Destination
by Kerrfrano
Summary: After six months of self discovery Jasper boards a plane to head back to a life he doesnt want, where he mets Edward. Will their destinations take them to the same place? E&J Rated M Please R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Hi everyone …. this is my first story so please be gentle to start of with :)

I would like to send a huge thank you to dtav for beta-ing this for me and a big hug of thanks to OCDJen, Mrs Agget and Ealasaid77 for their encouragement, support and for having faith in me, especially when I didn't.

Enjoy reading

**Chapter 1**

**Jasper's POV**

I sighed as I sat down on the plastic chair at the Sydney International Airport waiting for my flight home. Six months I had spent in Australia and I had loved every god damn second of it, but I was missing my family way too much by this point. When I told them I needed to find myself, my family had encouraged me to take this trip. Little did they know that I had decided to take this trip to give myself one last taste of being truly me. I knew that once I got home and toldthem the truth, they would try to talk me around. I am happy with who I am and I am not afraid to be me.

The reason for taking this trip was to learn everything about myself before I would have to put it away and be someone that I wasn't, someone they wanted me to be. I just wanted to be me and I never thought that it would be so hard for others to accept me for who I am.

_God, I was making myself depressed. I would have enough time to think about all this stuff when I got home, when the truth was set free only to be more than likely shot down. I was down to my last hours in Australia,and I was determined to enjoy every last second of this holiday was going to last until I walked through the front door of my parent's house,_I thought dryly to myself.

Staring at the industrial carpet on the floor, I thought about all the ways the conversation could go. First, they could accept me, support me and allow me to be happy. Or they would freak out and start to pray to everything known to man. I could almost hear them asking the LORD to help their son mend his ways.

I was hoping that I could rely on my sister for support. Rosalie was more liberal in her way of thinking and had always supported me when I had wanted to do something that wasn't quite in line with my parent's way of thinking. Plus, with us being twins, we had that extra bond that some siblings just don't have.

My musings of my sister were interrupted by the feeling of someone standing in front of me. Looking up I gasped and felt my eyes almost burst out of my head. _OH MY GOD! He is fucking gorgeous. Actually gorgeous doesn't even cover it. _I thought to myself. _He is magnificence personified._

"Can I help you?" I managed to get out once my mind and mouth started to work together again.

"I was just wondering if this seat beside you was free? This airport is a fucking nightmare full of people at the moment and there isn't a spare seat anywhere around."

"Sure." I replied as I turned to remove my backpack from the chair next to me.

"Thanks, man. Where are you heading?" He asked with a small smile.

"Back home to Texas via L.A."

"Cool, I am heading back to L.A too. Been in Australia long?"

I had to smile at his attempts to continue the conversation. I must admit, it was nice to have another American to talk to. For so long now all I had really heard was the Aussie accent.I missed the American vocabulary.

"Just over six months," was my response. I decided to ask a question of my own. "What brought you all the way out here?"

"Work." And from the way he said that I thought that it was a subject he wasn't comfortable enough to talk about. So I decided to change tactics and asked him what he had seen while here and what he enjoyed.

The next hour and a half went by in what felt like minutes. It turned out this gorgeous creature and I had a lot in common, from the love of classic movies and books, to our enjoyment of quirky Indie music as well as some of the more main stream stuff. I couldn't believe in the whole time we had been talking we had never exchanged names.

"Hey man, I know this is going to seem like a stupid question after talking all this time, but....." The rest of my question was drowned out by the announcement that our flight was ready to start boarding. They asked for first class passengers first and with that, the god I had been talking to this whole time got up.

"Well, that would be me. Maybe we will see each other on the plane." Then he walked away. The view from the rear was almost as good as the front.

Damn, it was going to be a long ass flight. My section of the plane was finally called, so I grabbed my bag and went to line up behind everyone else who was trying to get to their seat fast so the flight could finally get on the way.

My seat was located just a few rows behind the curtain that cut first class from the rest of us in economy. Maybe I would get a chance to see my gorgeous god again before I went back to the land of false reality.

As the cabin staff started doing their in flight checks and demonstrations, I looked around and noticed that I had scored the ultimate seating. I was alone in my section of three seats. No screaming children, no chatting old ladies and no large person trying to take up my chair as well as theirs. If nothing else happened on this flight, at least I would get some decent sleep.

About an hour after the first meal was served, the main cabin lights were dimmed as this was a night flight. My attempt to watch the movie was wasted as my mind wandering to the beautiful man that was sitting just on the other side of the curtain in front of me. _What was he doing? Was he thinking about me like I was about him? Will I ever see him again? Oh the questions, the thoughts on how I would like things to go with him. My need for him..... He was becoming my obsession after only a few short hours. I am so pathetic. UGH! _I thought.

All this thinking was starting to become muddled as my eyes started to get heavy. I looked at the empty seats on either side of me and had to smile. This was going to be good. Asking one of the cabin staff for a blanket and pillow, I lifted the arm rests and settled myself in. I drifted off pretty quickly after that.

My dream consisted of the god I had met in the airport. There was no way around this, he had taken over my mind.

When I felt fingers lightly tracing my lips, I started to wake up. I had to smile at that as it felt almost too perfect to be real. A dream had never seemed so real before. Moaning as the finger ran along my bottom lip, I ran my tongue along my lower lip in hopes of it connecting with the finger to see if what I was feeling was real. The caress was so soft, but the feeling it sent through my body was not like anything I had ever felt before in my life. Something so simple as that touch and the sensations it gave me was so intense that I was so afraid to open my eyes, afraid I really was just dreaming. Once more I ran my tongue along my lip and this time I was able to connect with the source of my pleasure. It tasted like heaven.

Opening my mouth so I could run my tongue along more of the finger, the owner of the finger tried to muffle their groan but I could still hear it. That noise went straight to my groin. As I sucked the finger further into my mouth I ran my tongue along the entire length. This time there was no attempt to hide the groan.

As I opened my eyes I saw the deep green eyes of my god from the airport. _Oh fuck! I really must still be dreaming because there is no way this perfect specimen in front of mecould be touching me like this, let alone be attracted to me. _I thought. _Oh what the hell, I will just go with the flow, and let my dream take me anywhere it wants. If it was going to involve him I might never want to wake up._

I looked at him while he watched what my mouth was doing to his finger.

"Fuck," he mouthed before closing his eyes. He started moving his finger slowly in and out of my mouth. A minute or so later he opened his eyes and withdrew his finger from my mouth. I let out a small whimper at the loss.

He smiled lightly, leaned down and whispered in my ear. "I have to stop you there or it could get extremely embarrassing. Fuck, you have me so hard I feel like I am about to bust the zipper on my jeans."

I bit my lip to contain my moan and grabbed his hand and brought it back to my mouth. Taking his finger between my lips I sucked all the way down to the base. I sucked hard before gently removing his finger. When I reached the tip I slowly ran my tongue around the top, and his breath hitched. Then I ran my tongue from the base of his palm to the tip of his finger, taking his finger in my mouth one last time.

"I want you so fucking much. If we weren't on this plane I would take you so hard and fast against every surface available."

It was my turn to murmur "Fuck."

I finally sat up and pulled him into the chair next to me. At a complete loss for what to say or do next I just stared into his beautiful face. Before my brain could function to consider saying anything I noticed his face start to fall.

"I... I'm ss.. orry," he stuttered and started to get out of his chair.

_What the fuck??? Where is he going??? What did I do wrong???_

"Where are you going?" I said a little louder and rougher than I had intended.

Reaching out I grabbed his hand and pulled him back down to me. He wasn't going to leave me again, I couldn't let him. I needed to be with him for as long as possible even if it was for just the length of this flight. What I had started to feel for him in this small amount of time, I knew that I wouldn't be getting over anytime soon. It was an instant, overpowering compulsion to have him with me the rest of my life. I was a firm believer in lust at first sight, but this went way beyond that. _Could this be what they talk about when discussing love at first sight? _I wondered. _Was I falling in love with this stunning creature in front of me? I guess only time could answer that._

I looked up into his face and said with complete honesty "Don't leave...please."

"Oh, thank God," he whispered. "I thought I had come on too strong. This isn't something I normally do."

"I am extremely happy you did." I confessed, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks.

I continued to look at this enigma in front of me. His messy dark brown hair was the only thing that did not look quite right on him but it wasn't horrible either. His green eyes were the shade of a deep emerald - green, clear and bottomless. His nose was straight, almost regal. His lips were perfect. The lower lip was fuller than the top one, and they looked soft but strong and so fucking kissable. His jaw was strong and angular.

He must have noticed that my eyes lingered on his mouth for longer than was polite, as his lips curled up into a beautiful crooked smile. I turned away to look out the window as heat once again flooded my face.

"Hey," I felt him whisper into my ear. "Look at me."

I looked back at him only to see now that his eyes were focused on my mouth. _Fuck, I really wanted to kiss him, to taste him on my lips and my tongue. _Raising my hand to rest it against his cheek, I leaned forward and quietly asked "Can I kiss you?"

A breathless "yes" was his reply.

I moved my hand so it went around the back of his neck and pulled his face towards me as I moved mine closer to him. My heart was starting to race, and my mouth was suddenly dry. _Why was I so fucking nervous? It wasn't like he was the first person I have ever kissed. But then I had never wanted to kiss anyone like I wanted to kiss him; to taste him, all of him; to touch him, all of him; to feel his lips against mine; to feel him touch me, all of me. _

Our lips met and I had to moan. They felt just as soft as they looked, I had to have more. Moving my head slightly so I could deepen the kiss, I wanted to taste his tongue, but I was afraid to move too quickly, afraid that I would freak him out. As it turned out I had nothing to worry about.

I felt his tongue run lightly across my bottom lip and I was done. I opened my mouth to receive his tongue and couldn't help but moan at the combination of his taste and the texture of his tongue as both entered my mouth. _Fuck! He tasted so so good. _I added more pressure to his neck so I could deepen the kiss even more. _God, I wanted to swallow him whole. _

Unsure of how long we sat there kissing for, but then when you are kissing heaven does time even really exist? Neither his hands nor mine moved from holding each others' face. There was no need to take it any further, this wasn't about a quick fuck.

Eventually the need to fill my lungs with a decent breath caused me to have to break away from his mouth. Resting my forehead against his, I looked into his amazing green eyes which were shining so bright with what could only be described as immense happiness.

"I need to know your name." I whispered.

"E." Was all the reply I got before he kissed me lightly on my swollen lips.

"What is yours?" He asked quietly.

"Ja......." Was all I got out before he put a finger against my mouth.

"Then J and E it is. For now, anyway."

I had to wonder why he only wanted us to be known to each other by our first initial. _What was he trying to hide? Was this just an experiment for him? Could I do that to myself when what I felt for him was already coursing so strongly through my body? I didn't know, but what I did know was that I didn't want it to stop._

"When is your flight to Texas?" He asked.

As my brain was still flipping through thoughts I looked at him with a confused expression. He must have assumed I was confused because he laughed and said "We will be arriving in L.A. at seven on Tuesday morning, so when do you fly out?"

"Oh, sorry." Smiling as I finally took in what he was asking, I answered, "Wednesday about noon."

"Where are you staying?"

"Oh!" I frowned, and he laughed. "I hadn't really thought that far in advance, I just guessed I would figure it out when I got there."

E seemed to like that answer. Leaning in he started kissing me again, and once again I wasn't complaining.

Most of the flight was filled with us kissing, although we stopped every once in a while to talk a little. That was until one of the cabin crew came up to us to say that they were going to be turning the main cabin lights on as they were about to serve breakfast. We would be landing in L.A. in just under two hours. He thought that we would prefer not to have everyone looking at us. Then he suggested that E go back to his seat so they could get everything underway.

E left his seat, turned to me and said, "I will see you inside the terminal." Then he kissed me quickly once more before returning to his seat in first class.

Once E had left I couldn't stop my mind from replaying everything we had done since I first met him back in the Sydney airport. And then me being me, my mind began to head towards the negative. _God, I really have to stop my thoughts from getting away from me. I am already trying to find things that could go wrong with this thing between me and E and it hasn't even started yet. Who knew whether or not anything was going to happen between us after all._

Breakfast was served and then almost all too soon the seat belt sign came on and the intercom stated that we were going to begin our assent into LAX. I could feel myself starting to get really nervous. _Was he really going to find me in the terminal? Was he wanting to spend time with me before I had to fly home? God, I hope so.... it would be a wonderful way to end my amazing trip, before I had to go home and face the music._

* * * * * *

Going through customs was an absolute nightmare with so many planes arriving at the same time. I was never going to find him again in this crowd. _Oh well, I knew that it was too good to be true._ Waiting at the carousel for my bags I was so lost in thought that I didn't feel him come up behind me. Feeling his hand on my lower back brought me out of my musings. The heat from his hand started to spread through to my stomach making me feel a warm glow within me.

"Want to come back to my place?"

My heart skipped a beat at that request. _Oh, fuck yes!_ I nodded my head as my mouth and brain did not seem to be able to work together. They were still suffering from happy shock.

"Please." I managed to get out.

We grabbed our bags and E led me outside towards the taxi stand. I wanted to touch him, but the feeling I got from him was that something like that wouldn't be appropriate or appreciated. Once inside the taxi things changed slightly. Out of the eye sight of the driver E grabbed my hand and softly played with my fingers. The warmth of his touch once again started to work its way through me. Sighing while smiling at him, I turned towards him so I could look into his gorgeous eyes. He smiled at me, but I could see that he kept staring at the driver trying to see if he was watching what was happening in the back of his cab. _Great! It looks like E isn't out at all_. _Okay, so I wasn't out to my parents and sister, but all my friends knew and supported me. If this thing was to happen was E going to put me all the way back in the closet? _Sensing his discomfort I turned away from him to stare out at the view. Removing my hand from his so that I wouldn't find myself tempted, I clasped them in my lap.

Hearing E sigh I had to turn back to look at him, and his face showed his hurt. This was something I wasn't expecting and it was leaving me feeling confused. I was beginning to find the mixed signals exhausting. Unsure of how long we had been in the taxi, I was glad when it finally pulled up in front of a beautiful apartment building. If the outside was anything to go by, living here required a lot of money. _Shit, what does E do for a living?_ I knew it was a question I wasn't going to be asking as his expression when he mentioned work back in Sydney showed me that it was something he wouldn't be willing to talk about. Well, to me anyway. Getting out of the taxi I started to wonder if this was a good idea...... maybe it would be best if I just left and forgot that I had ever met this god.

"E, I think I sh......"

"J, don't. Let's just go up to my apartment. We can talk up there."

Grabbing my bags from the sidewalk, I followed E into his building. Entering the lift I watched him push the button to the penthouse. _Should I really be surprised that he lives in the penthouse? It was just one more thing that made him out of my league. Just go with the flow, Jasper. Just go with the flow. _I mentally chanted as the lift took us upwards. E, god I hated calling him that, pulled out his keys and opened the door and walked through, I didn't. I don't know if it was because I was afraid or just extremely wary of the confusion that I continued to feel around him.

One minute I was standing in the hallway undecided on what to do, the next he had grabbed my hand and pulled me into his apartment. Suddenly I felt myself being pushed back up against the inside of his front door, my mouth being attacked by his. His tongue asked for immediate entry and I couldn't help but give in to him. He was a weakness I needed to indulge in.

"Fuck! You taste so fucking good." He whispered against my lips. His tongue ran down my neck, and as he reached my neck I felt his teeth graze against my skin.

"God, that feels good."

"And it is about to get better. I want to taste all of you. No, change that, I need to taste all of you."

"Fuck." I said breathlessly. _If his mouth could do this to me how would I cope with more?_

Without me noticing, E had at some point undone the button and zip on my jeans. "Let me suck you. Please, J. I need to feel you in my mouth."

All I could do was nod as I watched him move to kneel in front of me. His lips and tongue ran along the muscles of my stomach, while his hands hurriedly pulled my jeans and boxers to the floor. He moved lower and I could feel his moist tongue run from the base of my cock to it's tip. The tip of his tongue dipped into the slit of my throbbing cock. If I was hard before, now I was at the point of bursting and he had yet to really touch me. E took the head of my dick into his mouth and sucked around the tip.

I couldn't help but moan my pleasure. "Fuck E, take more of me in that gorgeous mouth of yours."

My wish was granted as his mouth took all of me. _Fuck, he has definitely done this before. _Not many men have been able to take me all the way to the base. E took it all down his throat, then swallowed around the head. _Shit! If he keeps doing that it will be over before it has even really begun._

"God.... so.. fucking goo..... UGH." I wrapped my fingers through his hair wanting to thrust my hips into his face, to fuck his mouth. I had to control myself, as I didn't want to hurt him.

I had to close my eyes, as much as I didn't want to. I wasn't going to last if I kept watching him suck on my cock. Watching those beautiful full lips suck me from the head to the base was going to make me cum too quickly. I had to make this last.

"E... you have to stop... I won't last if you keep going." I managed to grunt out.

"J, we have over twenty-four hours to do whatever we want and right now I want you to cum in my mouth."

He went back to sucking all of me. Once my head hit the back of his throat again, he hummed and that was it, I was gone. "Fuck...... cumming." He took it all. Swallowing every little bit of my cum. _Fuck, he is talented._ My knees couldn't hold me up anymore and I felt myself sliding to the floor.

"God damn it, E, that was fucking perfect." I grabbed the back of his neck and crashed his lips against mine. Running my tongue along his lower lip, he opened his mouth allowing me entrance. I could taste myself on his tongue. The taste of pure E with a touch of me in the mix made my cock start to twitch back to life.

"Bedroom," E said against my lips.

He got up and grabbed my hand to assist me as my legs still felt like jelly, and led me to his bedroom. Upon seeing his king size bed I knew I had to have him on there and naked. I started to pull him towards it, but he stopped me and led me in the opposite direction. I looked at him and then back at the bed. I couldn't help but wonder where the hell he was taking me. My pulling back on him got his attention.

"Shower."

Okay, I was feeling a little stupid right about now. I was afraid that he was going to take me somewhere that was going to make me uncomfortable and all he wanted to do was shower with me. Well, I hope he wanted to shower with me. E hadn't let me do anything to ease his sexual tension. He had to be feeling it by now.

E opened up the shower door and was turning on the water when I wrapped my arms around his waist running my hands up to his chest unbuttoning his shirt. Once it was unbuttoned, I opened up his shirt so I could run my hands over his beautiful chest. He groaned when my fingers ran across his nipples, so I spent some extra time there stroking and pinching them. His moans increased as I brushed my lips and tongue down the curve of his neck to his shoulder. I bit down lightly and heard a whispered "fuck" fall from his lips. Encouraged by this, I left one hand on his chest playing there and moved the other one down to the buckle on his belt. Somehow, quite easily, I got his belt undone as well as the button and zip on his jeans. While distracting him by pinching his nipple hard, I slipped my hand inside his boxers and ran my thumb over the top of his weeping cock. He turned his head towards me, his eyes heavy with lust and nipped gently along my chin. I grabbed his cock fully in my hand and started rubbing him from base to tip my grasp getting firmer with each pass.

I went to take my hand away but he stopped me. "Don't stop..... gonna cum." And with that he came hard all over my hand and the outside of the shower. Raising my hand, I licked his cum off and adeep growl erupted from E as he watched me. Suddenly his mouth was against mine, kissing me with such force, but I gladly reciprocated the intensity.

Together we hopped into the shower. I was surprised, to say the least, at what came out of E's mouth next.

"J, do you top or bottom?"

"Both, babe. I fucking enjoy both. What about you?"

"I have bottomed twice, but I have never topped." He replied shyly, the embarrassment very evident on his face.

"Have you never wanted to?"

"Not really..... Not until I met you. God, this is embarrassing."

"E, talk to me. I know we have just met, but you can tell me anything. I won't judge."

"How about we finish our shower and then we get comfortable as this isn't going to be a easy conversation."

I grabbed the body wash, washing his back, kneading the tense muscles in his shoulders. _God, he was so tense_. _What was he so worried about? Okay, so he was inexperienced when it came to the main stuff, but we have all been there at one point or another. Shit, with every new person it was almost like starting over again._ I finished washing E, then started on myself. As much as I would love him to wash me I could tell that there was a lot going on in his mind.

Showered, dressed and sitting on his bed with coffee in hand, I waited for E to begin.

E sighed, "I'm gay. I have known I was gay since I was about seventeen, but being gay isn't really an option in the work I do. I won't bore you with what I do just know that if it came out I wouldn't be able to carry on doing what I love. Hiding my true self is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make most of the time. There are times like this one now, with you, that I hate having to hide it. Especially when what I feel for you I have never felt before, but all I can give you is this one day. And I hate that because I know that there is more than just these twenty-four hours between us. You bring out a side of me that makes me feel complete, like I am finally being true to myself. My two experiences were a long time ago. I have managed to suppress my needs for so long, but with you I don't want to. I want it all, J. I want to experience everything I can with you, but it can only be for this one day."

His shoulders slumped once all of this had come out. "I will understand if you want to leave. I know what I have told you can't sound promising."

"E," I said while taking his hand. "All I can give you at the moment is today. I have to go home and tell my parents what every child is afraid to tell them. My friends know I am gay. Everyone knows except for my parents and sister. It is not a topic I am looking forward to bringing up with them, but I can't lie anymore. So to have this one day with you will be a perfect end to me being myself for one last time before I have to go home and have my parents become completely disappointed in me."

I ran my fingers down the side of his face. "One day is all either of us can give. I am willing if you still are."

Leaning into my hand, he nodded. "Yes, please."

"Just promise me one thing?" I asked. He nodded again. "Don't feel you have to do anything you don't want to do. I am willing to go as far as you want to. I want you to want everything that happens. Don't be afraid to ask if you want something or if you want to try something. Although if it is too out there I just might say no." I gave him a cheeky little smile.

He laughed quietly over that. "Thanks, J."

I took his coffee cup and mine and placed them on the bedside table. Taking him in my arms, I laid us both on the bed. "I know we only have the one day, but how about we take a nap for an hour and we see how things are from there?" Laying on my back, E snuggled into my side and rested his head on my shoulder. I could already hear his breathing starting to even out as sleep drew us both in.

I woke some time later to his lips against my neck. When he lifted his head and saw that I was awake, he gave me the most beautiful smile. He whispered , "Hey, sleepy."

"Been up for a while then." My double meaning was not lost on him.

"Mmmmm....." His lips then attacked mine. "Need you, J."

His lips were strong and forceful against mine and I couldn't help but love every second of it. I had seen two sides of E since I had met him. Shy and embarrassed E was cute and sexy, but confident, forceful and passionate E was a complete fucking turn on. Feeling his tongue dance against mine tasting his uniqueness, feeling his body start to move against me, I was in euphoria. I wanted, no needed, him inside of me.

"E... Fuck me...... please." I managed to groan out against his lips.

"Fuck..... Yes....."

His lips left mine to travel down my neck, nipping, sucking and kissing me across my chest. His hand ran along my stomach before reaching my now throbbing cock. Grasping me in his hand, he slowly started rubbing my cock.

"Harder E.... please stroke me harder." My request was granted. _Fuck... His hand around my cock felt so good. I can't wait for his dick to be inside of me._

E moved his mouth down along my stomach, licking up the trail of pre-cum my cock had left there. "Suck me." I gasped out.

"Patience, J, all good things come to those who wait." The crooked smirk told me that I was going to be teased and teased a lot.

His tongue traipsed across my stomach, down along my V. As his tongue continued down, my hopes grew that I was finally going to feel his mouth against my aching cock again. I felt the tip of his tongue run lightly down my cock from the tip to the base before it moved to caress my balls. Taking one in his mouth and rolling it around on his tongue, he had me arching my back off the bed. God, nothing felt better than right at that moment when he then sucked both of them into his mouth.

"F.... uck."

I felt him smile against my sack. "Soon, J."

I moaned at the loss of his mouth around my balls then gasped when I felt his tongue run backwards towards my hole. He swirled his tongue around my puckered hole before pushing the tip of his tongue inside me. _My God... I had never had this done to me before. Why hadn't I? It was the most unbelievable thing I had ever felt. _The pressure of his tongue pushing through my tight hole caused me to thrust my hips into his face.

"God... E... a... mazing .... feels so ... fuck.... GOOD." I yelled the last word as I felt the tightening in my stomach become more intense. "Gonna.... cum, babe." I panted out.

E started working his tongue in and out of me more quickly. Grabbing my cock in his hand, he started pumping me in time with his tongue. I yelled out his name as I felt my cum forcefully hit my chest. His tongue didn't stop and it seemed neither would my orgasm. I had never cum that hard in my life.

He finally moved back up my body, kissing me as he went. When he reached my neck I grabbed his face and brought it to mine, kissing him with everything that I had

"Un-fucking believable." I whispered. "Never before have I ......"

"Good," he whispered back. "I wanted you to have something new to remember and I have wanted to taste that secret part of you since I saw you in Sydney."

_Fuck me, if he had been thinking about that, what else was going through that beautiful head of his? I needed to know. _"What else have you been thinking about doing to me?" I asked, the excitement evident in my voice.

"How about I show you something else I want to do?"

I nodded my head eagerly as I watched him lean across me and open his bedside table drawer. He pulled out a slightly used bottle of lube and an unopened box of condoms.

"How long have you had those, E? Are they still good? "

He looked at me with panic before setting his attention on finding the expiration date on the box. I had to laugh at the look on his face. He must have found the date and it was fine because he looked at me with a fake hurt look before slapping me on the chest and muttering "Fucker," and then he attacked me. _God, I was really starting to love being attacked by him. He made me feel so wanted in those moments of intensity._

I was unsure of how long we were kissing for when I finally heard the lid of the lube being opened. Opening my eyes, I watched him warm the lube in his hands, whimpering at the sight and knowing what was to come next. He ran his hand over my reawakening cock before moving to my hole. I groaned as I felt his finger starting to apply pressure and lifted my hips to try to get him to push his finger into me. His finger slipped inside and he slowly pumped in and out going deeper with each thrust.

"More," I groaned.

A second finger was added to the first. The feeling of being stretched by his fingers was heavenly and before too long a third was pushed into me. While fucking me with his fingers, his other hand wrapped itself around my swollen cock. I couldn't help but thrust my hips against his hand and fingers.

Grabbing the sealed box of condoms that was beside me on the bed, I broke the security seal, opened the box and ripped off a condom packet. Ripping open the packet with my teeth, I groaned, "E, fuck me already. I need to feel your beautiful big cock in me."

I fucking whimpered as he removed his fingers from my ass. He released my cock to grab the condom out of my hand. I shook my head. "I want to put it on you." I took a hold of his wrist to drag him closer to me. He straddled my waist but I pulled him closer still. He looked down at me confused. I smiled up at him bringing his hips and cock towards my mouth and placed the condom on the tip of his cock before using my lips and tongue to secure it down to the base.

"Fuck," he groaned as he watched my mouth on his cock.

Knowing what I wanted, I grabbed the lube and coated his dick, pumping his cock a few times. He threw his head back and started thrusting harder against my hand. He moved down my body to attack my mouth again. _Fuck, I really do love it when he kisses me like this. _

E took the lube and recoated his fingers before slowly putting the first one back in me. A minute later the second one went back in and then shortly after that, the third. He removed his fingers and lifted my legs so they were wrapped around his waist and replaced his fingers with his cock. Slowly he started pushing the head in and we both moaned at the pleasure. He gently started rocking his hips going slightly deeper with each thrust. Before we both knew it, he was all the way in. E stilled waiting for me to get used to him filling me up so completely. I couldn't help myself and I started moving my hips against his. He felt too good to stop. His hips started thrusting against mine and I groaned as he started to hit places deepwithin me.

"Harder, babe... Please fuck me harder." I grunt out.

"Fuck, J.... so tight.... never knew......" Thrusting harder and picking up speed, I was in heaven. Our grunts, groans and moans filled the room, broken up by the sound of our sweaty skin slapping against each other. E was constantly hitting my prostate and I knew I was not going to last much longer.

"Babe, so goooood... going to cum... Fuck me harder."

"Fuck, J... feels amazing... cum for me." Our vocalizations became louder and more graphic as we both got closer to climaxing.

I screamed "fuck" as E yelled "holy shit" as we both cum at the same time. I have never cum as hard as I was cumming right now. I had never cum at the same time as anyone else before either.

E fell against my body as we both tried to get our breath back. He lifted his head to look at me with the most beautiful smile lighting up his face. He ran a hand lightly down my face before leaning in to kiss me. This kiss is so different from all the others we have shared. It is more sensual than anything I have ever experienced. Our lips and tongues communicate things that words could not have expressed. Before too long E slid his softening cock out of me and with one last long kiss, he headed to his bathroom. When he came back he was carrying a wet cloth with which he gently cleaned me up.

Lying on the bed, we were wrapped in each others' arms and I had a question I just had to ask. "E?"

He mumbled, "Yeah."

"Where the hell did you learn all that? You said that you didn't have a lot of experience." Fuck, I felt guilty for asking.

E lifted his head and could see my guilt. "It's okay, J. I know what you are trying to ask. It was porn, J. How else am I supposed to enjoy my self loving?' He said with a cheeky little grin. He was obviously proud of his performance given my response.

* * * * * *

The next twenty-four hours were spent like that, kissing, licking, sucking and fucking. The last time was when E woke me up about half pastsix this morning. It was now just after eight and I was getting ready to leave. E had fallen asleep again after the last time, but I had stopped myself from going near him , because I knew if I went back to bed I would miss my flight to Texas. I had showered and grabbed some new clothes out of my suitcase, made myself some coffee and was now watching E sleep. _This beautiful, amazing man has just given me the most sensational day off my life. I don't want to leave him, but I know that now is not the right time. Would it ever be the right time, for either of us?_

Running my fingers gently down his face for the last time I sighed quietly and left his room. Finding a pen and some paper I sat down to write him a note.

_Beautiful E,_

_Words can't even describe how much these last twenty-four hours have meant to me. You have given me the strength to go home and finally be true to myself and my family._

_I will always remember you and everything we had together. Maybe in a different situation or alternate reality you and I could have explored this more and been each others' life's passion._

_Thank you for everything..... I will never forget it._

_Just know that you will always have a small piece of my heart._

_Forever, _

_Jasper W. Hale._

Folding the note and placing it on his kitchen counter, I crossed the room and grabbed my suitcase. I took one more look around at the place that had been my paradise for the last day. Sighing, I opened the front door and walked through it. I closed the door and took the first step into my new life.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN** A huge thank you once again to dtav for waving her magic wand and working miracles on this chapter. Thank you to OCDJen and Mrs Agget for there kind words and encouragement in my moments of panic.

And thank you to all over you who read and reviewed and put this story on your story alerts list or favourites

* * *

Chapter Two

JPOV

It had been two weeks since I arrive home to Texas. Two weeks since my amazing twenty-four hours with E. Twelve days since I told my parents that I was gay. Twelve days since my life as I knew it had changed. Eleven days since I had stopped living at home. Eleven days since my parents had called me their son. Ten days since I had started sleeping on my sister's couch.

My sister Rosalie had been my strength when I had told them. I had told her on the trip home from the airport. She surprised me by saying that she had an idea that it might have been the case. I was brought back to a conversation I had with Angela before I left for my trip.

_FLASHBACK_

_Angela and I were at the local coffee shop. I was telling her about the trip I was going to take before coming home and telling my parents that I was gay._

_"Jay, you are going to be okay. They have a right to know." These words were so familiar coming from Angela's mouth. She had been telling me for the last two years that I needed to tell my parents the truth._

_My response was always the same. "Ange, honey, I am not ready to do that to you. You need me just as much as I have needed you these last six years."_

_"Bub you won't be able to use me as an excuse much longer. You know I have started seeing Ben." _

_"How is that going by the way?" _

_Angela had met Ben six months ago while we were both still at university. She had been required to do a class project with him and because of an incident in her past she was very uncomfortable around new people especially men she had asked me to come along with her when they met up. Ben had been weary of me being there at the start but he sensed that Angela needed me so he let it go._

_"I told him Jay."_

_I looked at her shocked. This was a huge step for Ange, she never told anyone, no one knew but me and her family. And she only told me as I have been best friends with her since we were ten years old. She had told me because she felt safe with me as I had come out to her a year or so beforehand and she had supported me the whole way. She had told me because of what had happened to Rosalie. She told me because she had needed someone to talk to that wasn't family._

_"Now Jasper, stop changing the subject, we are talking about you telling your parents." Shit she was calling me out, knowing I was trying to avoid the one tough subject I was reluctant to touch._

_"But Ange, this is huge. What....." I had to give it one more try. To keep her talking about her and Ben and not about me._

_She growled at me. "Not going to work Jasper. We are talking about you." _

_Crap! When she called me Jasper I knew that I wasn't going to get away with anything and the fact that she had called me that twice in a matter of minutes, I knew I was screwed. _

_"Fine." I sulked. "But Ange you know that if I tell them they are going to ask about you and want to know how I could do this to such a wonderful girl."_

_"Then tell them the truth Jay."_

_My mouth felt like it had just hit the floor with her saying that. It was the one promise I was never going to break. I couldn't do that to her, even with her permission._

_"My therapist said it is about time I start telling the people I care about what happened to me." She said trying to explain her reason behind allowing me to tell my parents. "Actually she has been trying to tell me for the last two years. But back then I didn't have a reason to want people to know. I was happy with how things were going. People treated me like normal because they thought that I was with you. They believed that we were in a relationship and there was no way I was going to disillusion them because then they would start asking questions."_

_Yes, we both knew what those sort of questions would be. Why are you dating? Isn't there a nice young person out there who takes your fancy? And of course my favourite question that only seems to be directed at me and not Angela was, of course .... Are you gay?_

_"Damn Ange, do I have too?"_

_She nodded at me._

_"Can I at least wait until I get back from my trip?"_

_"Fine, but you are going to have to tell them that we have split up before you go. I am ready to be out in public now with Ben. Now that he knows, he is more protective of me and understands my fears about certain public places and he wants to help me. He even came with me to my last therapist appointment to ask her how the best way to go about re-introducing me to crowded places. Isn't he sweet?" Ange gushed._

_"So I am losing my favorite girl. Damn girl, way to cut straight to the heart of a guy."_

_"Bub, you know you are my all time best guy. We just need to be more realistic with our lives now. We can't keep hiding behind our fears. I was raped and you are gay. We aren't alone in being what we are Jay."_

_God, I hated it when Angela was right about the scary things. "Fine." I pouted._

_"I think your sister will support you Jay. She might even know."_

_I looked at Ange with complete fear. _

_"Jay, she has been on double dates with us and you must admit we don't act like a normal couple. We hold hands and the basic kiss on the lips but there is nothing else really about our 'relationship' to convince people that is was real."_

_END FLASHBACK_

"JASPER." Rosalie yelled in my ear.

"Fuck! Rose, what was that for?"

"I have been calling your name for the last five minutes. Where the hell did you go?"

"Just thinking about a conversation I had with Ange before I went on holidays. She was right."

"Right about what?"

"She said that you probably knew that I was gay and that you would support me when it was time to come out to the parents."

"Of course I would support you. You are my twin Jay, which makes you more special to me than just any sibling. You've never faulted in your love for me after I was raped. Your support for me and Angela was beyond anything a brother or best friend would do. You held my hand just so I could go to the shops and buy tampons. Even when I started to freak out you stood by me and talked to me softly. It was you Jay, that got me through when I found out that the parents wondered if I had brought the rape on myself because of my looks and how I dressed. Why would I turn my back on you for something so simple as you being gay? I love you, Jay. I just want you to be happy, whether it is with a man or a woman, I don't care. I love you for you not your sexual preference."

I pulled Rose to me and hugged her with everything that I had. God, I loved my sister so much. I couldn't have asked for a better sibling. We both knew our parents weren't the most supportive. That had become apparent after Rose's rape. To the outside world, our parents were the most supportive and loving people. To Rose and I they only cared about appearances.

"Thank God we got our inheritance before they did this to you Jay. After the way they treated you I don't want anything to do with them either. They aren't good for us. We are both better off without them in our lives. If it wasn't for you I would have left them along time ago."

Wow! Hearing this come from Rose left me feeling proud and sad at the same time. Sad that we both had the same parents who treated their apparent loved ones like absolute crap. And proud at how far she had come from the shell she had been in after her rape. She was still shy on the whole dating thing but she could now hold her own against any man.

"Jay I was thinking......"

I leaned back to look at her. "What Rosie?"

"Well sleeping on the couch can't be good for someone as tall as you. So I was wondering if maybe we should get a bigger apartment. You know, one with two bedrooms." She sounded almost scared while asking me this.

"Umm..... Rose, I was actually thinking of leaving Texas." Her face dropped. Fuck! I am a really bad brother. "Want to come with me?"

Her face lifted and a timid smile came to her lips. "Really? Are you sure that I wouldn't cramp your gay style?"

We both started laughing at that. God, it felt good to laugh. Rose was always good at lifting my mood.

"Sure. Umm..... Where would you like to go Rosie?"

"I don't care. Just as long as I am with you, bro, it doesn't matter."

"Let me think about it."

I would love to go back to L.A. Maybe going back there I could get the chance to see E again. The memories of E were the only good thing in my mind right now. God, what I wouldn't do for a dose of him to get me through the day.

_Fuck. My parents are assholes! Everything to them was always about them whether they are involved or not. Just like my coming out._

_FLASH BACK_

_We were sitting in the lounge room having just finished dinner. Rose was beside me on the couch and our parents sat in their individual chairs across from us. It always felt like they were lording over us when we sat like this. One thing that amazed me was the fact that I had been home for two days and neither of my parents had asked how the holiday went. Rose grabbed my hand and squeezed it in an attempt to show her encouragement over the conversation that was about to ensue._

_"Mother, Father I would like to discuss something with you, if you have the time."_ _God I hated talking like this. It sounded so snobbish, which we weren't even though the parents tried to be._

_"Yes Jasper, what is it?" My mother stated while trying to look down her nose at me._

_Oh! Fuck me. It is strange how you can love your parents and really hate them at the same time. __They had never really felt like my parents. I had always joked to myself that my real parents were abducted by aliens and had been replaced by cyborgs. The cyborgs came when my parents came into money. An inheritance no one knew was coming from my mother's parents. My mother had grown up with a simple lifestyle, not wanting for anything but never getting anything of substance. So when the grandparents died and the millions were given to my parents life, changed. There was a trust set up for me and Rose, but my parents were not told how much Rose and I would be getting. So you can imagine __my__ parents shock and disgust when the_y _found out that Rose and I got a substantial amount more than them. _

_I think what helped to piss our parents off was the fact that Rose and I didn't like to throw our money around. We had jobs, though not lavish ones. Rose lived in a simple apartment in a secure building. Fuck, I travelled to Australia economy class. That had pissed them off, me flying with the common folk, as they liked to call them. God, they were probably better people than my parents ever could be._

_"Jasper_, _we are waiting." My father said._

_Rose once again squeezed my hand._

_"I'm gay. I realized I was gay back when I was fifteen."_

_My mother gasped in horror and my father looked at me in complete disgust. "How could you do this to us?"_

_"That's right mother_." _Rosalie spat. "Make it all about you. God, Jasper is sharing something really important with you and you have turn it around to you. Hell, you make me sick."_

_"Rosalie don't talk to your mother like that and don't use the LORD'S name in _vain."

_"Do you even hear yourselves? You are both unbelievable." Rosalie yelled._

_"Okay, if we have to talk about this then explain something to me. If you are apparently gay Jasper, then why were you dating Angela for five years? How could you date that wonderful girl and taint her with your filth if you are gay?" My mother hissed at me._

_"ARGH! Mother, my relationship with Angela is not what you think. Ange and I were never boyfriend and girlfriend. Yes, we led people to believe that but it was never going to happen. About eight months after Rose was raped, Ange was raped by the same man. Only this time he wasn't so lucky with who he chose._ _Ange recognized him from around campus. She knew his name, so she was able to tell the police after her attack."_

_Rosalie looked physically sick at hearing this. I had kept the information away from her. Angela's rape had been kept more quiet than Rose's. I had never really known why that had been the case._

_Mother gasped in shock_. _"But Angela is such a good girl. Who would want to hurt her that way?"_

_Rose and I both jumped out of our seats in complete astonishment."How fucking dare you?" I yelled at them. "Neither Rose or Angela or any of the other girls that arsehole raped deserved it. Nobody and I mean nobody should ever have to go through what they did. Your own daughter went through absolute hell and Angela is the only one who didn't deserve it?Who the fuck are you people? How the hell did Rose and I end up with fucked up parents like you?"_

_I looked at Rose, grabbed her hand again in mine. "Let's get the fuck out of this hell hole. We don't need this shit from these miserable excuses we have been calling parents. I will be back tomorrow to get my stuff. After that, I don't ever want to see or hear from either of you again_."

_Rose looked at them with disgust before saying."Jay is not the only one who doesn't want to be a part of this so called family anymore. We are fucking through." _

_We gathered our stuff and left, slamming the front door in one final gesture against them._

_END FLASHBACK_

_I needed to go for a run or something, _I mused_. _If I sat here much longer remembering the past then I knew my thoughts would turn to him. E with his amazing green eyes, his beautiful smile, that fuckable mouth. Oh God, his mouth that I had fucked on more than one occasion while we had been together.

Fuck you're an idiot Jasper. You know not to go anywhere near him. It will only lead to more sadness and I can't take anymore at the moment. Later, that is when I will remember.

Putting on my runners and hooded sweater, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and headed for the front door. "Rose honey, I am going out for a run."

"Ok Jay, be careful."

I loved my sister dearly. She had always been protective of me, not that I had ever needed it. But since her rape she had been more so. It was not something I had expected at the time. Before her rape, she had been a vibrant, outgoing, beautiful and loving person. Now, she was a shy introvert who tried to hide her beauty by trying to look plain. It doesn't work but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. Her beauty both inside and out still shone through so brightly. I know that her need to be protective of me was a way for her to feel like she had some small control in her life. If that is what she needed to do, then I would gladly put up with her need to worry about me.

Exiting the building, I nodded to the doorman and headed off down the of in a slow jog to loosen up my muscles, I crossed the road a few blocks down and headed into the park to go along the running tracks that criss-crossed the park. Once some space opened up, I picked up my pace trying to outrun the thoughts in my head. It didn't work.

My parents and their lack of concern for their children was the main focus as I continued to pick up even more speed. I wasn't overly worried about theirlack of interest in my being gay. I had thought about this while I had been away. It had been one of the hardest things to think about but if I was going to be true to myself I had known that it was a strong possibility that it was going to happen. And true enough it did, my parents disowned me.

Their continual lack of concern, support and love toward Rose had always worried me. I never could understand why she stayed around after our inheritance had come in. I am now beginning to think that she stayed because of me. If she had suspected that I was gay, she stayed around to support me when I came out to them. But if that was the case wasn't she just causing herself more heart ache by staying in contact with them until I had been ready to come out? Fuck, maybe I should have come out sooner, like Ange had suggested. I could have saved both Rose and I some fucked up time with the parents.

But that didn't matter now, Rose and I were out of that environment. We had talked about it and we had adamantly agreed that we would never have any contact with them again. Not that they would even think of contacting us, so we were free. Rose was my family now and there was no way I was going to leave Texas without taking her with me. We had to support each other. I had to choose a place where Rose would feel safe. Should we go to Seattle so that we had Ange and Ben there? Ange and Ben had moved to Seattle for their jobs while I had been in Australia. They had been extremely lucky to have both been offered transfers to Seattle within the same week, so it had made their decision very easy. Ange had told me that Ben was very happy for them to move as he was hoping that a new state would help in Ange's need to feel safe. Would that work for Rose too? Would living away from the place where Rose had been raped and where she suffered the hurt from our parents lack of interest, be good for her? I guess only time would tell.

If we went to Seattle at least we would know someone, right? Or would it be better to go somewhere where we didn't know anyone at all? If we went somewhere other than Seattle, where should we go? Could we go to L.A.? _No! _L.A. wasn't a good idea for a few reasons. There were a lot of people in L.A., would Rose be comfortable with that? If we went to L.A., would I constantly be looking for E? Would my wanting to find E limit my moving forward in my new life? Yes, it would.

Looking at my watch I had been running for longer than I had thought, I headed back to the apartment. On the run home my feet against the pavement picked up a rhythm in my head with each foot fall.

L.A.... E.... L.A.... E.... L.A.... E....

Could I? Should I? Will I?

As I reached the apartment building my decision had been made. The decision felt good. It felt right. Now I just had to see if Rose agreed with my choice.

I opened the front door and heard Rose in the kitchen. "Hey Rosie."

"Hey Jay. How was the run?"

"Good. I think I figured out where we should go. I just need you to decide if it is where you want to go, too."

"I told you Jay, I don't care where we go just as long as we go together."

"Ok. So how does moving to ..........."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Hi everyone...Thank you so so much for all the wonderful reviews, and placing me on story alert and on your favourite story lists.

Thank you to my goddess of a Beta, dtav, who once again waved her magic wand over this chapter. And a shout out to OCDJen and Mrs. Agget for all your help. If you haven't read their stories then you are really missing out on some amazing fiction.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter from Edwards POV.....

Chapter Three

Edward's POV

Sitting in an airport lounge waiting for a flight has to be the most fucking boring thing in the world. No one was really talking, everyone was in a hurry but we were all stuck here for the same reason. I had arrived at the airport earlier than I had expected due to unusually light traffic which was just my fucking luck. There were still about two hours to kill before they started to call the flight and I had already looked in every duty free store picking up something for my mum, dad, Emmett and Alice. Alice had insisted that I purchase something for her, as if I would have forgotten to get her a gift. Hell, half the stuff in my carry on bag was for her.

I was sitting in a seat that was partly hidden from everyone but gave me the perfect view of everyone that came to sit in this area. I saw him walk in, sit down and place his back pack on the chair beside him. He was indescribable, almost angelic in a surfer boy sort of way. He had an almost instant calming effect on me even from across the waiting area, although there seemed to be a heaviness to his thoughts. What could have troubled this angel? For some reason it upset me to know that there was something bothering him. It didn't look like physical pain, therefore, he was suffering from great mental anguish and I couldn't help but want to take away his pain. No one that beautiful should suffer that much. I found I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He drew me in, in a way I never thought possible.

Do I take a chance and go and talk to him? Do I want to risk it all for a few hours of talking to him? I wanted to, of that there was no doubt. Would it be worth it? Yes, I thought it would be. I just needed to find the courage to take that first step, as I knew once that first step was taken the rest would be so easy. Grabbing my back pack off the floor, I took a deep breath and stood. _I can do this!_ I chanted to myself as I started to walk towards him. 

"Can I help you?" His voice hit my ears bringing me out of my musing. His voice was so beautiful and pure. It was then that I noticed I had reached the beautiful troubled Angel.

"I was just wondering if this seat beside you was free? This airport is a fucking nightmare full of people at the moment and there isn't a spare seat anywhere around." Wow, I managed to get that out without sounding like an idiot.

"Sure." He replied as he went to remove his backpack from the chair next to him.

He was okay with me sitting next to him and I really wanted to smile at that. Just being near him brought a peaceful feeling to me. It was amazing how quickly the time passed while I was talking to him, and before I knew it they were calling all first class passengers for our flight.

He was in the middle of a question when I quickly got out of my chair. "Well, that would be me. Maybe we will see each other on the plane." And then I walked away. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to before the urge to be with him really consumed me and I did something that I would give eternity for, but would almost kill me at the same time.

Once seated in first class, I was given the usual complimentary glass of champagne. I didn't overly enjoy the stuff but I needed the hit of alcohol. Knocking back the champagne to calm my nerves which were in an uproar over meeting the most beautiful angel that has ever been placed on this earth. _Fuck! _I needed to get my head back on straight.

The plane took off and dinner was served, but I couldn't tell you what I ate. My mind was filled with thoughts of the blond haired Angel who was sitting somewhere on this plane. But where? _What did he have for dinner? What was he watching, if he was watching anything? What would he taste like? Would I, could I and should I kiss him?_ I know I wanted to, but was wanting it going to be enough? Because I knew that once I started kissing him, I would never want to stop. Ever.

And that was a problem.

My job was amazing. It allowed me to be whoever I wanted to be. I could travel the world, see places that most could only ever dream of, but it had a down side. I couldn't be the real me, even to myself. That was what I hated the most having to hide the one part of myself that I really wanted to embrace, my sexuality. I was gay and no one knew it other than me. My sexual experience was limited. I had only bottomed twice in my life with the same guy. Six months after the last time we had gotten together he had died in a car crash ending anything more. We weren't close. It wasn't as though we were embarking on a brand new relationship. We were just scratching each others itches. My sexuality had been suppressed for so long that I think my family may think I am asexual. I did the fake one date thing with women. I was always polite and never tried anything or allowed them to get too friendly with me. Even now the fake dates were getting further and further apart. I couldn't take the falseness of it all.

But now, having met an angel, I didn't know if I wanted to hide myself anymore. If he could make me feel like this from just talking, how would he make me feel with something as simple as a touch or a kiss? Oh, to be able to touch those lips even if it was just to feel them with my finger. But then if I touch him, would I be able to stop after just one touch? I didn't know if I could.

_What was he doing right now? Was he thinking about touching me, too? Was he even gay?_ I thought he was. The powerful need to see him was becoming too much to bear. _Just one look wouldn't hurt, right?_

Before I knew it, I was up out of my seat and heading towards economy. One of the cabin crew asked if I was alright and if I needed anything. Explaining to them that I just needed to stretch my legs, I pulled the curtain back. The lights had been dimmed in this area to allow the passengers to sleep during the long flight back. _Would I be able to find him?_

Luck was apparently on my side at the moment for he was only two rows down the aisle. He was curled up over the three chairs and he looked like he had been lucky enough to score. _How could he sleep? Wasn't he even affected by this thing between us at all? Shit! Was there even anything between us or was I just wanting something that wasn't even there?_

Moving closer to him, I gazed upon his gorgeous face while he slept. _God he was beautiful!_

As I stood over him watching him sleep, I saw a beautiful soft smile come across his face and a contented sigh was released from his lips. Maybe, just maybe, he was dreaming of me. That thought made me smile. How could it not, it made him more angelic. _Could I touch him without waking him? Could I give in to what I wanted without taking it too far? I had to try._

His lips looked so soft, yet strong. Just one touch, I could do that. Leaning down, I ran my forefinger lightly along his bottom lip and felt his breath gently caress it. To my delight his tongue ran along his lip tracing the path my finger had just taken. Tracing my fingers over his lip again, his tongue did the same and this time made contact with the tip of it. He moaned as they connected. Opening his mouth, he ran the tip of his tongue along my finger making me muffle a groan.

Looking down, my eyes locked with his blue eyes. They had so much depth that they made me feel as though I was drowning yet so safe at the same time. That made me want to never stop looking at them

Watching his mouth take the whole of my finger into his warm cavern, his tongue was weaving it's magic and I was falling under it's spell. If he could make me feel like this from just sucking on my finger, I was almost afraid to think about what it would feel like for his mouth to be surrounding my throbbing cock.

"Fuck," I mouthed before closing my eyes. I started moving my finger slowly in and out of his mouth. After a minute or so, I opened my eyes and withdrew my finger from his mouth. He let out a small whimper at the loss.

Smiling lightly, I leaned down and whispered into his ear, "I have to stop you there or it could get extremely embarrassing. Fuck, you have me so hard I feel like I am about to bust through the zipper on my jeans."

He bit his lip trying to contain his moan before he grabbed my hand and took it back to his mouth. Taking my finger between his lips, he sucked all the way down to the base. He sucked hard before gently bringing his lips back to the tip. When he reached the tip he slowly ran his tongue around the top, causing my breath to hitch. Then my angel, yes mine, ran his tongue from the base of my palm to the tip of my finger, taking my finger into his mouth one last time.

"I want you so fucking much. If we weren't on this plane I would take you so hard and fast against every surface available." I was so incredible hard, I could have come right there and probably would have if he had continued.

It was his turn to murmur, "Fuck."

My angel sat up and pulled me into the chair next to him. He stared at me intently and it was starting to get really uncomfortable. _Oh fuck! Have I overstepped the bounds here? Did I go to far as to make him think that I am some sort of freak? Great! I have totally spooked him with being so forward. I need to get out of here now_.

"I... I'm ss.. orry," I stuttered and started to get out of the chair.

The look on his face looked to be one of pain. _Oh God! What have I done to my angel?  
_

"Where are you going?" He said a little loudly and roughly into the silence around us. The angel grabbed my hand and pulled me back towards him.

He looked up into my eyes and said with what seemed like complete honesty "Don't leave...please."

"Oh, thank God," I whispered. "I thought I had come on too strong. This isn't something I normally do." No, correction, I _never_ do this. It wasn't in my nature to let my inhibitions take complete control. _Was I willing to let it all go just once in my life?_

"I am extremely happy you did." My angel confessed. I could see a blush creep over his cheeks and I am sure that the same tinge of colour was on my face as well.

"Hey," I whispered into his ear. "Look at me."

He looked back at me, but my eyes were now focused on his mouth. _Fuck, should I kiss him? Was it too soon? _He raised his hand to rest it against my cheek, and he leaned forward and quietly asked, "Can I kiss you?"

A whispered "yes" was all I could reply.

My angel moved his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me closer towards him. My heart was racing and my palms began to feel clammy.

Our lips met and I heard his moan. The vibrations felt just as wonderful against my lips as they had around my finger. He moved his head slightly to deepen the kiss. I wanted more, a lot more.

I ran my tongue lightly across his bottom lip. He opened his mouth to receive my tongue and I was gone. The pleasure I felt having his taste filling my senses put me on overload. I never wanted this to ever stop. If it never went any further I would still be a very happy man as it could never get better than this.

We kissed for an immeasurable amount of time and I couldn't have been happier.

"I need to know your name," he whispered.

"E," was all the reply I was going to give him before I kissed him again.

"What is yours?" I asked quietly.

"Ja......." Was all I allowed him to get out before I put a finger against his lips.

"Then J and E it is. For now, anyway." I wanted to know everything about him but I couldn't let him know everything about me. It would be unfair to him so I could only have us as E and J.

"When is your flight to Texas?" I asked. 

I watched his face as he seemed be mulling something over that was leaving him confused. Could the travel through different time zones be confusing him as to what day it will be when we land? I laughed and said, "We will be arriving in L.A. at seven on Tuesday morning, so when do you fly out?"

"Oh, sorry." Smiling back at me as he finally took in what I had been asking, he answered, "Wednesday about noon."

"Where are you staying?" I needed to know because I was hoping that he might want to stay with me. _FUCK! _I have never wanted anyone to stay with me before. My apartment was my sanctuary and I hated when people intruded. I accepted the family visiting but even they knew that I wasn't overly comfortable. It was the one place where I could let all my barriers down and feel completely free to be myself even if I was only showing myself the true me. It was liberating.

But I wanted him there. I wanted him to at least know part of the real me. The me I could only be within those walls. I wanted to let him in and that scared me.

"Oh!" He frowned, and I couldn't help but laugh. "I hadn't really thought that far in advance. I just guessed I would figure it out when I got there."

I couldn't help but enjoy his answer. Leaning in I started kissing him again loving the feeling of his lips and tongue against mine. 

We continued kissing for most of the flight. Every now and then we stopped to talk a little. We were interrupted by one of the cabin crew who came to tell us that they would be turning the main cabin lights on as they were about to serve breakfast. He explained that we would be landing in L.A. in just under two hours, and thought that we would prefer not to have everyone looking at us. Then he suggested that I go back to my seat so they could get everything underway.

Leaving my seat,I turned to him and said, "I will see you inside the terminal." Then I kissed him quickly before returning to first class with a spring in my step and a huge smile on my face, one that stayed there for the rest of the flight.

* * * * * *

As I went through customs, all I could think about was **HIM**. Can I be brave enough to invite him back to my place? Should I let him into my haven? If I let him in, how will I feel after he is gone? _FUCK! I am already thinking about him leaving. I don't want him to leave. _

"Want to come back to my place?" I asked him, hoping that my nerves didn't show.

I could feel myself starting to panic. What would he say? Would he even agree? God, please let him say yes. Give this to me as I have never asked for much.

"Please," was his reply.

My heart skipped a beat. I was happy, nervous, extremely excited and now three times as horny as I had been on the plane. I was taking my angel home. What could be better than that?

We grabbed our bags and I led my angel outside towards the taxi stand. I could feel the warmth radiating off him as we walked side by side. My nerves were almost at a breaking point. I wanted nothing more than to grab his hand and to let everyone know that this beautiful man was mine. Lucky for me no one recognized me as I walked outside. Once we were inside the taxi I felt like I could relax a little. Checking to see what the driver was doing, I saw that it would be okay to grab J's hand and play with his fingers. The calming effect of his touch helped me to relax even more. J gave me a gorgeous smile and turned to face me. I returned his smile but couldn't help but check to see if the cab driver was watching_. _J must have sensed my uneasiness because he turned away from me to look out at the surroundings that flew past the window and he removed his hand from mine. I instantly felt the loss and I didn't like it. But what could I do about it?

Hearing my sigh, J turned back to look at me, his face full of confusion. I knew I wasn't making this easy on him, but I had to protect who I was. Fuck, even my family didn't know the real me. I needed to get him to my place and then things would be okay. God, I needed things to be okay. I needed him and even though he didn't know it, letting him into my apartment was one of the biggest gifts I could give either of us. He just needed to hold on a little bit longer as the cab was only a few short streets away from dropping us off. I needed this time with J almost more than I needed air at the moment. I wanted him to stay with me before he had to leave again. I needed every precious second with him, because God knew when I would get a chance like this ever again. Knowing how I felt at this moment in time, I was almost willing to pray to whoever would listen to allow J back into my life at some point after today.

"E, I think I sh......" Oh fuck, I have scared him off! He is going to leave me. Please don't let him leave. I want him and my need for him is all consuming.

"J, don't. Let's just go up to my apartment. We can talk up there."

Taking my suitcases off the sidewalk, I followed J into the building. Entering the lift, I pushed the button to the penthouse. I opened the door to the apartment. Turning, I noticed J's look of uncertainty. Before he changed his mind, I grabbed his hand and tugged him into my haven. Not being able to control myself anymore, I attacked J and pushed him up against the inside of the front door, my mouth attacking his. My tongue begged for entry and thankfully he gave it to me.

"Fuck! You taste so fucking good." I whispered against his luscious lips. Running my tongue down his neck, I grazed my teeth against his skin.

"God, that feels good." J whimpered.

"And it is about to get better. I want to taste all of you. No, change that. I need to taste all of you."

"Fuck." He said breathlessly, seemingly lost in the moment.

Without him apparently noticing, I got his button and zip on his jeans undone. "Let me suck you. Please, J. I need to feel you in my mouth."

* * * * * *

In the last three hours I had sucked J's beautiful cock, and he had rubbed my cock to a most powerful orgasm before showering. We had talked and slept a little before J had given me an amazing gift. He had allowed me to top him, something I had never done before. I had been so nervous, so afraid that I was going to cum way too soon that I hadn't appreciated the whole experience. I was too busy making sure that my angel, J, had enjoyed it to the best of my limited ability. _Fuck, I wanted to do that again and really, really soon. _

Turning on to my side so I could look at J, I could see he was lying there on his back with a small smile and appeared to be dozing. Damn, he was stunning to look at. I could spend the rest of my life just watching him. Once again the urge to touch him became overpowering and now that we were in private I wasn't going to stop myself anymore. Running my fingers lightly down his chest and over his ribs, J moved his head to look at me. His eyelids half hiding his smouldering eyes, they almost burnt me with their intensity. J moved onto his side so that we were facing each other and ran a finger gently down the side of my face.

"Fuck! I still want you so so much." He whispered huskily.

"Then take me J. I want to feel you in me more than anything."

"Come here." J said as he grabbed my arm and rolled onto his back at the same time.

Allowing him to pull me to him, I moved so that I was laying half on top of him. One of his hands went around my neck pulling me even closer so our mouths could connect. I couldn't help but moan as his tongue caressed mine. Never wanting this to end, I moved my head slightly so I could deepen the kiss even further. Our tongues danced together while our hands traveled over each others bodies. I moved so that I now laid completely on top of him.

We both moaned together as our hard, throbbing cocks rubbed against each other. It wasn't enough for either of us as J grabbed my hips and ground them harder against his.

Pulling my mouth away from his, I groaned. " Fuck, J! So good but I need more."

"Patience, Darlin'." I should have known that those words would come back to haunt me.

"Don't want to be patient. I want you to fuck me and fuck me hard."

A wicked smile came across his face. " I think for that I might just have to go extra slow."

J flipped us over so he was on top so quickly that I didn't notice until I felt the mattress against my back. "I never got to taste you earlier, babe, and I want to taste all of you."

He kissed me hungrily, our tongues mating with great passion. J left my mouth to trail his lips, tongue and teeth over my chin and down to my neck. He grazed my skin with his teeth before taking away the sting with his lips and tongue. The torture was exquisite, a mixture of pleasure and pain. The passion his mouth gave to me will live with me forever. He moved towards my chest, giving attention to every inch. My nipples beaded so tightly under the attention of his mouth. God, I wanted to feel his mouth everywhere at once. The bedroom was filled with my heavy moans. His mouth should be made illegal and he hadn't even reach my cock yet. I was almost afraid to even imagine what he could do to me there.

He was moving slowly down my body, nipping, sucking and licking every inch as he went, getting ever so close to where I wanted him but didn't at the same time. I had a feeling that I wouldn't last long when he reached my throbbing cock. J licked along the V that led to my groin. My breathing started to hitch the closer he got. But instead of taking me in his mouth, he spread my thighs apart and continued following my groin further back. Oh God, the anticipation of what was going to happen next had me on a knife edge. Feeling his mouth move down my right thigh, I started to relax a little and that was a mistake. As his mouth had been descending, I had failed to notice the movement of his hands. One hand wrapped itself lightly around my cock while the other one gently cupped my sack and tugged. The unexpected assault brought me close to the edge.

"Fuck J.....Stop...... Can't take....It...."

I felt J shake his head. Shit, he wasn't going to stop. I was going to cum any second if he continued.

"Need you to ......Stop..... Going to .......FUCK J.....Cumming." I grunted out as I came hard all over my chest and his hand.

J lift his head with the most triumphant look on his face. Bringing his hand to his face, he licked it clean. "Delicious." Then he journeyed back up to my stomach and chest, licking up my cum as he went.

Trying to catch my breath as I watched him, I couldn't help but marvel at this angel. "J! Kiss me." I said breathlessly.

"Gladly." He replied.

His lips and tongue attacked mine and I could taste myself mixed in with his unique taste. We both moaned into each others mouths. Enjoying the taste of us together, I ran my hands down his back and grabbed his ass, pressing his hard throbbing cock against me. Hearing a quiet "fuck" leave his lips, I couldn't help but smile against his lips. Slipping my hand between us, I wrapped my hand around him rubbing from the top to the base.

J chuckled. " Oh, I don't think so Darlin'. I haven't finished with you yet. Now turn over."

I pouted as I released his beautiful, hard cock from my hand and rolled over onto my stomach. J started his assault again against the back of my neck, using once again his teeth, tongue and lips. Moving slowly down my back, his tongue became more prominent in it's role. Long licks and loving swirls caressed my skin. _My God, this boy ha__s__ a talented mouth._ He reached my lower back and my breathing became erratic as I was eager to know what he was going to do next. J nipped the top of my left butt cheek and I gasped, loving the quick feeling of pain before he kissed and licked it better. I could feel myself getting hard again.

"On your knees." J commanded.

Tentatively, I got to my knees not knowing what to expect, but eagerly wanting whatever it was that J was going to give me. Looking over my shoulder, I saw a look of appreciation on J's face as his eyes roamed over my ass.

"Like what you see?" I asked with a smirk.

"FUCK YES!" J growled.

"Do your worst." I said, laughing quietly.

"Oh, I will do more than that baby." He replied while moving slowly back towards me.

Both of his hands massaged my ass while his mouth once again worked it's way along my lower back. J ran one finger down between my cheeks and lightly rubbed my puckered hole causing me to moan loudly.

"You like that?" J asked.

Instead of answering, I pushed back against his finger hoping that he would get the idea and apply more pressure. But he just chuckled and removed his finger. _Bastard_, I thought_._ I quickly took back that statement in my mind as his finger was replaced with his hot tongue. _FUCK YES! _My mind screamed. His tongue lazily lapped against my hole. Moaning, I moved my hips back against his mouth never wanting the feeling to stop.

"SHIT BABE!" I groaned loudly. "Don't stop..... Please don't fucking stop."

He flicked his tongue against my hole picking up speed. My breathless sounds increased and then he stopped.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I yelled out.

"Patience." Was all I got from him.

I looked over my shoulder at him, showing him my disbelief at him stopping. His smile widened. J moved away from me and laid on his back across the bed.

"Come here. Sit on my chest." J said as he grabbed a pillow, folded it in half and placed it behind his head.

I looked at him bewilderingly. _What the hell was he asking?_

"Trust me, E. I want you to fuck my mouth."

_HOLY SHIT!_ After hearing that I couldn't move quick enough. The fucker had the audacity to laugh at me as I scrambled to straddle his chest. His hands grabbed my hips and moved my cock closer to his mouth. J's lips encased the tip as his tongue swirled around the head. I couldn't stop myself from slightly thrusting my hard cock further into his mouth. His hands encouraged my hips to keep moving. I didn't want to hurt him so I kept my thrusts soft as I pushed more of my cock into his mouth until he was taking all of it. He hummed as my cock hit the back of his throat. Feeling the vibrations against the head of my cock felt so good that I started thrusting in faster, slightly harder strokes.

J moved one of his fingers so it was applying pressure once again against my hole. The stimulation of his mouth around my cock and his finger against my hole was something I had never felt before. On one of my thrusts J pushed the tip of his finger inside. Moaning loudly, I thrusted my ass back so I could get more of his finger inside.

"More J... Please."

J leaned across and got the lube from the night stand that was left there from before. He removed his finger from me and I heard the click of the lube lid. I had stopped thrusting my hips waiting for him to coat his fingers. Groaning, I felt him slip a finger back in and once again I could not stop myself from pushing my hips back against him, trying to take more of his finger inside. J moved his finger in and out a few times before removing it completely. I whimpered at the loss, but it quickly changed to a loud moan as I felt him slide two fingers into me this time. Thrusting his fingers into me caused me to start moving in and out of his mouth again. _Fuck!_ The dual sensation was exquisite. I couldn't control the movement of my hips as I let the feelings rule me.

Grabbing the headboard, I tried to focus some of my energy into holding on to it so that I wouldn't hurt J with my thrusts. I felt his fingers hit my prostate.

"Fuck J..... Harder..Please harder..."

He stopped the thrusting movement of his fingers, and pulled my hips back making my cock fall from his mouth. " Stop holding back baby. Fuck my mouth like you really want to. You can't hurt me."

Before I could start moving my hips, he added a third finger. It stung a little but the pleasure soon took over. I couldn't control my thrusts at this point even if I had wanted to. The pressure was building within me like never before. The intensity of feeling my cock in his mouth brushing against the back of his throat and his fingers hitting my prostate with such accuracy with each thrust was too much. J hummed around my cock as my thrust become erratic.

a

"Gonna...cum J...... ARGHHHHHHHH." I screamed as jets of my cum shot down his throat. J swallowed around the head causing me to yell out again. His tongue and mouth lapped up all of my nectar. Removing my softening cock from his mouth, it was becoming too sensitive for him to continue his administrations. Letting go of the headboard and sliding down his body took the last of my energy. My head rested against his chest, my breathing was still erratic, and I felt his arms go around me.

As my senses came back to me I noticed that J's cock was still rock hard. _Fuck! I had forgotten all about him_. _Could I be anymore inconsiderate? I really needed to make it up to him and quickly before he thinks I'm a complete Fuckhead. _

Unsure of how much time had passed, I lifted my head to look at my angel J and found him lying there with his eyes closed and a serene look on his face. _How can he be so peaceful? He has got to be suffering as I can feel how hard he is against my stomach._

"J?"

"Yeah baby."

"Why haven't you...?" God if I continued I was going to sound like an idiot. "Forget I said anything."

"What is it? You can ask me anything. Come on E don't be shy now."

By the look on his face I could tell he knew what I was going to ask. I felt the heat rising in my face. Planting my face back onto his chest to hide my embarrassment, I heard his soft chuckles and felt the vibrations against my cheek. _Oh yeah, he definitely knew._

"All in good time, E. I haven't finished with you yet." He continued chuckling, before adding, "Not by a long shot. Just letting you take a break." And with that last statement his chuckles became full on laughter.

J placed his hand under my chin. He lifted my head, lent forward and kissed me. Our lips met and our tongues danced together in a timeless tango, neither one of us fighting for dominance but just enjoying this intimate act together. Endless minutes were spent tasting each others essence, reconnecting in this simple yet erotic act. _God I could kiss this angel for hours and never get tired of it. _Lifting my body slightly, I ran a hand down his chest and over his stomach, lightly grazing the tip of his cock with my fingers. I caught his whimper in my mouth and I couldn't help but smile slightly at hearing that noise.

I continued to lightly run my fingers up and down his hard cock, changing every so often to slowly circle the head, loving the feeling of it twitching between us. J was groaning loudly underneath me. If it was even possible, I felt J get harder in my hand.

"Fuck E... Feels so good...But you need to stop."

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask while picking up the movements of my hand.

"Damn babe.... Want....You to ....ride ....me." He stuttered. His stomach clenching, showing me that he was getting close.

"Oh I don't know J." I said teasing him just a little. _But FUCK I couldn't think of anything better than riding my angel's thick, throbbing cock._

Moving off J, I leaned across him and grabbed the lube before sitting between his legs. Leaning back on one elbow, I ran the other hand down my chest towards my re-awakening cock. _HOLY SHIT! I can't believe I am starting to get hard again. My angel must have put a spell on me. _I laughed in my head at that last thought. Running my fingers lightly down the length of my cock, I grabbed the base and started rubbing myself feeling it harden even more. J must have liked what he was seeing as he groaned loudly, watching my hand through eyes half closed and that were full of lust and longing. I moved my hand down and cupped my balls, rubbing and tugging the sack in my hand.

J started to move towards me, but I shook my head telling him that I wanted him to lay back the way he was. Noticing that J was getting close to the end of his waiting, I grabbed the lube, popped open the lid and and coated my fingers. Leaning back again, I spread my legs wider and ran my hand between my legs moving them back towards my hole. Inserting one finger into my moist hole, I felt the tightness of my muscles ease open. Dual groans filled the room. After a minute, I added a second finger quickly followed by a third. Scissoring my fingers, stretching myself so I could take J's thick hard cock inside of me. My head fell back at against my shoulder at the vision of him filling me. Removing my fingers, I sat up and tossed the lube to J.

Getting to my knees, I crawled up and straddled his thighs. J passed me a condom from the box, which I tore open with my teeth before rolling it down his cock. We both groaned together as I coated his cock in lube before moving up to straddle his waist. Grabbing ahold of his cock, I lightly rubbed it along my crack feeling it tease my hole on the way past. Not being able to wait anymore, I lined myself up and slowly I lowered myself down. The head of his cock breached the tight muscles in my ass. Slowly moving up and down, I took more of him in me with each movement downward. Before too long I managed to take all of J's hardness inside of me. _Fuck, he felt so so good stretching me_. I could feel J tense beneath me, waiting for me to become accustomed to his size. Leaning forward, I kissed J hungrily. I felt completely overwhelmed at the feel of him inside me hard and throbbing, but so patient while he waited for me to get used to him.

Slowly I started moving my hips showing J that I was ready. My angel had his eyes closed as he groaned. He almost looked like he was suffering and in pain.

"Fuck." He moaned. "I ain't going to last long." J started thrusting his hips against mine, his cock hitting places in me that have never been reached before.

"God J ...so good." I managed to get out as he found my prostate and started hitting it repeatedly with each thrust.

My angel wrapped his hand around my hard cock and started rubbing my hardness in time with the thrusts of his hips. All the sensations J was giving me had me on a knife's edge again, ready to explode. Never would I have dreamed that a passionate experience like this could ever have happened to me. I felt like the top of my head was going to pop right off. Our movement became rough and urgent as we both raced towards climax.

"Are... you.. close?" I grunted out.

"Yes .....Fuck....Now E."

J did one last hard thrust before he started to release inside of me. Feeling his warm cum filling the condom, I couldn't hold back anymore and came hard over his hand and chest. Collapsing against him, I was utterly fucking spent, our breathing was irregular, and our skin covered in sweat.

"Shit J ... Never before......." I couldn't get the rest of it out.

"Me either babe."

Sometime later, I lifted my head and asked J if he wanted a shower. He grunted yes. Grabbing his hand I led him into the bathroom. While waiting for the water to heat up, I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him slowly, trying to show him how much this all meant to me. Leading him into the shower, I slowly washed him with tender care.

After the shower, we crawled back into bed for some much needed rest.

* * * * * *

I woke up knowing straight away that today was the day I had to say goodbye to my gorgeous angel. I wasn't ready to let him go and I'm not sure if I am ever going to be ready to let him go. Reaching out to pull him to me, I came up with empty hands. My eyes snapped open and I scanned the room noticing that it was also empty. Quickly throwing back the covers, I grabbed some boxers and went to check the rest of the apartment.

Reaching the kitchen I noticed a folded piece of paper on the bench. I was almost afraid to pick it up and read it. Taking a deep breath I read the note.

_Beautiful E,_

_Words can't even describe how much these last twenty-four hours have meant to me. You have given me the strength to go home and finally be true to myself and my family._

_I will always remember you and everything we had together. Maybe in a different situation or alternate reality you and I could have explored this more and been each others' life's passion._

_Thank you for everything..... I will never forget it._

_Just know that you will always have a small piece of my heart._

_Forever,_

_Jasper W. Hale._

My beautiful angel's name is Jasper. I slid down the cupboard to the floor where I hugged my knees to my chest and let the tears fall. My angel was gone and I was never going to see him again.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Thank you for all your lovely reviews and for your continued reading of my story.

Huge thank you again to dtav and her magic wand and to OCDJen for her continuing support and nagging for me to keep writing. And to the people I WC'd with to get this chapter moving.

* * *

Chapter Four

Edward's POV

It's been over a month since my twenty-four hours with J. The only reason I knew it had only been that long was because Alice keep harping on about it. She kept telling me that I haven't been the same since I had returned from Australia. I had spoken to Alice the day before I had left to come home, so she knew that something had happened to me between us talking on the phone together and when I saw the family a few days later. I hated that it had been that long since I had held my angel in my arms. I hated it almost as much as I hated Alice for her constant reminder of how much time had passed since my heart had become hollow.

Today was Sunday and I was back in town so I was spending the day at the family home. Mum had insisted that once we moved out of the house and if we were in town it was family day every Sunday. Mum would cook us a wonderful dinner and then we would laugh and talk. We'd swim in the pool or play games if the weather was horrible. Today they were trying out the new outdoor grill and Dad and Emmett were getting into a humorous argument over the best way to light it. We were all laughing at it but my laughter was only half hearted. Everything in my life was done with little emotion these days. I spent most days in a numb stupor, trying to forget but constantly wanting to relive every moment I had with Jasper.

I must have been lost in my thoughts as I hadn't notice Emmett come and sit beside me. Well, I hadn't noticed until he punched me hard in the arm. "Fuck Emmett, what was that for?"

"Language, Edward." My mother Esme said from across the table. "And Emmett, there was absolutely no reason for you to hit your brother that hard or to hit him at all."

"Sorry Mum." I said quietly but she still heard me.

She smiled at me tenderly, letting me know that she was here for me when I was ready to talk. _Yeah, like that was going to happen. How could I tell my parents that I am gay? _

Now that I was back in the present and Emmett knew it, the questions started. "So bro, what's got you all mopey more than normal?"

"Emmett, leave your brother alone." Mum scolded him.

"But Mum, I am sick of him being a mopey prick since he came home." He whined.

"Emmett." She growled at him to let him know that she wasn't impressed with his choice of words.

"It's okay Mum." I cut in, then turned to answer my brother. "Nothing much, just have a lot on my mind."

"Yeah like what?" He probed. "You're famous, and apparently very good looking, but not as good looking as me. You can have any chick you want. You have more money than you know what to do with and you have me for a brother. What more could you want in life?" Emmett was chuckling by the time he had finished talking.

"Yeah! Like having you for a brother is a highlight in any one's life." Alice said laughing.

"Hey, the chicks dig me. I can pull any woman I want. No one can resist me." Emmett said to Alice.

"And yet you rock up here all alone." Alice replied.

"Umm well..... This is family time." Emmett tried to convince us with little success.

"Pffft ...yeah right Mr. Ladies Man." Alice giggled.

Mum and I tried to hide our laughter behind our hands. It was the first laugh that had felt genuine in over a month. My father, Carlisle, came and joined us at the table and asked what he had missed.

"Oh just the usual banter." Mum replied, still smiling.

"Emmett, leave your brother alone." Dad said.

"But.... How ..me?" Emmett stuttered. Shocked at Dad's words, collecting himself he tried again. "Why would you assume that it was me?"

"Because it is always you." Alice said laughing again.

"Well, I was just wondering what was up Eddie's butt these days." Emmett told Dad.

"Emmett, call your brother by the name he was given." Dad said sternly before adding. "And we will find out what has crawled up there when it has started to rot."

We all looked at Dad in shock before bursting out in laughter. That is one thing you have to love about our parents, they can be serious one second before acting like children the next. There was never a dull moment in this family.

The banter continued throughout the afternoon only to be disrupted by Emmett's pager going off, interrupting family time. Emmett was a pediatric cardiologist at the children's hospital. He had followed Dad into the medical profession.

"They have found another heart for little Jacob." Emmett said, looking up from his pager.

"Thank God. Let's hope this one works." Mum sighed with tears in her eyes.

We had all gone on the ride with Emmett and his little man. Jacob was a six year old boy who was born with a heart condition and had spent most of his life in the hospital. His parents had been killed in a car accident just days after his last failed attempt at getting a new heart. Our family had started spending time with Jacob until they could find his relatives. It had taken months to find his grandparents who hadn't even known that they had a grandchild. They were loving towards Jacob but didn't have a lot of money for his , through pulling some strings, I paid for all of his treatments, while the grandparents thought that there was a special hospital foundation that was assisting to pay the bills.

Grabbing our stuff, we told Emmett that we would meet him at the hospital. Mum wanted to get something for Jacob for when he woke up. We arrived at Jacob's room just before he was being taken down to theater. He looked so scared and tiny lying in the bed. Jacob's little face lit up when he saw us walking in.

"Mama E, you came." His spoke in a voice that quivered with his fear.

"Of course, my beautiful boy, I told you that nothing would keep me away when this day came." My Mum said softly to him.

"Poppy." Jacob said quietly, using the nickname he had given my father.

Dad leaned down and hugged Jacob and whispered something in his ear that caused him to let out a very cute giggle. Hearing that sound brought me, my Mum and Alice, to have tears in our eyes. I then watched my father walk over to where Emmett was standing to discuss something medical. I always switched off when it came to them talking about cutting and anything to do with operating. Even more so when it came to Jacob. Little Jacob should have gotten a new heart nearly a year ago, but when the heart arrived at the hospital they noticed a small defect in a valve so the organ could not be used for Jacob. He was closed back up and brought back to his room where he had lived for eight months. So if this operation was not successful, Jacob would have spent nearly two years in this god forsaken hospital room. It would break Jacob's grandparents and my family if this wasn't successful.

"Hey little bro." I held up my fist for him to bump against with his as I greeted him. He returned the gesture and replied back, "Hey big bro." It had fast become our greeting about twelve months ago.

Emmett coughed, causing Jacob and I to look at him. "It's time to go down now little bud. These men here are going to wheel you down to pre-op and I will see you there. OK?"

Jacob looked anxious as he nodded his head. Tears were quickly filling up his eyes and everyone else's in the room. We all watched as he was wheeled away.

My mother quickly spun around to face Emmett. "Please tell me it is going to work this time, Emmett. Please, he can't go through this again. Shit, neither can I." She begged. And the fact that Mum swore let us all know she was deadly serious.

"I promise I will do anything in my power." And we knew that he would and it was all he could do. Miracles would be nice but the reality of it was that miracles were very rare. I watched my brother sigh and walk out the room. His shoulders looked like the weight of the world was on them. He wouldn't want to disappoint any of us.

The family and I walked down to the waiting room. I let out a long breath as I sat down on the couch. Alice sat beside me, and Jacob's grandparents and our parents sat together over on the other side of the room. Noticing how still Alice was I became worried. Alice was a bundle of energy, never stopping, so for her to just sit there and not move scared me. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled so that her head laid against my chest. I felt her tremble as she tried to contain her tears, for we both knew that if Mum saw either of us crying, she would start with the tears too.

As Alice settled, I let my mind drift to the one place that I had been avoiding for so long, J. Seeing Jacob go through all this at such a young age had made me re-evaluate my life, even more so after my day with Jasper. J had opened a whole new world to me in those twenty-four hours, a world that I wanted more than anything. But it was a world I had to forget, deny that I even knew it existed. _Could I forget it? Did I even want to forget it?_ _Was I willing to give up what I had with Jasper now that I knew something like that was out there and obtainable? But what if it was only that way with him? See, this is why I didn't want to think about it._ The questions it brought out just got me more confused, burying me in possibilities that were just out of my league because of my job. My job was exciting, every day was different, nothing the same. I had learnt so much from doing what I do, but the restrictions it placed on my life have only become more noticeable since meeting J.

Looking at my watch, I noticed that two and a half hours had gone by since little Jacob's operation had begun. I was antsy and needed to stretch my legs. Gently nudging Alice, I let her know that I wanted to get up and that she would need to move. Standing up, I looked over to my parents and indicated to them that I was going for a walk. Not sure of where I was heading, I just let myself drift through the hospital. Goodness, how much time had passed.I found myself outside sitting under a tree in the court yard.

My thoughts were getting harder to control now. Every time I thought that I had a handle on keeping my thoughts away from thinking about Jasper, they just kept slipping back in. _Was it wrong to have thought that just one day with my angel would be enough? Was I that naive to have thought that I could control what my body subconsciously wanted? OK, so maybe it wasn't so subconscious. The body wants what the body wants. And fuck knows I want Jasper, way too fucking much. I had his full name, so do I go looking for him? Would he be able to cope with having to stay in the dark, being only known as my friend when out in public? Once again, could I be that selfish to him? Could I deny myself that chance to be happy? Yes, I need__ed__ to deny myself, as my happiness was so completely different to what I would want for him. I think I could be happy with him and it being secret, but I could not do that to Jasper. He had the chance to be free and open with who he is, I don't._

Taking my wallet out of my back pocket, I took out the worn, slightly ragged note. _Yes, call me pathetic but it was the only thing I had to remind me that it did happen, that it was real and not just some figment of my lonely, over active imagination. _I can't remember how many times I have read it. Half the time I don't realize that I have the note in my hand. I try to stop myself from touching it as I am afraid that it is going to fall apart in my fingers. Today my need to read his words was so very strong. Unfolding it, I started to read the familiar words.

This was how Alice found me, sitting under the tree reading and re-reading his note. "Edward?"

"Oh! Hey Alice." I said, not lifting my head, as I quickly folded the note back up and placed it back in it's special place in my wallet.

"What was that?" Alice asked, pointing to my wallet.

Lifting my head, I was about to reply when Alice interrupted me. "Oh Edward, what has you so upset? And don't tell me it is just Jacob. I know that it is a lot more than that. You haven't been happy since you returned. Today was the first time I have heard you really laugh in such a long time."

She then leaned across and wiped the tears, that I didn't even know I had shed, off my cheeks. Alice always was too fucking observant for her own good, and I wondered if I could steer her away from the truth. But what could I tell her that she would accept as a reason for my moods? Unfortunately, I took too long to answer because what she said next blew me out of the water.

"Who is he, Edward?"

_  
FUCK!!!!!_

"What the fuck, Alice? You said he. I ......"

Alice cut off my rant. "Don't even think about bullshitting me, Edward. You really can't believe that I haven't caught on to things. I have noticed that your so called dates have become further and further apart. You are a sexual being and if you aren't dating females then it only leaves me to believe, and I know it to almost be true, that you are into males. So answer my original question Edward, who is he?"

It was useless to even try to keep things from Alice. She would have gotten it out of me anyway, so there was no use to try and hide it. I sighed, and whispered. "Jasper."

"Did he hurt you?"

"What the fuck, Alice? No, he didn't hurt me. He was nothing but gentle, sweet, beautiful and so so loving. J was everything I could have ever wanted. It was like he was made just for me."

"Why do you keep saying was? Edward, what did you do?"

"I .... I wasn't fair to him, Sis. I didn't tell him my name. He only knows me as E. I only knew him as J during our time together. I wouldn't let him tell me his name. I didn't want him to get his hopes up and think that there could be anything more than the one day we had together." Sobs started to rack my body, and I felt the hole inside me rip open further. Talking about this with Alice just made it all so fresh and new again.

"I ... let him go....want him back." I got out through my broken breath.

"Oh, Edward." Alice pulled me towards her, but not before I saw the tears forming in her eyes. "Shhhhh...... it will be okay. But answer me this, why did you let him go?"

"He was on his way home to Texas. Just in L.A. for the day."

"You could have asked him to stay longer or to come back." Alice suggested.

I shook my head, burying my head further into Alice's neck. I replied, "My job. I can't be gay in my job."

"That's fucking bullshit. Your job is not who you are, Edward. I think you are so used to playing someone else that you have forgotten how to be yourself. When was the last time you sat down and really thought about what you wanted? Not what someone else wants for you, but what you want deep down inside."

"I'm not sure that I ever really have. I don't know who I am anymore."

"You are a son, a brother, a saviour to Jacob, as well as a big brother to him. You are a loving, giving man with a beautiful soul. I just think that you have forgotten how to love anyone that isn't family, but more importantly you have forgotten how to love yourself. You are so busy being what you think people expect you to be that you have lost your true self."

"It doesn't matter anymore Alice. Jasper is gone and I need to forget and move on."

"Edward, what were you reading when I walked up?" Alice asked quietly.

Retrieving the letter from my wallet, I handed the worn letter to Alice and read the letter along with her in my mind. I looked over at Alice as she folded the letter back up and noticed that she had fresh tears in her eyes. She gave me a watery smile before launching herself into my arms. The feel of her arms around me felt healing. It was like she had repaired the widening of the hole that had occurred today. The hole was still there but having shared part of my heartache with Alice had made it a little bit more bearable. The weight on my shoulders lifted a little knowing that I had someone I could talk to if I needed to. Not that I was going to do that as I had to move on. I had to leave the one person who could have been the love of my life in my past. He could be a beautiful memory for the rest of my life and nothing more.

My mother found us like this and joined us in the hug. She had tears in her eyes but I knew that they were for a different reason. Oh God, I had been so wrapped up in my own misery for the last few hours that I had forgotten about Jacob.

"Mum." I said her name in a worrying tone.

"Happy tears honey. Emmett just came and saw us. Jacob made it through the surgery. Now we just have to wait to see whether he rejects it or not." She lifted her eyes up to the sky and prayed. "Please let that little boy accept his new heart. Please let Jacob live a long, happy life."

"Amen." I added at the end. None of us were religious but sending it out there couldn't hurt, right?

"When can we see him?" Alice queried.

"They are moving him to PICU in about half an hour and then about an hour after that Emmett said that we could go and see him." Mum replied.

"Thank God for that." Alice murmured.

"What was going on when I first got here? It seemed pretty intense." Mum asked.

"We were just talking about things, highs, lows and stresses of our lives." Alice told her before looking at me and giving me a sly wink.

You have to admire Alice for that. She might want to know everything but she was loyal to a fault with those she loved. She was never one to tell your deepest secrets. Alice could and would blab on the same things but when it came to things, like what I had just shared with her, I knew that she would take it to her grave. Even if I eventually told the family she would never let on that she already knew.

Alice linked her arms with Mum and me and lead us back towards the hospital. We probably looked weird to everyone around us, but you could see that none of us really cared. We were just so fucking happy that Jacob had made it through the surgery. Mum indicated that she was going to the ladies room, so Alice and I stood off to the side to wait for her.

"Are you going to look for him?" Alice inquired.

"Why would I do that?" I asked back.

She rolled her eyes at me before replying, "Don't play stupid with me Edward. I have never seen you like this before over anything. You need this. You need HIM."

There was no way I could not have noticed the emphasis on the word _him_. "No, I don't Alice." I replied through clenched teeth.

She glared at me. "Fuck Edward! I have never seen you be so fucking stubborn. Give in for once, enjoy life and take a fucking risk for a change."

I never got a chance to respond as our mother returned to us. Taking the lift back up, I let my mind wander. Should I? Would I? Could I? It was a huge risk, one I wasn't confident that I could take. Fuck knows there was a part of me that wanted to and a part of me that was too afraid to contemplate the thought of it. I guess I was just going to have to let those parts fight it out. 

________________________________________________________________________________ 

Please read & review......... 


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who reviewed... your words have encouraged me to continue this story.

Huge thanks to dtav for once again waving her wand over my work. Big hug and thanks to OCDJen who pre-reads this and listens to my whining about being stuck.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter

Chapter Five

Jasper's POV

A month after I had come out to my parents, me and Rose up and left and headed for Seattle. Once I had decided where I wanted to go, Rosalie had jumped right in to get everything organized. I had rung Angie that night to tell her we were coming to town and she had invited us to stay with her and Ben until we could find a place, but Rose wasn't for that. She had contacted a real estate agent two days after we decided to come here and told them what we wanted. She also told them that she would be up there that weekend to have a look at what there was for us to choose from.

We now live in a large two bedroom apartment. It was a little bit more than I would have gone for, but it made Rose happy so I was okay with it. We lived about ten minutes away from Ange so we usually met a couple of times a week at a restaurant or pub somewhere in the middle. Rose and Angela had formed an amazing friendship since we had been here. They leaned on each other during their bad times and shone together through all the good.

Soon after we arrived, Rose got a volunteer job at the Children's Hospital. She was reading to them, playing video games with them and just generally playing with them to get their minds off their illnesses. She was great with children and would make a wonderful mother one day if she would ever allow a man to ever get close to her again. Rose hadn't even gone on a date since her rape. There were very few males that Rose felt comfortable being around. Here in Seattle it was only me and Ben and even then she still couldn't accept a hug from him.

As for me, I had gotten a casual job at a coffee shop. Since arriving in Seattle, I had had an uncontrollable urge to write. The words have flowed to the point that some days I can't type fast enough for what my mind is trying to tell me to put down. So the occasional shift at the Coffee Hut got me out of the house, away from the computer and into some social interaction. The strange thing was that even though I was finally out of the gay closet and I could be my true self, I hadn't gone anywhere to meet anyone. Rose had tried to get me to go to a gay club. She even went so far as to offer to come with me.

It is hard to think about meeting someone else when you have had the nearest thing to perfection. And to me, that is what that one day with E had been. I didn't have a lot of experience when it came to relationships and one night stands weren't my thing. I broke my number one rule by spending just one night with him. But how could I have not, he was everything good personified. I still used those memories for my nightly activities. I guess I wasn't ready to let the memory of him go for anyone.

Besides, aside from the hours I worked at the coffee shop, my writing was my escape. I hadn't talked to either Rose or Ange about my time with E. It was something that I wanted to keep sacred.

I enjoyed working at the coffee shop. It was a fun and comfortable place to work. Maria, the owner, hardly ever made anyone pull in a extra shift if she could do it herself. But today two people had called in sick and she had called me in. Not that I minded, as I said it was fun. Working with Maria was always fun as she enjoyed the jovial work environment. I had nothing else better to do with my time other then write, and the shift would go quickly like it always did.

"Jasper, my beautiful boy, thank you for coming in." Was my greeting from Maria as I walked through the door.

"Always for you Darlin'." I replied with a wink.

Maria laughed. "That charm of yours could get you in big trouble one day."

"Never. Who could resist me?" I said with more confidence than I felt.

Maria smirked, then threw an apron at my face. I caught it without much effort and stuck my tongue at her.

"You are such a child, Jasper." She said shaking her head, but I could see that she was laughing again.

"You started it." I threw back at her, hamming up the childishness of the situation.

Maria rolled her eyes but there was definite mirth in her expression. "Go clean up those two tables."

"Yes, Mum." I whispered.

Apparently she heard me because she scoffed as I walked away. There was no way Maria could be my mother or anyone elses that worked here. She was thirty and had opened the shop with the money she had received in her divorce settlement. All the staff felt the motherly aura that surrounded Maria, as most of us who worked here had little or no family. I sometimes wondered if she had some how planned it that way. She made us feel wanted and needed.

The time pasted quickly and before I knew it there was only about half an hour left of my six hour shift. The coffee shop had been filled with constant customers the whole time so I hadn't even had time to take a break. Looking around, I noticed that the shop was the busiest it had been all day. _Fuck I was tired._ Maria was taking orders and I was making the drinks. It was getting to the point that I never wanted to see, smell or drink coffee ever again.

Looking around at the people that were waiting, I was trying to see if there was anyone that could take my fancy, even just a little bit. Because truth be told, I was starting to wonder if I was gay anymore. I mean I knew I was definitely not straight but you would think that a healthy young gay guy would at least find someone attractive. I had tried on several occasions and so far all I could figure out was that at the moment I appeared to be Esexual. No one could get my dick to stir, only him, well the memory of him.

I had just finished making someones frou frou drink. That is what I call them when someone orders something stupid like a vanilla half decaf latte with soy milk with extra chocolate on top. All of a sudden, it felt like someone was staring at me. Scanning the room, I made eye contact with a beautiful pair of green eyes, the same color green from my memories. I tried to look at the rest of his face but I never got the chance as the owner of those eyes had already turned and hurried out of the shop. It couldn't have been him though because this person had gorgeous hair that was a mixture of bronze and brown with a touch of gold, and E's hair had been brown. _God, could I be more pathetic? I have been thinking about him so much lately that it seems I am now trying to project bits of him onto other people. Fuck Jazz, could you be anymore fucked up?_

Reminding myself once again that though I had the most wonderful time of my life with E, he didn't really want me. If he had then he would have told me his full name, asked for a phone number and/or planned to meet me again. I know that I went along with the silent request to not talk about anything personal, but I was in such awe that this god like person wanted to be with me that I didn't push the issue. And fuck wasn't I paying for it now.

But those eyes, they were so like his that I couldn't help but wonder if it was him. The color, the shape and even the way they made me feel like I was being drawn into the soul of the person. It all reminded me of E. My obsession was going to be the death of me, or Rose was going to have to get me committed. Actually the thought of a forced holiday and medication might not be a bad idea if it helped me to forget him and move on with my life, especially after today.

The staff for the next shift came in and took over, allowing me go and flop on the couch in the staff room. Maria soon joined me looking at me strangely.

"Jasper.... honey, what's wrong? You look like you have seen a ghost. I think I lost you there for the last few minutes of your shift."

"Sorry Maria, I thought I saw someone that I knew in the service line. It kind of threw me off guard."

"Maybe you did honey because there was a guy in line who was staring at you before he turned and hightailed it out of the shop."

_E was in town. Why? And why didn't he stop and say hello? Did he regret our time together? Was it that bad? I thought us together was fucking hot and if the heavens aligned again we could do it all over again. Why did he run? _My thoughts were interrupted by Maria shaking me back to the present.

"Honey, go home and don't worry. Maybe he was just shocked to see you and he will come back and it will all work out."

"Thanks Maria, although I am not sure of what to think if it really was him."

Leaving the shop, I wandered towards home. My mind was in complete upheaval with the thought that E could be in Seattle. And of all the coffee shops in town, he walked into the one I worked in. Was it fate or was it just a big fucking coincidence that he chose that particular shop? If it was fate then what exactly did that mean? Were we being given a second chance? Or was it a cruel joke, letting me know that he was here in town but that was all I was going to be given? A snippet of what could have been.

Unsure of how long I had been walking for, I lifted my head and I knew I was no way near home. I had never been to this part of town before. _Shit! Was I going to be able to find my way home?_ _God Jasper, you are a fucking idiot! You're an adult, get a fucking taxi if you need to_. Looking around, I noticed a shop that piqued my interest. _Fuck it. I had always wanted one and now I knew exactly what to get_. I walked across the road to the tattoo shop.

Walking through the door, I was greeted by a Native American guy who I assumed was just a little older than me. "Hi, my name is Sam. How can I help you?"

"Hi." I replied nervously. "I have wanted a tattoo for a long time and I now know exactly what I want. And, I want it done now if possible."

"Sure, I should be able to do it now if the design isn't too intricate."

"No, it's not too detailed and I only want it about two inches tall. I want a Japanese letter on my chest over the top of my heart."

"That shouldn't be a problem. What letter do you want?"

"An E please."

Sam indicated for me to lay down on the table while he setup the equipment and removed the hygienic wrappers. "Thank God I don't have to shave your chest."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. Yeah, I was one of those guys who had no chest hair. My happy trail started at my navel. And, I have to admit I wasn't a fan of chest hair on my men. E had a smooth muscled chest that I had loved to run my lips and tongue over. Sam told me that he was about to start. I nodded my head but didn't really take any notice as my thoughts had drifted back to my time with him. I was getting this tattoo for a couple of reasons, one was to try and purge him from my mind. He hadn't really wanted me, I meant nothing to him. But it seems that he means much more to me than I was even really wanting to admit. The second reason was as a reminder for myself never to let a guy control my life again the way that E has over the last six months. He had controlled my thoughts and my life for way too long and today at the coffee shop confirmed it.

The buzzing of the needles reminded me of a angry and annoying mosquito. The noise was pissing me off more than the needles piercing my skin. I couldn't help but wonder what Rose would think about me getting a tattoo. My reason/lie was all sorted out. I knew that Rose would spot it no matter how hard I tried to hide it. So I decided that I wasn't going to even attempt to keep it from her. The woman had eyes like a hawk. What would E think of the tattoo?

"Fuck." I muttered.

The buzzing noise stopped. "Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"Yeah man, I'm fine. A stray thought just entered my head."

"Is your girlfriend going to be pissed at you for getting this?" He indicated to the half finished tattoo on my chest.

"Nah, I don't have one." I answered.

Sam chucked, then said, "That's nice to know that I won't have some irate girlfriend wanting to hurt me for marking her man."

Laughing I replied, "No you might get an irate sister though." I saw his eyes widen for a second. "Does the angry girlfriend thing happen often?"

"More than I would like. It usually happens after a Friday or Saturday night boys night out. They go home and the girlfriend sees it and goes ape shit. Then they try to blame me for not stopping them. They aren't children so I can't stop them. Though I do now check how much they have had to drink beforehand. Some are still adamant to have it done." Then Sam started up the machine again.

"What is the most common tattoo?" I asked loud enough to be heard over the buzzing.

"It's hard to say." He said before having a think about it.

The conversation continued until the tattoo and after care were done. After paying Sam for his work, I left the shop and headed back towards were I thought home was. It was getting late so I decided to hail a taxi and text Rose to tell her that I would be home soon. I didn't want to ring her for I could foresee a telling off was coming my way. It was a lot later than I thought and I just wanted to get home and then I would deal with Rose and her protectiveness of me.

Walking into the coffee shop to do my regular shift, I had to wonder again if it had been Edward in the shop yesterday. I greeted the other staff and Maria, grabbed my apron and went to take over the operation of the coffee machine. "Who am I working with?" I asked Riley.

"Maria again, man. What did you do to warrant all the attention of the boss." He joked and gave me a semi hard punch, that landed right on top of my tattoo.

I couldn't help but gasp and clutch at my chest. "What the fuck, Riley?" I grumbled quietly so no customers would hear me swear.

"Since when did you become a such a wimp, Whitlock." Riley laughed.

"I got inked yesterday shit head and you just hit the spot."

"Sorry dude."

I knew he was sorry for it. He had been inked a lot more than I had.

Getting settled into my shift with ease, it was half gone before I knew it. The stream of customers had been so constant that I had barely had time to look up at the people coming into the shop. Maria and I always worked well together. We almost had a secret, silent language going on between us. The shop emptied and I took the time to go to the bathroom. As I walked back to the service area, I noticed the small line of people. But what shocked me the most was who I saw standing in the line. It was him. My E was right in front of me! I couldn't help but wonder if I was dreaming or if had I slipped in the bathroom and hit my head.

Maria must have seen me out of the corner of her eye as she called my name but I couldn't take my eyes off his gorgeous face. He heard Maria and looked up and over at me. The look of shock covered his face. The color drained from his face and he spun around and moved very quickly out the door. On seeing his retreating back, I felt tears forming in my eyes. Maria noticed and asked the customers if they would mind waiting for a few minutes. She grabbed a bottle of water, took me to the back room and gently sat me on the couch.

_I could not believe it! He didn't want to see me. I had to be something that he regretted, I was nothing. I had just been a meaningless fuck._

"Here honey drink this." Maria handed me the bottle of water. "Was that the same guy as yesterday?"

I nodded my head unable to speak. The whole scene still felt so surreal like I had been watching some weird virtual realities where I could see everything but couldn't become involved in what I was seeing. Had he lied to me about how few men he had slept with? Was I just another notch in his bed post? I shook my head away from those thoughts as I was at work and needed to get back to it.

"Sorry about the mini freak out Maria. I will get back to work now."

"Jasper you don't have to put on a brave face for me, honey. How about we go for a drink after work and you can tell me all about it. I don't know if I can offer the right advice honey, but I am a good listener and I think you need to talk to someone about what is going on."

"Let me think about it and I will get back to you before the end of my shift." Rising from the couch, I went back out to the front and started making up the orders.

When we had a rare moment when the shop was empty, Maria looked over at me and motioned for me to go and sit at a table.

"I know this isn't going to be easy for you Jasper honey, so I thought that I would start off just by asking some simple questions. You don't have to answer them, but I think it will help me to start to understand what happened today and in the past." Maria said then she continued after she saw my head nod.

"Jasper I know you are gay, and I know that you don't advertise the fact. It actually took me months to be sure." She continued with a small smile. "I wasn't sure until I watched this one girl flirt with you over the course of several days and you didn't even bite. That was a little strange as I have seen you flirt with other customers before. You have that natural charisma and southern charm which makes most of us weak at the knees. Flirting almost comes natural to you but with this cute little girl you were friendly but there was nothing else. But, it came back again several customers later. It was so strange to watch. Did you know her?"

"I don't think so, though I did feel weirdness around her."

Remembering the incident that Maria was talking about, I thought back to the pixie like girl who had stared at me the whole time she had been waiting in line. She stood at no more than five feet tall, black spiky hair and she had the same color eyes as he did. Her constant staring at me hadn't really bothered me, it was the look in her eyes. It was like she knew me or knew of me. I found myself a little afraid of her which was ironic given her small stature. My six foot inch frame should have intimidated her not the other way around.

Our conversation was cut short at that point as two customers came into the shop. The rest of my time at work passed quickly. I decided to take Maria up on her offer to talk. I had kept all this inside for too long and figured that talking about E would be another good way to purge him from my mind, heart and soul. And after today, with his apparent horror at seeing me, it was the only thing left to do. There was no hope now of us ever being together again, he had made that very clear. His actions had answered any questions I might of had and dashed any hope of feeling that unexplainable heat filled passion, love and hope ever again.

When the next shift came in and took over, I told Maria that I would go and get a drink with her. In my mind I knew that it was going to take a lot more than one drink for me to get all the story out. Indicating that I would meet her out front as she had a few things left to do before she could leave, I left the shop. Pulling my phone out, I texted Rose to let her know I was going for a few drinks with Maria so she wouldn't worry.

Rose's message back quickly asking if I was going straight on her. I laughed and was about to reply when I heard my name.

"Jasper?" That amazing voice whispered in a questioning tone.

As I turned around I couldn't help but gasp as I really was staring at him in all his glorious magnificence. _Why was he here? He had made it more than clear earlier that I wasn't what he wanted to see_. Not quite knowing what to do, I turned to leave.

"J...Please don't..."

"Don't what? Leave? Isn't that what you want? You certainly gave the impression that you didn't want to be near me earlier." It didn't come out with as much anger as I had wanted it to, but I was just so stunned to see him there in front of me.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, his voice laced with sadness, and his eyes staring at the ground between us. "Can we talk?"

"Why? I got the message E, you don't want us to acknowledge the fact that we once knew each other even if it was only in the physical sense." The anger was now more evident in my hardened tone.

"You're wrong." He lifted his head and stared right into my eyes. "I was just shocked to see you."

"That's fucking bullshit, you knew I worked there. You were in the shop yesterday."

"Fuck! This is not how I wanted this to go." Sadness clouded his beautiful face.

"How did you expect it to go? Were you expecting me to come running into your arms? Sorry can't do that, especially after your exit earlier."

"Please Jasper, I really want, no need, to talk to you. I haven't been ....."

E never got to finish his sentence as Maria had chosen that moment to make her entrance. I watched her as she looked from me to him and back again.

"You okay honey?" Maria asked as she continued to look at both of us.

If there hadn't been so much tension in the air I would have laughed as she looked like she was watching a really good game of tennis, with her head whipping back and forth between us. I nodded at her before looking over at him. _Fuck! I didn't know what to do. I wanted to talk to him, to find out what he wanted. But at the same time why should I put myself in a situation where I knew it was going to end badly for me._

"Jasper, did you still want to go get a drink or have you changed your mind?"

E looked at me with a small amount hope in his eyes. Looking at Maria, I saw curiosity and understanding.

_Fuck I guess the choice was mine...._


	6. Chapter 6

**AN/ Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, MWAH. **

**Thanks to my prereader, OCDJen for reading this for me and spending time helping me out when I got stuck. Thanks to my wonderful beta, dtav for going in and sorting out all my bad grammar and making it look all pretty for me.  
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Chapter Six

Edward's POV

For the last three months I had been in Seattle working. My time was coming to an end. No more being surrounded by the same people day in day out, giving me zero time to myself, time that I was craving like a mad man to have. Being around people was good because it gave me that much needed human to human contact, but that contact was only good in small doses. I wanted, no, I needed to spend sometime by myself. I needed to go back to my quiet existence where it was just me, myself and I.

Jasper had so much to do with this. He was the root of my need to be alone. Since meeting him and spending those wonderful twenty-four hours together everything else just seemed pointless. People, who might have once held some interest to me, had now become boring and time wasting. All I wanted was to get this job over so I could hole myself up in my apartment and dream the impossible dream.

"Okay, that is it for the day everyone. See you tomorrow for the last day." A voice came through a bull horn.

_Thank fuck for that! _One more day of this shit and I would have a couple of months to myself. Maybe I should go on a holiday, somewhere far enough away that reality can be the dream and the dream can, at least in my mind, become reality.

How could I have been so fucking stupid to have ever believed that just one day with Jasper was going to be enough? The instant attraction I had felt for him from the other side of the airport should have been a clear indication that whatever we had was stronger than a quick fling could ever fix. I was such a fucking idiot when I told him that it could never be anything more. This is something I was now regretting to the nth degree. It was something I was going to have to live with the rest of my life.

As I arrived back at my hotel suite, I was greeted by a very hyperactive Alice. She jumped into my arms and squealed.

"What the hell are you doing here Alice?" Of course I was happy to see her, just shocked that she made the trip without telling me.

"I wanted to be here for your last day." Alice answered.

"Come on Alice, I have had many last days before that and you didn't come to visit me then." I was starting to get a little suspicious.

"Just thought that I would take a little holiday and visit my brother. Is that a crime?"

Okay, now I was definitely suspicious. "Alice, just tell me why you are really here."

"I am here to spend time with my brother before he goes reclusive again."

Okay, she had me there. I had slowly been shutting everyone out, although it hadn't been on purpose. I just didn't feel like I could keep up the fake happiness around my family anymore. With Alice being here, I knew that the whole family was concerned and wanted her to try and find out what the problem was. Little did they know that she already knew what was getting me down.

"Come on Edward, let's go get something to eat."

We found a restaurant down the road that looked good to try and I have to admit it was really nice to have Alice here. I didn't have to hide anything and I could talk about everything, even how much I was missing Jasper. Alice was even more chatty than normal so I knew she was hiding something, but I was just too tired to really care. It wasn't until we got back to the hotel that Alice started to let out what she was hiding.

"Oh Edward," she started a little slyly which had me worried.

"Yes." I answered wearily.

"I arranged for us to stay in Seattle a little longer."

_What the hell?_ "Why?" I had a feeling I was going to regret the answer.

"Brother, sister time...... I thought maybe we could go to a gay club. I have always been curious and I am sure that you have too."

My mouth hung open, I was absolutely gobsmacked. _Why would Alice do this to me? Yes I was curious, but no one had done anything for me since I had met J_. _Maybe I should go to a gay club, get Jasper out of my head and find some other guy to use in my fantasies. But what if someone notices me__?_

__Finally getting my head around what Alice had suggested, I replied. "I can't Ali..... as much as I want to, I can't. What if I get recognised? What if I am outed?"

"I have thought about that and there are a few answers you could give people. You could say that you are researching a role or you could stay that you decided to go to a gay club because you were sick of always being hit on when out so you thought that it would be nice to be able to go out and not have to worry about all the nutty fans. It will be fun, just you wait and see."

_Could I? Should I? Was I game enough? I almost wanted to go just to see what it was like? Be myself even if I can't show it. Finally be free to check out the talent like a normal person. ARGH! This was just too fucking confusing._

"I don't think so Ali, but thank you for thinking of me."

"Don't say no just yet, think about it for a few days. In the meantime, we can go shopping and visit the art galleries and museums. Hang out, go get massages and facials."

"For fuck sake Alice, I am a closet gay not some girlfriend that you can go to the beauty salon with."

_Holy fuck! That was the first time I had said that I was gay out loud to anyone other than Jasper. It felt extremely weird but also liberating at the same time._

"But Edward .... " She whined.

"Alice." I whined back.

We looked at each other and started laughing. We had slipped back into our childhood antics. I loved my sister and it was nice that I had someone I could talk to and I had done that a lot over the last few months. Back when all this had happened with Jasper, I was terrified of ever thinking that I could be open about this with anyone. But leave it to my perky inquisitive sister to love me enough to make the effort to get me to talk and to accept me for who I am, even if it is something I hide to all the world aside from Alice and Jasper.

"Baby steps please, Alice. Although a massage does sound pretty fucking good."

"Just want to help." Alice said quietly.

"You are, just by being here and being supportive." I replied. I then sighed, "Thank you for letting me talk about him, it helps me to remember that he is real.

"Oh, he is real." She whispered quietly but I still managed to catch it.

"What do you mean by that, Alice?"

"Well Edward, if he wasn't real then I might have to tell the family that you have gone crazy and you know Emmett would be the first one to sign the papers to have you committed."

Yeah, Emmett would have no trouble signing those sort of papers, especially after the last six months. Emmett had tried in the beginning to get me out of my funk, but he was more than happy to see the back of me when I left L.A. to come to Seattle. It takes a lot to piss Emmett off even more so for family members but he had more than reached his limit with me. He wasn't supposed to know that taking me places and shoving women in my face was just going to get me more depressed. Shit, even Jacob had cancelled our play dates in the end, though he did come to the airport to say goodbye and to say that he hoped I was out of my mood by the time I got back.

"Okay, that is it everyone. It's in the can. Thank you and now it's party time."

Yes, it was party time but my party was going to be a hell of a lot different then the one the company was planning. I was going to go back to my hotel suite and have a quiet dinner and a lot of drinks with Alice.

"Hey Edward, you're coming tonight, right?" James asked me.

"Nah man, my sister is in town so we are going to do something together."

"Just bring your sister with you. Fuck, if she is hot I will gladly take her off your hands for the night."

_Fucking prick_, I thought. "That's okay James. She is also my publicist and agent so we have quite a bit of crap to go over." With that I turned and left.

I really would have to be committed if I let James anywhere near Alice and it had nothing to do with the fact that she is my sister. That guy is a complete fucking scumbag when it comes to women or anyone one that he feels is inferior to him. Lucky for me I had a little more pull in this industry so he tended to be nice to me but I knew the real person behind the mask and there was no fucking way in hell that I would ever help him.

Several hours later, Alice and I had made it back to my suite half drunk, with a full bottle of tequila under my arm to finish the job off. Neither of us could remember the last time we had gotten this pissed together. We were loving it now but that was going to be doubtful tomorrow. Alice pulled the limes and stolen salt shaker and shot glasses out of her purse, grabbed the bottle off me and cracked the lid to pour us another shot.

"How are we going to do the limes, Ali?"

She smiled, then took a pocket knife out of her bag. "This is how."

"Got to love a prepared pixie." I laughed.

Alice growled at me for the pixie comment, then joined in my laughter.

After a couple more drinks, I knew now was the perfect time to quiz Alice on why she was really here. "So Ali-cat why are you really here?" I hoped that if I used her favourite nickname it would soften her up even more when combined with the alcohol.

"To see you, Bro."

"Cut the bullshit Alice. I know that there is more to it than that." I couldn't help but get frustrated with her procrastination.

"Fine..... I went looking for Jasper. I wanted to find out where he was ..... I was curious." She sighed and hung her head.

"What the fuck, Alice! Why? Why couldn't you just leave it the fuck alone?"

"I did it for you, shithead. I have never seen you so depressed. I was hoping to bring a smile back to your face that wasn't forced. I did it because I love you."

_FUCK! Could I be anymore of an asshole? She did it for me even though I am not sure I want to know where he is._ "I love you too, Alice. But please stay out of it."

"But.... He is...."

"I don't want to know. Please Ali just leave it."

"Why Edward? What if I was to tell you that he is a lot closer than you think. What would you say if I told you he was here in Seattle and had been for about five months?"

"He's here?" I whispered. He has been this close to me for the whole time I had been in town. _Fuck! What do I do now? Should I go and see him?_

"And he is damn fine Bro. You have extremely good taste. It was a very sad moment when I saw him in person knowing that he was gay. But I am glad he's got you."

"He doesn't have me Alice. I made sure of that..... unfortunately." I muttered the last word.

"Can't you change that?" She questioned.

'How Alice? I told him that he could only have that one day with me. I made sure he knew not to come looking for me. I never thought that one day wouldn't be enough, that I would want all of him, all the time. I never knew it could be like this. Just the thought of him gets me up in the morning, even if I have been living a shell of an existence since he left."

"How do you know he doesn't feel the same way? How can you know whether or not he would take you back? You have to try, Edward, please for me. I hate seeing you like this. I want my brother back."

A bewildered look covered my face. _Could I dare to dream? But what if he didn't want me? He is so fucking gorgeous, he has probably found someone else by now._

"Hang on a fucking second Alice. What do you mean when you saw him in person? When and where? And how the fuck did you find him in the first place?"

"I found him with a little help from the Internet and I may have paid a private investigator."

I was too stunned to say anything but managed to gesture for her to continue.

"I went to his work place yesterday on the way here from the airport. I know quite a bit about him and some of it is very sad. Like I said before Edward, you have very good taste. He is gorgeous."

"Yeah he is Alice and not just on the outside. Where does he work?......No don't tell me... okay do.. no don't... Ahhhh FUCK! Tell me before I change my mind." _Could I be anymore fucking indecisive?_

"He works in a place called the Coffee Hut about ten blocks west of here. He is so close, it is almost like it is fated that you two reconnect here in Seattle." Alice sighed as if this chance was a gift of the gods.

"I am still not sure about that Ali, but I will think about it."

I battled with myself during the rest of the night. So badly did I want to see him again, to be able to hold him in my arms just one more time, but would he want that? Would he want me? Did our time together mean anything to him like it did to me?

Finally giving up with my internal battle, I went to bed. My sleep was restless and full of Jasper. His eyes, his smile, and the way he smelt invaded my dreams causing me to toss and turn all night long. I had to see him, to suck it up and go to the Coffee Hut. If he didn't want to see me again then I would have no regrets, would I? But what if I bottle it up? What if I see him and I can't speak or move towards him? I can't think like that. I just have to make to the Coffee Hut. Surely once I am there everything will fall into place.

_Get the man with the jackhammer out of my head, _was my first painful thought on waking. _Damn Alice and her fucking tequila_. _Why do I keep letting myself get talked into these things? I hope that she is suffering as much as I am._

"Edward make it stop." Alice groaned as she walked into my room.

We both winced at the sound. "Ali, I am blaming you for this."

She curled up against my chest and whispered. "I have ordered lots of coffee. I asked for it to be delivered in I.V bags but they said it wasn't possible."

I laughed but it soon became another groan as it vibrated through my skull.

"Fuck Ali, how much did we drink?"

"There is an empty bottle on the table in the lounge room, so I would have to say shit loads."

The coffee arrived but not quickly enough for both of us. We drank the elixir like it was needed more than air. After we started on the second jug of coffee, I started remembering some of the things we had talked about while drinking. We had laughed and joked about things from our childhood. Our antics had been legendary especially with Emmett leading the way. And then I remembered that we had talked about Jasper. I gasped. _Was what Alice said true? Was Jasper here __in Seattle? Did he really work that close to this hotel? _

"What's wrong Edward?"

"Is it true?" I asked, hopeful yet scared at the same time.

"Is what true?"

And by the look on her face I knew that she was going to make me say it. Alice was not going to give in easy for me this time.

With my head in my hands, I quietly asked. "Is Jasper really in town?"

Alice giggled softly, "I was wondering how long it was going to take you to remember."

"Are you going to answer me?" I growled softly, still not a hundred percent sure if my head could handle loud noise.

"Geez Edward, yes I am going to answer you."

I couldn't help but glare at her. She was enjoying my torment way too much.

"Wow, impatient much? Yes Edward, everything I told you last night is true. Jasper is in Seattle and working close to here. So, are you going to go and see him?"

Sitting back into the couch, I rested my head back against the cushion. I sighed, "Yes....no....oh fuck Alice... I don't know. I want to so so much, but what if he has found someone else? I mean, you saw him. He is fucking gorgeous. Why would he want me? Even if he did, I gave him the impression that it was a one off thing so he definitely wouldn't be waiting around for me."

"Edward," she sighed. "Just go and see him. You'll never know if you just sit here moaning like a fucking baby."

_Shit! Even Alice is getting sick of my crap_. _I really need to step up here and stop being a pussy when it comes to Jasper._

"Fine_, _I will go and see him." _I could do that at least. Right?_

__Alice started bouncing excitedly on the couch and clapped her hands. Her excitement was catching. She had given me hope and it welled inside my chest.

After talking to Alice for a bit longer, I went and had a shower. The hot water felt wonderful against the back of my neck. I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to one of the many showers I had with Jasper. My cock started to harden as I remembered him pushing my chest up against the shower wall as he rubbed his throbbing cock between my ass cheeks brushing my hole. Every time his cock touched my puckered hole, I couldn't stop thrusting my hips back against him. I groaned and wrapped my hand around my aching cock moving my hand in time with the memory of my hips pushing back to feel his hot, hard dick. Moving my hand in long firm strokes, I ran my thumb over the head spreading the pre-cum and making me shudder with delight. _Fuck it felt so good_. My pace increased as I remembered the feeling of Jasper's finger entering my tight hole slowly moving his finger causing me to move my hips in time with his strokes. Moving my other hand down to tug gently on my balls, I moaned loudly not caring who heard me. The memories were flooding my head; him entering me slowly; his thrusts long and deep, hitting places deep inside of me that had never been touched before. Taking the hand off my sac, I ran a finger back to tease my hole. _Shit, I needed more__!_ Carefully I inserted a finger inside my ass. The sensation of my hand on my hard cock, my finger in my ass and the memories of Jasper fucking me hard against the shower wall all coming together set me off on a climax to rival nearly every one I had ever had.

After I cleaned myself up, got out of the shower and dressed, I found that I was not as confident as I had been earlier.

Alice was still sitting in the same spot as before. She started to smile until she saw the look on my face. "Please don't tell me you have changed your mind again, Edward."

"No, I am still going to go and see him, I'm just feeling a little ......." I trailed off not quite knowing what word to use.

"It will be okay, just go and talk to him, Edward. You don't have to make any decisions today."

I nodded, grabbed my wallet and phone and left the room before I changed my mind. As I walked west towards the Coffee Hut, I let Alice's last words echo through my head. Nothing had to be decided today and I was okay with that. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the Coffee Hut. It suddenly became very hard to breathe. My palms became sweaty and I felt my whole body begin to shake. The door into the shop seemed to grow almost to the point of it wanting to swallow me whole. _I can do this, _I kept chanting as I slowly made my way through the shop door.

The buzz that I felt last time I was around Jasper hit me almost instantly. He still looked so fucking beautiful but my angel looked like he had lost some weight. His hair was a little longer coming down to just past his ears but that just seemed to make him more gorgeous. My eyes were locked on his face. I watched as he smiled at the female behind the counter with him. Seeing him brought back amazing memories and with them, the fear of what I felt for him all meant. I had to get out of here right now. One last look and my eyes locked with his for one second before I turned and left.

My heart raced as I hurried out of the shop and scurried back towards the hotel. Emotions ran through me and I felt like I was on the scariest roller coaster in the world. Happiness, hope, dread, anxiety, apprehension and a shitload of fear flooded my body. Dying right now had to feel better than this. My body ached in ways I had never known to be possible. Is it possible to feel all this at once and live to talk about it? I wondered if he recognized me. Did I want him to after my pathetic exit from the coffee shop? I must have looked like a fucking freak hightailing it out of the shop like that. The closer I got to the hotel the quicker I moved. The need to run and hide was overpowering.

Once I got to the suite I ran to my room, slammed the door closed and threw myself on the bed. _Fuck, how immature am I being running to my room like a little girl who has been embarrassed in front of the boy she likes. I really hope Alice isn't here at the moment. _

About twenty minutes later, I heard the door open signaling what could only be Alice's return to the suite. What I wasn't expecting was her coming straight to my room. "Edward, what went wrong?"

Groaning into my pillow, I answered, "What do you mean Alice?"

Alice entered my room and came and sat on my bed. "Don't be mad at me, but I followed you. I wanted to be sure that you would go through with it. I saw you go in and less than a minute later you came racing out. Talk to me Edward, tell me what happened."

"I am pathetic Alice, that is what went wrong. I saw him... and he is still so beautiful." I whispered the last bit mainly to myself. "I freaked Alice. I saw him and I freaked. How fucking pathetic is that?"

"Why did you freak?"

"Why? Because he is an angel and I am just a lowly person compared to him. He is everything I am not."

"Edward, I have never seen you like this before. You are usually so confident and sure of yourself. What did he do to you?" Alice ran her hand lightly down the side of my face.

"I have told you before Ali, he didn't do anything to me."

"I don't mean physically Edward, but he has done something to you to make you so unsure of yourself."

"He made me dream. He made me want a future Alice, a real future. A future of love with a partner, home and children. A future I can't have with the type of person I want to. Everyone is going to expect me to marry a woman, Alice. I made me think about being married to him, and having it all with him. No one will want to give me a job if I am an openly gay man."

"You don't know that, Edward. There are more and more people in the industry coming out of the closet."

"And how many of them are still getting leading parts? Can you answer me that, Alice?"

She sighed, "Then why stay in the job? Why not follow your heart, see where it takes you. There are other things you can do with your life. I will leave you to think about that."

Twenty four hours later I found myself again in front of the Coffee Hut, this time Alice was beside me. She wasn't coming in, she was just moral support for the walk that could make or break me. One deep breath and a tiny smile to Alice, and I walked through the door. One quick scan of the shop told me that he wasn't there. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I was looking over at the board when I heard Jasper's name being called. Looking up, I made contact with his beautiful blue eyes. I was shocked to see him as I had already gotten it into my mind that he wouldn't be here today. Not knowing what else to do, I turned and ran again. _Fuck! Why do I keep doing this?_

Outside the shop, Alice was waiting for me. She saw the panic on my face and just shook her head. "What happened this time?"

"I don't know... It just didn't feel like now, while he was working, was the right time."

"Oh for fucks sake Edward, grow a pair will you. You need to do this Edward, stop running away. I want you to stay here until he finishes his shift and talk to him. If you don't, then I can't be here for you anymore."

"Fine." I mumbled, feeling like a small child being berated by his mother.

I don't know how long I stood there, but before I knew it I heard his wonderful laugh. "Jasper?" My tone questioning.

He gasped as he looked at me. His blue eyes were staring right through me making me feel a little uncomfortable. To my complete and utter disbelief, I watched him turn to leave.

"J...Please don't..." I had come this far, I couldn't let him go without at least talking to me.

"Don't what? Leave? Isn't that what you want? You certainly gave the impression that you didn't want to be near me earlier." He sounded slightly angry but then I guess he had every right to be

"I'm sorry." I said barely above a whisper. My voice was tinged with sadness and my eyes stared at the ground. "Can we talk?"

"Why? I got the message E. You don't want us to acknowledge the fact that we once knew each other, even if it was only in the physical sense." The anger was now more evident in his tone.

"You're wrong." I lifted my head to stare right into his eyes. "I was just shocked to see you."

"That is fucking bullshit. You knew I worked there because you were in the shop yesterday."

"Fuck! This is not how I wanted this to go." I stated with much sadness.

"How did you expect it to go? Were you expecting me to come running into your arms? Sorry can't do that, especially after your exit earlier."

"Please Jasper, I really want, no need, to talk to you. I haven't been ....."

I never got to finish my sentence as the woman Jasper worked with had chosen this moment to make her entrance. I watched her look at me then at him and back again.

"You okay honey?" She asked.

I watched Jasper nod at her before he looked back at me.

"Jasper, did you still want to go get a drink or have you changed your mind."

I looked at him now with a small amount of hope in my eyes. I smiled and waited for him to decide....

"Can we talk a rain check, Maria. I need to talk to ....." Jasper pointed to me.

_Fuck! He couldn't even say my name. Oh fuck I never told him my full name, no wonder he didn't know what to call me._

"Okay Jasper, I will see you next shift." And with that I watched the woman named Maria walk away.

"Jasper?" I was unsure of what to do next.

"I will talk to you **E**, but not here, not in front of the place where I work. There is a park down the road." I couldn't help but cringe at how he emphasized the E, the only thing he knew me as. He turned and led the way.

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**Please review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed or put me on their alerts.**

Huge hug and thank you to my wonderful pre-reader OCDJen and my magic wand carrying beta dtav.

I don't normally do the long winded AN at the beginning but I have something very important to say. OCDJen was flamed the other day and I am not impressed. So to the person who flamed her... You are reading a fandom where the characters come from a story where vampires exist and sparkle in the sun, so what, you can't think that a gay mobster can exist? These stories are fantasies, we come here because we can make the unusual become reality at least while the story lasts. So I suggest you go back to your cubbyhouse and play with your bunnies and carebears.

To the rest of the readers, I am sorry I had to say all this but it needed to be said. OCDJen is an excellent E & J slash writer and it would be a great loss to us all if she left us.

Now on with my story.

Chapter Seven

Jasper's POV

A storm of emotions was flowing through me as I walked away from him. At this precise moment I wasn't sure if I cared whether or not he was following me. Yes I was giddy with happiness that he had stayed around to talk to me, that he wanted to spend time with me again. But I was angry at him for running out of the shop, frustrated that after all this time he still had the ability to be involved in my every thought. It was almost like he could control my life whether he was right in front of me or thousands of miles away.

As I arrived at the park, I walk to a picnic table that was situated under a large oak tree. Sitting at the picnic table, I kept my eyes to the ground while waiting for him to join me. He stopped a few feet in front of me and I could see his feet in the outer line of my eyesight. Not saying anything, I waited for him to make the first effort in conversation as it seemed like he had a lot to say before.

The silence between us was deafening. I was unsure of how long we had been in the park.

I couldn't handle the silence any longer. If he wasn't going to talk then I was out of here. "Either say something or I'm gone." I knew it was harsh but I wanted the rejection over already.

"Don't go." He whispered in a small voice.

"Well **E**, I have things to do, so I would rather not stand around all day."

"Please stop calling me E..."

"That is the only thing I know you as, **E**." I let my anger show.

"Edward. My name is Edward. I have missed you, Jasper." His voice was only slightly stronger.

I let out a sarcastic laugh. Never had I heard anything so fucking far from the truth. Yeah, he missed me so much that he ran from the fucking shop two days in a row. _Shit! He came to the shop two days in a row! Maybe, just maybe, he did miss me in some strange way. No don't think like that, Jasper. You can't give into him just because of his gorgeous looks and beautiful sounding voice. Be strong man. Don't be sucked in again._

"What do you want Edward?" Saying his name for the first time felt wonderful against my lips. It was old fashioned but it suited him, as it was unique these days just like he was.

"You." His voice was soft but strong and a lot closer to me than I had realised.

_Fuck! _That was the last thing I would have expected to come out of his mouth. I finally raised my head and looked him straight in the eyes. His beautiful green orbs stared at me with an intensity that I hadn't seen since THAT night. He really believed that he wanted me. My heart skipped a beat and then went into overdrive.

"Excuse me?" I asked. My mind and body wanted to believe him, but the rational part of me told me to be cautious.

"You heard me Jasper, so please don't play dumb. I know my behaviour over the last two days hasn't shown much credence, but what I said, I meant." Edward sounded almost confident.

"It is fine to say the words Edward, but the actions don't match them and your actions speak a lot louder than your words at the moment." I refused to give in, even if my body was screaming for me to do so.

Edward stepped closer to me and rested one hand on my knee and placed the other one under my chin. Leaning forward he whispered, "Then believe this." His lips found mine. The sweet, soft texture of his lips against mine was bittersweet and I couldn't help but moan. As my lips parted to release the sound, his tongue slipped lightly into my mouth. There was nothing left for me to do but return his tongue play. _Fuck, feeling his tongue against mine was so much better than I could have ever remembered. _I wanted this feeling to continue forever but it wasn't getting us anywhere. My hands wrapped themselves in his hair pulling him in to deepen the kiss. _I have got to stop this now __before it goes any further. _Tugging on his hair, I pulled him away from me. He groaned as our lips broke apart.

"Why did you stop?" He asked while trying to pull me closer again.

"Because this is not a good idea, Edward." I replied, still trying to catch my breath.

"It is a fucking perfect idea, beautiful." His smile was lighting up his perfect face.

I shook my head, removed his hands from my body and crawled off the table. My body ached as I moved away from him, but I couldn't think clearly with him so close. A clear head was needed to get me through this. Even though he had just kissed me, rejection was still my greatest fear. I looked back at Edward and saw that he was now sitting on the bench looking slightly disheartened. I almost caved, but we had to talk and I wasn't going to give in.

"Why are you here?" Stupid question but I needed to know.

"You, Jasper. You are why I am here."

I rolled my eyes. "Why are you here in Seattle?" Maybe this time he would answer the question.

He sighed before replying. "I have been here for the last three months with work."

"Oh." I wasn't quite sure how to take that piece of information. So he wasn't here for me, he had stumbled across me by accident. _See Jasper, you were right in thinking this was too good to be true. _

"How did you find me?" My tone was a little flat from hearing his last comment.

"I didn't."

Severely confused, I stared at him. _Wow! This conversation certainly wasn't going the way I expected it to, and hell, I was expecting rejection._

"Okay." Not sure if there was anything left to say, I said, "Well it was good to see you again, Edward. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in Seattle." With that I turned and jogged out of the park towards home.

Rosalie greeted me at the door. "So, did you decide that going straight wasn't for you?." She said through bubbling laughter. Rose always did have a way of bringing a smile to my face even when she didn't know anything was wrong.

"Ha ha, Rosie pie." It was a nickname that our grandfather had given her when she was younger and she had always hated it.

"Grrrrr...You know how I feel about that name." Rose tried to sound tough but the giggles were still in her voice. "So why are you back so early? I thought you and Maria would be painting the town red."

"Ummm...Just a change of plans." I hoped she wouldn't push it any further.

"Come sit with me Jazzy. It has been a while since we have had a deep and meaningful conversation ."

I went to the kitchen to get us some beers before joining her on the couch. Rose and I used to have hours of long deep discussions about everything, but lately with with my odd shifts at the coffee shop and Rose's charity work at the hospital, those chats had fallen away. Our chats were something I loved, but for some reason I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be enjoying this one as much.

"What did you want to talk about Rose?" I wanted to know where this was going.

"We haven't had the chance to talk much lately and I wanted to know how you were and if you had met anyone yet."

"I am good, Sis. The writing and working at the coffee shop have been keeping me busy, which you know is how I like to be."

"You didn't answer the question I really wanted you to answer, Jazz."

"Rose, you know I haven't met anyone." Why was she asking me such a fucking stupid question when she clearly knew the answer?

"Oh really." She smirked like she knew something I didn't.

"What's going on Rose?"

"Well I happened to be walking home today and I stopped in the local park. I saw you go and sit at a table with a gorgeous guy following you. There seemed to be no interaction between you to start off with, but that kiss was something to behold baby brother. I had to leave after about two minutes as I remembered that I was actually watching my brother in a hot kiss with another guy. Not used to it yet Jazz, but it didn't freak me out to much."

_Oh Shit! How the fuck was I going to explain this one? Edward was one of those things you wanted to share with the world and keep it all to yourself at the same time. He had been mine and mine alone until Rose saw us and now she is going to want answers. What the hell was I going to tell her?_

"Oh." What was she expecting me to say.

"For fuck sake Jasper, tell me all the details. Who is he? Where did you meet him? When are you seeing him again? After what I saw of that kiss, you have to be seeing him again."

"Ummm... I'm won't be seeing him again." _Fuck, I wish she would stop pushing this.  
_

"Oh, so you just go around kissing random gorgeous men for no reason?"

"No Rose, you know me better than that." _I might as well tell her something close to the truth or she will never let it go. _"I met Edward at the airport coming home from Australia. We talked and had a lot in common. We just spent some time together before I went back to Texas." _I refused to say home. Texas hadn't been home for a long time even before I went on holidays, not with the parents Rose and I had._

"Spent some time together? Can you please elaborate on that, Jazz? Because just spending time with someone doesn't usually equal a reunion that has a tongue battle quite like yours."

"Tongue battle? Really Rose? It doesn't matter Sis as it ain't going anywhere. I think I might go and lay down. Today has been exhausting." I kissed her cheek and left for my room.

My bedroom was my sanctuary, but today it felt like the walls were closing in on me with everything that was going through my mind. But the thought of going outside and possibly running into Edward again had me staying in my room. To see him in front of me, and to feel his hands on me and his lips against mine, was pleasure and pain all mixed into one. The feeling I got with his touch alone was enough to remind me that it was all real, that my mind had not played tricks on me. I had not had any sort of release since my time with him as I didn't want to tarnish the memory by me self pleasuring in the shower. Putting my hands over my face, I wanted to scream out my frustrations but that would only cause Rosalie to ask more questions.

I must have dozed off, for the next thing I knew Rose was knocking on my bedroom door. "What?" I grunted out as the bliss of sleep was the only thing that stopped me from over thinking.

My sister popped her head in. "Your 'never going to see him again' is at the door."

"Yeah, good one Rose." The sarcasm could not be missed.

"She was telling the truth." It was the voice that could bring me to my knees.

_Fuck, he really was here. How did he find me? _I bolted upright on my bed and faced them both standing in the doorway.

"Hey." _Fucking good one Jasper, you sound like a fucking idiot._

"Ummm... Rose do you mind giving us a minute?" I heard Edward ask.

_What the fuck! He was talking to her like they knew each other. How long had they been talking to each other while I had been in here sleeping? How did he find me? He couldn't have followed me or he would have been here sooner. And why the fuck was he here?_

Unsure of how long I had been inside my head, I looked up to see that Rose had left and I was alone with Edward behind a closed door.

"What do you want Edward?" _Fuck, I was beginning to sound like a broken record._ "I mean, what are you doing here in my room?"

"You never let me finish what I wanted to say when we were in the park." He sounded upset by this but I couldn't understand why.

"There was nothing left to say. You came into the coffee shop, saw me and left. You did the same thing again today, only this time you decided to stay around." Yes, I knew I was being childish and petty, but I was protecting myself.

"There is a lot more to say, Jasper. I meant it when I said I missed you. I never thought that I could miss someone as much as I've missed you. There are days when you are all I can think about."

I doubt there was anything more that could have shocked me this much at the moment. He was saying everything that I could have hoped for, but for some reason it just made it harder to believe. _Why would a god like Edward want a nobody like me?_

  
"That's nice. I have missed you too, Edward, but it doesn't mean anything. You said in L.A. that it was a one off thing so why are you here?"

"I was wrong. I never thought that being with you would capture my mind the way it has. I can't stop thinking about you or the night we had. I want that again."

My heart dropped to the floor. He didn't want me, he wanted another night of sex. I was torn. Yes I would give anything to have just one more night with him, but I couldn't do it to myself again. It hurt me to think that I would never have sex with Edward again, but I had to protect myself from any future heartache.

"I see. I'm sorry, Edward. If you have come here for sex then you are going to be disappointed. I don't do one night stands. I have already broken that rule once with you and I won't do it again. I need to have more respect for myself."

Anger flashed in his eyes. "What the fuck, Jasper? I know that you don't know me very well, but from what you do know, do you honestly think that I am that fucking shallow? I will admit that I miss the feeling of you inside me and me being inside your warmth, but what I miss most is the completeness I get from touching you and holding you in my arms."

Saying I was shocked wouldn't even be close to describing what I was feeling right at that moment. He wanted me and for more than just sex. I felt a warmth spread through me, and I wanted to giggle like a school girl.

"I've missed it too, and I am sorry for the way I have acted today. I guess I went into self preservation mode. I have trouble letting people close, especially men, which is weird as I am gay."

"And my actions over the last two days wouldn't have help." He said softly.

I shook my head, "As much as I want to let you in, I can't stop myself from holding myself back."

"Jasper, for now I am just happy to be here with you. Look, I don't want to pressure you into anything you aren't comfortable with."

And I believed him. Grabbing his hand, I led him to the bed and pulled him down to sit beside me.

"I need to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me, Edward." He nodded his head so I continued. "Have... you..." Fuck, I was so embarrassed. I was never going to be able to get the question out now, no matter how much I did and didn't want to know the answer. "Forget it. It doesn't matter."

"Jasper it must be important to you for you to want to ask me, so just ask me." Edward looked straight into my eyes as he said this.

I nodded, sighed and then continued the question. "Have you been .A.?" Gee, could I be any more childish?

He chuckled softly. "I gather what you were trying to ask me was have I been with anyone since we were together in L.A."

Again I nodded, my gaze fixed on the carpet beneath my feet.

"No I haven't...partly because of my job, but mostly because I didn't want anyone to touch me. I wanted to keep the memories of us unblemished. I would prefer my memories of our time together than be with someone to just get off. No one has come anywhere close enough to mean to me what you have. Look at me, please Jasper." He sounded so sincere that I couldn't help but look at him. "You Jasper, you are all I think about."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down on the bed placing my head against his chest. It felt so good, so right to be in his arms again. I sighed and nestled closer into his side. I hoped he didn't have to go anywhere soon as now that I had him on my bed, he wasn't going to be leaving it anytime soon. Not that I was in a hurry to fuck, but if he was going to be around for a while then I hoped we would get there eventually.

Being in Edward's arms made me whole. That warm tingly feeling I had in L.A. was back again and it engulfed me whole. I felt so content and happy that eventually my eyes started to droop and I tried to contain a yawn. Edward laughed softly and wrapped me tighter in his arms.

"Am I boring you, beautiful?" He said with laughter in his voice.

"Hell no babe, just haven't felt this much contentment in such a long time. I haven't been sleeping well the last six months, and being here with you like this I actually feel like I could sleep peacefully for the first time in a long time."

"I know what you mean. How about we take a nap since neither of us have to be anywhere any time soon? We can talk all we want later. Oh shit! I didn't even think about it. Do you have to work tomorrow?"

"No, I have the next few days off so I agree with you about taking a nap. Are you sure you don't have anywhere you need to be? You don't have to rush off to your next job?"

"I don't have to go anywhere any time soon. My sister will contact me if I am needed. Although I threatened her with violence if she contacted me for something other than serious injury or death."

We settled down together on the bed. It was strange how perfectly we fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle destined to be together forever. Our breathing became synchronised and I felt his body heat cover me like a personal blanket. I felt myself drift off.

Several hours later, I woke to the feeling of soft kisses being placed along my neck. I couldn't help but sigh at the wonderful sensation flowing through me. Edward's lips continued their attack on my neck gently biting and sucking on my skin, before placing soft, loving kisses on the spot he had just bitten. Tilting my head to the side to give him better access, my breaths came out in soft whimpers and pants. His soft, talented lips began to kiss across my jaw working their way to my lips as his hands began to trace patterns on my stomach. Our lips met, and I was filled with such completeness that could only come from him.

His fingers popped the buttons on my jeans and he slid down the waistband lightly ghosting his fingers over my rock hard length. My hips bucked wanting, needing, to seek more of his touch as I moaned into kiss. I pulled back from his kiss.

"Please tell me this is real... if it ain't I don't ever want to wake up." I whispered, while pressing the rest of myself closer to him.

"Open your eyes baby." He said gently.

I shook my head. "You will disappear."

He chuckled softly, then he pinched me. "Ouch! What the fuck Edward?" I glared at him.

"It got you to look at me, didn't it? Jasper, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere any time soon. Now bring those delicious lips back here. I haven't nearly tasted enough."

I eagerly reattached my lips to his grabbing the back of his head, and pulling him even closer to me. Our bodies were connected from our lips all the way down to our entangled legs. My hand ran lazily down his back, and as I reached the bottom of his shirt I slipped my hand down his pants. His pants were loose enough for me to grab a hold of his firm ass. I felt him moan against my mouth, and his tongue became more frantic. It was almost like he wanted to swallow me whole. _Fuck, I really hoped he would. _I know I told him I wanted to go slow but, feeling his mouth on mine, his body tightly against mine and my hand grabbing his ass, all I could think about was having him out of his clothes and writhing beneath me as I slowly thrust into his warmth.

Edward rolled us over so he was on top of me. His hard cock rubbed against mine, and we both groaned. The friction was indescribable. I needed more so I grabbed his hips with both hands and thrusted my cock into his. If only our clothing wasn't between us. I wrapped my legs around his waist and flipped him over so that I was on top. I sat up so I was straddling the top of his thighs and I ran my hands down his chest to the button on his pants. I released the button and started to undo his zipper. He groaned, but it didn't seem to be like it was a good groan.

Edward was breathing hard, but his hand came up and stopped me. "Babe... Jasper... you have to stop... Fuck.. I don't want.. you to...but we have to."

I shook my head and tried again to undo his pants. "I don't want to stop, Edward. I want your large cock in my mouth."

"Fuck Jasper. You are making this too hard."

"I hope I am making it hard, beautiful." I smirked.

He groaned, grabbed both my hands, and pulled me down so I was laying against his chest. It was then that he let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around me tightly. "I have just found you again Jasper,and I don't want to rush everything this time. I want this to work out."

"I get what you are trying to say Edward. We don't have to have sex but can't we at least fool around a little? I really do want your cock in my mouth. I have missed it."

He seemed to be torn with what to do. It was interesting to watch the different emotions cross his face. I had to do something to get him into my way of thinking. I did want to take it slow, but after having had no sort of release in about six months my body was just about fucking begging for it. I rested my head against his shoulder, brushed my lips long his throat, and then ran my tongue across his adam's apple before sucking it lightly into my mouth. His skin tasted better than I had remembered. It was pure Edward with a slightly salty under taste. He groaned and moved his head so I had better access.

"Babe," he moaned. "Either stop now or you will be in trouble."

"Oh I like trouble, especially this kind. I know why you are doing this Edward, and I am grateful. I'm not ready to go all the way yet, but who says we can't fool around a little?"

I must have said what he wanted to hear because he sat up, grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt and pulled it roughly off me. His mouth attacked mine with an intensity that was such a fucking turn on. I grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands and ripped his shirt apart and buttons flew around the room. I didn't care, I could afford to buy him another one. Fuck, I would buy him a whole wardrobe full if that is what he wanted. Edward swore quietly as I raked my nails down his chest leaving red marks against his skin. He seemed to enjoy it as his attack on my mouth became even more heated, something I never thought was possible until now.

His mouth broke away from mine as we both desperately dragged air into our lungs. I pushed Edward back onto the bed, and starting at his neck I placed lingering kisses down his beautiful muscle defined chest. My tongue lazily ran circles around his navel before enjoying the journey down his V before hitting the top of his pants. I could feel his cock pulsating against my shoulder.

"Fuck, you're killing me angel." Edward panted heavily.

Damn, he called me angel when that word suited him so much better.

"Kiss me, angel." He asked me breathlessly.

I worked my way back up his body, taking my time to lavish attention to his nipples nibbling on them until they beaded into tight nubs. As I reached his neck, I couldn't help but suck on the juncture where his neck and shoulder met eliciting the most erotic sound from Edward. A smile crossed my face. It was me that caused him to make that sound. A bubble of joy rose inside of me.

Not liking me for taking my time, Edward wrapped my face in his hands and brought my face to his. The passion I felt in this kiss made me burn all over. I wanted to take my time, but I also wanted to rush ahead and feel his throbbing cock in my mouth.

"Fuck, I love your mouth." He whispered against my mouth, his hot breath coming out erratically.

"You will love it even more in a few minutes." I smiled. _Fuck, where did this confidence come from? Not that I am complaining, and Edward seems to enjoy it especially after my acting like a girl earlier._

My lips retraced their previous path. I wanted to get there before he changed his mind again. I finished undoing his zipper, ran my nose along his throbbing cloth covered cock, and breathed in his pure essence. His cock twitched as I kissed it's head, and I watched it strain to be released. My hands grabbed his jeans and boxers and roughly pulled them down. I was so eager to get to the prize that I hadn't realised that Edward was trying to help me. My impatience caused his legs to get caught up in his clothing. He laughed at my recklessness. His cock bounced against his his stomach as he chuckled leaving a web of stringy pre-cum from his dick to his navel.

"Jasper, there is no rush. I'm not going anywhere." The laughter was still evident in his voice.

I scowled at him before returning my attention to his magnificent dick. _Fuck! Has he always been this fucking big? _My mouth watered at the thought that very soon I was going to be able to taste that beautiful piece of meat. I groaned lowering my head and running my tongue down his long length before taking the head of his cock into my mouth. Running my tongue around the head, I tasted his pearly liquid and it was divine. I took more of him into my mouth feeling his cock hit the back of my throat.

The noise coming out of Edward's mouth should be made illegal. His groans were causing my cock to twitch, lengthen and strain painfully against the zipper of my pants. Working my mouth up and down his cock until I felt him deep in my throat with every stroke, I swallowed around the head of his thick cock. His moans become more carnal and he thrusted his hips causing his dick to go further down my throat.

'Fuck... angel...feels so...fucking go...good." It sounded like he was close.

I released his cock. "Cum for me, babe."

Taking his cock back into my warm mouth, I worked up a rhythm that had him very explicitly telling me how close he was. I couldn't wait to taste his nectar, to feel it shoot down my throat in thick creamy jets.

"Shit, Jasper... don't fucking...stop." He grunted.

Edward's hand grabbed the back of my head and he started thrusting his cock harder fucking my mouth. I couldn't help but groan not in pain, but in the knowledge that it was me that had Edward on such an sexual edge. His movement became erratic and I knew that he was getting close.

"Jasper ...fucking ... going to ..cum...Now." His thrust became hard and stilted as he came in my mouth.

I felt his nectar hit the back of my throat as I swallowed around him. I opened my eyes and watched his face in the throws of ecstasy. It was a such a beautiful, amazing thing to watch. His breathing halted as he filled my mouth with his juices. _Fuck, I wanted to see that look on his face everyday for the rest of my life. Shit, I was getting carried away again._

"Come here, beautiful." Edward panted, releasing his hands from my hair, and assisting me up his body.

Fuck, I was as hard as a rock but at that particular moment I couldn't have cared less about it. I rested my chin briefly on his chest before licking my way up his salty body. Edward wrapped his hands around my face and drew me down to his lips and kissed me gently, but with intense passion. I could have died right then and been an immensely happy man. His hand traveled down my side then slid to undo the zip on my pants.

"Lift up." Edward whispered against my lips.

I lifted my hips to assist Edward to remove my jeans. He pulled them down my legs using his feet when they got to low for his hands, then kicked them off to the side of the bed. Edward slipped his hands into my boxers and grabbed my ass, lifting me up.

"Come up here angel, I want you to fuck my mouth." Edward said huskily.

_FUCK!_ I could have cum right there hearing those words fall from Edward's lips. Sitting up, I managed to remove my boxers and straddle his chest. Edward arranged the pillows behind his head giving himself better access to my cock. I started to feel nervous and self conscious. I was going to look like an inexperienced fool for I wasn't going to be able to last long.

His hands once again grabbed my ass and lifted me up so my cock was in line with his mouth. I felt his tongue circling the head of my painfully hard cock. It felt so fucking good that I could already feel my balls tightening, ready for release. I wanted nothing more than to pull away from his mouth. I was going to embarrass myself. Edward must have sensed my hesitancy for he held onto my hips tighter and pulled me further into his mouth.

As his lips surrounded my cock sliding up and down my length, they encased my engorged flesh in a warmth that slowly spread through my body. His hands encouraged my hips to thrust harder against his mouth. My release was coming so close to the surface, I had to do what ever possible to at least hold out a little longer. But then, Edward swallowed around the head of my cock and I groaned. I was never going to last if he continued.

"Beautiful, I am not going to last if you keep doing that." I moaned.

Edward seemed to double his efforts after hearing my words. My hips had a life of their own and started to thrust pushing my cock further down his throat. He moaned around my hard length, the vibrations bringing me closer to my climax. Nothing was going to stop me from cumming now.

"FUCK!" I screamed quietly as I came in his mouth.

His tongue, mouth and throat were covered in my juices and by the sound Edward was making, he was loving it. He took it all before using his tongue to lovingly clean my cock. I lifted myself off Edward and flopped down on the bed, my face buried in my hands. _Shit, I honestly couldn't have lasted more than two minutes. How fucking pathetic am I? See what happens, Jasper, when you don't wank for six months. You embarrass yourself in front of the most gorgeous man on the planet. _

Apparently my self berating hadn't gone unnoticed as I felt Edward gently try and tug my hands away from my face.

"Jasper? Angel what's wrong? Was it me?"

To hear such insecurities coming from this amazing creature floored me. I removed my hands from my face, grabbed his face between my hands and kissed him with everything that I had. My lips, my tongue, my mouth all hungered for his taste. My hands, my arms, my body all desired touch him, hold him and never let him go.

Air. I needed to breathe but I didn't want to stop kissing him. Reluctantly, I released his mouth.

"Beautiful," I panted. "You did nothing wrong. I am just embarrassed and ashamed at how quickly I came. The mixture of you, your mouth and the fact that this was the first time I have cum in six months." _Fuck Jasper, just tell him how pathetic you are all in one go. He will never want you after hearing that. _Heat rose in my cheeks so I tucked my head unto his neck to hide my blush.

"Jasper, you have nothing to be ashamed about. I...I hadn't either until a few days ago. I knew if I was going to see you, I would need to do something. Otherwise, I would have jumped you in the coffee shop in front of everyone and I didn't want you to think that was all I wanted from you. Believe me when I say that as much as I want you, I want all of you more. Fuck, I am not explaining myself properly. When I say I want all of you, I mean mind, body and soul."

_WOW! He really did want all of me just as much as I wanted all of him._

Before any more could be said, there was a knock on the bedroom door.

"Hang on, Rose." I called out.

Edward and I quickly put on our jeans deciding to go commando. He gave me one more lingering kiss before I walked to the door and opened it to find Rose there with a huge grin on her face.

"You guys have been in there all afternoon and evening. I thought you could use some sustenance so I ordered pizzas and they just arrived." Rose said like it was something she said often.

"Thanks Sis. You are the greatest."

"And don't you forget it." She laughed and it was the most wonderful sound.

I had the best sister in the world. 


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Hi Everyone... sorry it has taken me so long to update... the computer had to go in to be fixed and then I got so engrossed in writing my O/S that these boys got jealous and wouldn't talk to me, but as you can see with some bribes the boys came back.

Thank you to OCDJen for pre-reading this for me and to dtav for her amazing wand waving skills because without both of you, who knows what the readers might get.

Enjoy everyone

Chapter Eight

Edward's POV

It was after midnight, and I found myself once again lying on Jasper's bed with us wrapped in each others arms. This had to be the most perfect way to end a day, holding the man I wanted more than anything securely to me as he slept. My mind was still trying to process everything that had happened today. I felt so emotionally exhausted, so shattered, that I should be out like a light but I couldn't switch my mind off. Jasper had every right to run from me today, and I had a feeling he was going to do it again soon when he figured out I was still hiding a few things.

_FLASHBACK_

_Slowly, I retraced_ my _steps back to the hotel knowing that Alice was going to be there waiting for me. Although I didn't think that she was going to be expecting me back so soon._

Arriving back at the hotel, I slipped my card into the lock and opened the door. Alice was there to greet me, and the scowl on her face was not what I was expecting.

"Why are you here, Edward?"

I frowned. Shit! Didn't anyone want me around today? _Jasper had already asked me that a few times. I felt lost, and I had hoped that at least Alice would be sympathetic._

"Well, this is my hotel room Alice." I replied flatly. Walking over to the couch, I flopped down and put my head in my hands.

"That's not what I mean. What happened Edward? I wasn't expecting you back so soon."

"He doesn't want me, Ali. He ran away."

"Okay, tell me what happened?"

_  
Alice sat down next to me while I told her in detail what happened. She sighed in the right places, and even squealed when I told her about the kiss in the park. By the time I had finished the story, Alice was sitting there with a huge smile on her face._

"Oh Edward, you have so much to learn."

I couldn't help but glare at her for that comment. "What the fuck Alice? I am not ..."

"Edward I didn't mean it like that, but tell me this, when have you ever been in a relationship? When have you ever wanted to get to know someone like you do Jasper? You are out of your league when it comes to things like this and I have to say that I find it kind of cute. Your first crush." She said the last bit _with a_ _giggle._

Shit, she was right. I had never felt like this about anyone. Fuck! I really was a twenty-five year old male with my first CRUSH as Alice liked to put it.

"So, what do I need to learn then Ali?" I mumbled through my embarrassment. Thank god Emmett wasn't here or he would be having a field day with this information.

"Well, I can tell you for one thing Jasper does want you." I looked at her with bewilderment. "Oh don't give me that look, I know what I am talking about. He is scared Edward, just like you are, although maybe not for all the same reasons. Have you thought that he might think that all you want from him is another twenty-four hours? I mean, think about it Edward, how would you feel if you were him?"

"I...I wouldn't... Shit Alice, you're right." I hadn't said anything to Jasper that would have made him think _anything else. Fuck, I had ruined my chance. "It doesn't matter anymore Alice, he doesn't want to see me again. It wouldn't be right for me to go back to his place of work, especially after today."_

"Yes he does, Bro. Trust me."

Getting up off the couch, I started pacing the floor. "So tell me Ali, how do I find him now?"

Alice reached into her handbag which sat on the coffee table. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to give you this, but it seems you need my help again." She smirk at my ineptness.

Looking at the piece of paper, I saw an address. "How the fuck did you get this?

_  
She tapped the side of her nose. "I have my ways."_

END FLASHBACK

I was brought out of my revelry by Jasper's sweet sounding sigh, and his body burrowing closer to mine. My angel was so stunning in his childlike state while sleeping. My eyes were trying to capture every detail of his face and how his hair caressed the side of his face even in sleep.

The shock on his face when he saw me in the doorway leading to his bedroom. The familiarity I had with his sister, though hard fought as it was, hadn't sat comfortably with him either.

One thing that still felt strange to me was how she told Jasper I was here. _"You're "never going to see him again is at the door."_ I couldn't help but wonder what he had said to Rose.

_FLASHBACK_

After talking some more to Alice, I went downstairs and hailed a taxi giving the driver the address I had already memorized. I was dropped off in front of a lovely looking building that couldn't have been cheap to rent. _Pressing_ _the buzzer,_ _a female voice came over the intercom._

"Yes."

"Umm, I'm here to see Jasper." Fuck I was nervous.

"And who are you?"

"My name is Edward. I was with Jasper in the park earlier."

"Oh really, you had better come up then."

The door buzzed, I let myself in and chose to take the stairs up to his floor. My nerves were getting more and more strung the closer I got to his apartment. As I arrived on his floor, I had to stop and breathe as I was very near to throwing up. Fuck, what if he rejects me again? What will I do then? I couldn't think like that or I would forever regret not doing this, I had to remind myself.

I was about to knock on the door when it opened to reveal a stunning looking young woman. Shit, who was she and what was her relationship to Jasper? The look on her face was something I couldn't decipher.  
__

"Hi... umm I'm Edward." I said quietly.

"I'm Rosalie, Jasper's sister." She had the same soft southern twang as him. "Please come in."

I followed her into the apartment and she gestured for me to take a seat.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Sure, water would be great. Thanks." The nerves were starting to really take hold.

Rosalie came back into the room with a bottle of water for each of us. She handed me my bottle while studying my face.

"There is nothing to be worried over Edward. I don't bite but I do have a few questions."

"Sure." I squeaked. Great Edward, what a way to make an impression on his sister.

"What happened today in the park? I saw the kiss then left as I didn't really want to be spying on my brother kissing another man. That was private and something I am not used to seeing yet."

"Umm... I think I gave your brother the wrong impression with some things I said today and I wanted to come here and explain myself and my actions." My words _came rushing out._

"Edward, calm down. I am not going to grill you, I just want some answers so that I can understand my brother better. His actions these last six months have been strange. When did you two first meet?"

"The first time I met Jasper was about six months ago in the Sydney airport. We talked while waiting for the flight to be called, then I went looking for him on the plane." I know she said she wasn't going to grill me, but this did feel a little bit like an interrogation.

"Why?" My look of confusion suggested she continue the question. "Why did you go looking for Jasper on the plane?"

I took my time answering. "I was drawn to him. Shit Rosalie, I know that sounds stupid but there is no other way to describe it."

_  
"First, call me Rose and second, that doesn't sound stupid at all. It does surprise me though. Jasper is a little uncomfortable around new people, especially men, so I find this intriguing. So what happened on the plane?"_

"We talked and kissed." I could feel the heat radiating off my face.

"So, the famous Edward Cullen likes my brother... Interesting." Rose's face lit up with a beautiful smile.

"So... so you know who I am?" Shit, what is going to happen now?

"How could I not know Edward? You are one of the hottest stars on the planet right now. You are in almost every magazine out."

"So Jasper knows _too?" I started to panic, I had to know if he had known all along who I was._

Rose could see the panic in my eyes. "No Edward, Jasper is clueless when it comes to things like this. The boy is all about his books, his history and his damn computer at the moment. He has never been one for movies, TV or idle Hollywood gossip. I gather, though, that you haven't told him your last name." I shook my head. "Because I know that Ange and I have talked about you and your movies in front of him, though he usually tunes us out when we start talking about this sort of stuff."

There was a few minutes of silence between us.

"I was surprised to see Jasper here in Seattle. The last time I saw him, he said he lived in Texas."

"Ahhh yes, Texas." Rose appeared to become cautious and a little angry. "I won't say much as it isn't my story to tell, but I will say that his coming out to the parents didn't go well. Not that we expected it to." She sighed sadly.

"Oh." Unsure of what to say now, I kept quiet.

"So, all the dates and women you have been linked to?" Rose asked, turning the conversation back to me.

"A few one off dates and no women." I replied, wanting to be as truthful to Rose as I could even if I couldn't with Jasper. YET!

_"And yet it has never even been insinuated that you are gay." Rose mused._

"Guess I am a better actor than I thought." I replied jokingly, trying to lift the mood of this conversation.

"So, how did you find out Jasper was here in Seattle?"

"My sister, Alice." I went on to tell Rose about Alice finding me in the hospital grounds sad and re-reading Jasper's letter. "She said that when I talked about Jasper, I was the happiest she had seen me in a long time. So she went behind my back and went looking for him. And though I am not happy that she invaded Jasper's privacy, I am elated that she did because I get to have him back in my life."

"Just don't fuck it up this time, Edward. Does your whole family know you're gay or just your sister?"

"Just Alice at the moment, but I don't think I want to hide it from my parents any more. I could do without telling my brother." I saw Rose scowl at that. "It isn't for the reason you think Rose. Emmett is just going to tease me endlessly about it, but I know he is going to support me one hundred percent. As for the public knowing, I can't do that, not yet at least. I am a private person for the most part and I love my job, but I am unsure of how the public will take the news and I don't know how it will affect my job."

"Edward, I can assure you that your secret is safe with me. I won't even tell Jasper for the time being."

"Thank you, Rose. One of the things I love about spending time with Jasper is that I can really be myself. He doesn't know, so I can let him know the real me without having to wonder if he really wants the real me or just the movie me. But I can promise you Rose, he is the one I want."

"So, before we go and wake up my baby brother, tell me all the Hollywood gossip."

And that is what we did for the next hour.

END FLASHBACK.

I drifted off to sleep thinking about all the things Jasper and I could do together over the course of the next few days.

I woke up the next morning well rested, warm and content. As I opened my eyes, I was granted with the most wonderful sight as Jasper's beautiful face lit up with the most breath taking smile.

"Hey gorgeous, it is about time you woke up." He said softly before he leaned down and kissed me gently.

'Morning." I replied with my sleep roughened voice.

My arm snaked its way around his waist bringing him closer to me again, while the other hand pulled his face back to mine. My mouth reacquainted itself with his soft full lips. His taste was like a drug that I could easily get addicted to. Our tongues were softly caressing each others. There was no haste, just a slow passion filled dance that I never wanted to end.

We were interrupted by someone banging on the bedroom door.

"What the HELL, Rose?" Jasper growled.

"I brought my brother some clothes, and if you don't want me to see anything I shouldn't, you had either better come out very soon or cover up."

_Oh fuck, Alice was here._ I noticed Jasper looking at me with a questioning look.

"You are about to meet my sister." I whispered to him.

"We will be out in a minute, Alice. Hold your fucking horses." I called back loudly.

Luckily, Jasper had lent me pants to sleep in. We slowly kissed once more before leaving the bed.

I opened the door to see an irritatingly perky Alice bouncing around, and Rose was behind her laughing quietly.

Alice turned to Rose. " Seriously Rose, it is a damn shame your brother is gay. He's hot."

Rose laughed loudly, then replied, "I could definitely say the same thing Alice. Awww, look at them blush."

Alice giggled. Jasper grunted quietly behind me while I just stood there in shock.

"How long have you been here, Alice?" Now I understood Jasper's shock yesterday over the familiarity between Rose and myself.

"Well, it is ten now and I arrived about half eight, so you do the maths."

I turned to Jasper. "Did you know she was here?"

He shook his head.

"Anyway." Alice continued. "I brought you some clothes so you didn't have to go back to the hotel in yesterdays' clothes. Or at all, as I brought you enough clothes to last you a few days."

"Thanks Alice." I mumbled still a little pissed at her eagerness to assume anything and everything regarding me and Jasper.

"Go get dressed, then we can go get something to eat. I'm hungry and I am sure you are, too, after last night. Plus, you are going to need plenty of energy for later." Alice said with a knowing smirk.

Rosalie snickered behind Alice.

Alice turned to Rose. "Did they keep you up last night?"

Rose shook her head. "It was actually very quiet. They did make up for it earlier, though." Her eyes twinkled with mirth.

I noticed the heat rising in my cheeks, while Jasper just stood there with his mouth open.

Before I knew it, Jasper and I were being dragged out the door by Alice. Though I was happy to be out in public with Jasper, I was also nervous as hell. Thing is, I didn't know how either of us would react around each other. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice look at me and I knew that she could see my anxiety about what to do. She smiled knowingly at me.

Alice skipped over to Jasper, linked her arm with his and said, "So tell me more about yourself. I know you're gorgeous and have a wonderfully funny and beautiful sister, but other than that I know nothing at all."

I shook my head slightly knowing that was not the case. I was sure she knew more about Jasper than he knew about himself. Offering my arm to Rose, we followed after them. Before I knew it, we were sitting in a lovely cafe roughly situated between the hotel Alice and I were staying at, and Jasper and Rose's apartment. I knew that this was not a coincidence.

Alice, Jasper and Rose were all talking like they were life long friends and I couldn't help feeling a little left out. My sister had arranged it so that I was sitting across from Jasper. I could gaze at him all I wanted without it seeming out of place. But sitting here and looking at him wasn't enough. I had this over powering urge to touch him. _Fuck, where had this come from? And why now? _My eyes darted around to see if anyone was looking at us, to see if anyone was watching me looking at Jasper. Luck was on my side, everyone seemed engrossed with what they were doing and not interested in us. If this had been L.A., then everyone would have been looking or interrupting us to have my autograph and that was the last thing I wanted to happen in front of him.

Jasper looked over at me and smiled shyly before resuming his conversation. The waitress came over to ask for our orders. She looked at me and then looked again. I could see the recognition in her eyes. My heart started to pound, and I could hear the blood rushing through my body. I couldn't breath, my lungs constricted allowing no air in. _Fuck, I was going to die right here._

I noticed Jasper looking at me strangely, Rose looking at me with worry and Alice, of course being Alice, had an amused little smirk on her face. I was never one to be totally comfortable with my fame, but right now I wanted to be anyone else but myself.

Alice rose from the table, placed her hand on the waitress's arm and said, "Could you tell me what this lovely cake I saw in the cabinet is? If it is what I think it is, then I will have to save some room for it after my meal." And with that, she led the waitress away.

The tension left my body a little bit with each step they took further away from the table. I stretched my legs out and relaxed further. I had never become that relaxed so quickly in my life. It wasn't until then that I noticed my leg was resting gently against Jasper's. He instantly looked at me and gave me an apologetic look. What happened next I think shocked us both. As he went to pull his leg away from mine, I hooked my foot around his keeping his leg against mine.

The shy smile and blush on his face made it all worth it. He almost seemed as unsure as I was.

Alice came back to the table, noting the leg touch under the table as she came closer. "It was exactly what I thought it was." She stated, keeping up the ruse.

Our drinks arrived delivered by the same waitress, but there was no scrutiny this time. She smiled sweetly and left us to it.

We laughed, joked, and told stories while waiting for our meals to arrive. Without any warning, Jasper rose and excused himself for the men's room.

"Thank you, Alice." I said once he was out of ear shot.

"God Edward, I thought you were going to shit yourself." Alice laughed and Rose snickered.

"Don't worry Edward. I don't think Jasper noticed. Much." Rose's snickers became laughter.

"What did you promise her?" For I knew that there had to be some sort of catch.

"A personalised autograph." Alice replied, while sorting through her bag for pen and paper. She found what she was looking for and handed it to me. "Her name is Jessica."

I signed the paper with flair and then handed it all back to Alice. A few seconds later, I could see Jasper making his way back to the table. Sadness engulfed me as I realised just how much I was keeping from him. I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't as I was afraid to. If he knew, would he still want me? Would he be willing to be a secret? Did I want him to be a secret?

Rose tapped me on the arm. While lost in my thoughts, lunch had arrived. One thing I noticed, was that since Jasper had come back to the table, his leg was no where near mine and I found myself wanting some sort of connection with him no matter how small it was. I needed to feel him, feel his soothing touch for my troubled thoughts. I smiled a thanks to Rose and started to slowly eat my food.

Keeping my eyes down looking at the unappealing food on my plate, I was once again lost in my thoughts. Someone at the table nudged my foot, and I looked up to see Jasper looking at me with a concerned look. I give him a weak smile, though the feeling of contentment came back to me as Jasper left his foot lightly resting against mine. I wanted so much to be with him in every way two people are when they start a relationship. To be able to kiss him when I wanted, and touch him whenever I wanted. I wanted to show the world that I, Edward Cullen, was with the most wonderful man on Earth. But, I couldn't. To the outside world we could show nothing but friendship.

"Hey Emo Edward." Alice said as she punched me on the shoulder. "If you are going to be like this then Rose, Jasper and I will leave and finish our meal elsewhere."

"Sorry Ali, I got lost in some deep thoughts."

Alice leaned closer and whispered to me. "You are going to freak him out and scare him off if you continue scowling at your food. He is just as nervous as you."

I couldn't help but stare at her with a look that said 'as if'.

"It's true, trust me."

By now Jasper and Rose were looking at us as if we were a couple of 'loony tunes'. I guess from their point of view our conversation, or lack of one, would be weird.

_I have to get out of this melancholy mood I am drowning in. I don't know how long I have with Jasper and I can't just fucking sit here thinking depressive thoughts. I want every moment with him to be special so I can relive them for the rest of my life._

Sitting up straighter in my chair, I kept my foot against Jasper's. Apologising for my lack of attention to the conversation, I picked up my fork and started eating. The conversation continued to flow easily for the rest of lunch. Alice got up at one point to pick out the piece of cake she wanted, but I knew that it was a cover to give the waitress my personalised autograph.

Not long after, we all left the restaurant and lazily walked down the street.

"So what do you want to do now?" Jasper asked.

"I think Rosalie and I will go do a bit of shopping." Alice replied.

I couldn't help but laugh hard. "Oh Rose, you don't know what you are letting yourself in for if you agree to go with her."

"Oh, I think I can hold my own Edward." Rose replied, smiling.

"So, what are you boys going to do?" Alice inquired.

"I just thought that Edward and I could walk around for a bit. Nothing too great." Jasper said almost shyly.

We watched the girls walk away. I looked at Jasper. "So where are we going?"

"I have no idea." He said quietly.

"Jasper?"

His gaze locked on the ground. _God, I wish I knew what was going through his mind right now_. _He looked so lost, so sad. I wanted to make whatever was troubling him better._ _I didn't like seeing my angel like this._

"Jasper?" I asked again.

"I'm sorry, Edward." He whispered.

"For what, Jasper?" I replied.

Jasper just kept whispering that he was sorry. He really was starting to scare me as I couldn't make any sense out of it. Not knowing what to do, I grabbed his wrist and led him back to his apartment.

By the time we had arrived back to the apartment, Jasper had finally stopped saying sorry. But, he wasn't saying anything else either.

"Jasper, please talk to me. You're starting to scare me." I pleaded. Panic began to creep in. It was almost like he was catatonic.

In a speed that was immeasurable, I found myself on my back on the couch with Jasper on top of me. His lips attacked mine with such intensity and passion. His tongue reached into the dark recesses of my mouth. I couldn't help but moan. Jasper angled his head a little more giving us both better access to each other mouths. My hands tangled within his soft hair. His taste just seemed to get better and better and I never wanted to taste anything else.

Desperate for air, we reluctantly moved apart. Jasper began to place loving, open mouthed kisses against my neck, as his hands ran down my chest. The warmth, that only Jasper seemed to be able to give me, slowly seeped through my body. This man could do unbelievable things to my body, things that I wanted for the rest of this lifetime and every other lifetime I may be granted. But I had to stop him, I needed to know what happened while we were out today. Had I done something wrong? I didn't think so. What had been going through his head?

Jasper's hand slipped under my shirt, and his fingers lightly teased my stomach. His mouth continued to do wonderful things to my neck. I needed to taste his lips one more time before I put a stop to this. Twinning my fingers through his golden locks, I pulled his mouth away from my neck. Lifting my head slightly, I brought his lips to mine in a slow but deep kiss. Our tongues caressed each others, our passionate moans collided.

I lost all sense of time as Jasper consumed every one of my senses. His hand moved down my stomach to the top of my pants and I felt the button release. I wanted, no needed, him to undo my zip. My throbbing erection pushed painfully against the zip of my jeans and I needed release in more ways than one. Jasper's hand slowly teased the zip down relieving the pressure against my hard cock. His fingers tantalisingly rubbed light circles along my skin just above the band of my boxers. I groaned into his mouth as I thrusted my hips, trying to connect my cock with his hand.

Then I remembered that I needed to stop him as I had to know what happened. I had to know what caused him to shut down.

Pulling my mouth away from his, I groaned. "Jasper."

He opened his beautiful blue eyes and stared deeply into mine. "Yeah baby, tell me what you want."

"I don't want to, but I need you to stop." I replied breathlessly.

"Why?" Jasper asked looking a little confused.

"Please tell me what happened earlier. You had me so worried."

"You really want to know that, right now, when I have your hard cock in my hand?" And with that, his hand slipped inside my boxers and wrapped around my aching length. Jasper slowly started moving his hand and it felt incredible. My eyes rolled back and a long deep moan left my lips.

"God Jasper, it feels so fucking good."

"It's about to get a whole lot better, babe." Jasper whispered in my ear.

Jasper lifted himself off me and straddled my hips, his hands once again going to the bottom of my shirt and pulling it up. I lifted my body off the couch so that he could pull my shirt off over my head. Jasper raked his nails down my chest and stomach and his warm mouth followed suit, tenderly kissing the marks left by his nails. Random words were leaving my mouth as Jasper neared to where I wanted him most. By this point, I didn't care that he hadn't answered my question about today. His lips were driving me crazy with wanton desire.

Jasper's mouth moved down my body. I gasped, then moaned, as I felt his hot breath on my cock through my boxers. I needed more, but at the same time, I wanted Jasper's lips against mine as I could never get enough of kissing him. He tugged at my boxers dragging them down over my hips and off my body. I watched his face as he stared at my cock with such intensity. Jasper lowered his head, running his tongue from the base all the way to the head of my straining cock and I moaned at the intense feeling. He gently sucked the head into his mouth as he ran his tongue along the slit.

"Fuck Angel... don't stop." I panted.

Jasper groaned as his lips engulfed more of my length slowly moving up and down and taking more of me with each downward motion. Before I knew it, the head of my cock hit the back of his throat. He swallowed and I almost lost it. The feeling was so good, I couldn't help but thrust my hips wanting to feel it again and again. His mouth struck up a rhythm so divine that I knew I wasn't going to last long.

"Oh God ... so close... never knew."

My hips were now moving in perfect time with his mouth. My stomach muscles clenched and my balls tightened.

"Fuck." I yelled as I came hard into his mouth. Jasper swallowed around me as I shot more of my essence down his throat. His beautiful mouth never stopped its rhythm until he had gotten every last drop out of me.

I laid weak and content on the couch feeling his tongue take one last, long lick around the head of my cock. Gently, he released me from his mouth slowly kissing and nibbling his way back up my body. I grabbed his head within my hands and kissed him with all that I had. I groaned as I tasted myself on his tongue.

"Thank you, beautiful." I whispered against his lips.

"No need to thank me, Edward. It was definitely my pleasure."

I could feel his hard throbbing cock against my hip. Running my hands down over the top of his clothing, I slipped my hands under his shirt before drawing my hands back up bringing his shirt with me. Understanding what I wanted, Jasper sat up and removed it throwing it carelessly on the floor. I gazed in wonder at his beautiful chest and his well defined abs. Placing my hands on his chest, I could feel his warmth and his heartbeat. Moving my hands, I lightly pinched both his nipples. His head fell back and his back arched as he rolled his hips over mine reawakening my cock. He groaned from somewhere deep in his chest.

Fuck he was gorgeous, like a fallen angel sent down to torment me.

Releasing his nipples, I ran my hands down feeling the well defined muscles of his six pack. Popping the button on his pants, Jasper eagerly raised his hips to assist me. I knew what he wanted and I was more than willing to give it to him, but I was going to get some answers first.

Sitting up, I wrapped Jasper's legs around my waist before standing up and walking towards his bedroom. As I reached his bed, I knelt down placing his back against the covers. Untangling his legs from around me, I moved down so I could finish undoing his zip. Tugging his jeans and boxers off him, I took in his naked beauty. I could stare at him all day.

Kissing my way up his legs, I alternated between sucking his inner thigh and giving it playful nips and long slow licks. His gasps and groans filled the room.

"Jasper?" I asked against his leg.

"Mmmm?" He responded.

"What happened this afternoon?"

"Nothing." He mumbled.

Moving a little further up his leg so that my nose brushed against his balls, I breathed in his scent. "Jasper?" I asked again before running my nose up the length of his beautiful, hard cock.

He whimpered. "Babe, please."

"What do you want beautiful?" I said as I kissed the tip of his cock.

"More, please."

Taking Jasper's hard cock into my mouth, I sucked him gently not quite giving him what I knew he wanted. Running my tongue lightly around the head of his cock, I tasted his essence. Jasper bucked his hips trying to get more of himself in my mouth. But I wasn't going to give in that easy. Releasing him from my mouth, I licked his cock all the way from the base to the tip.

"Please, Edward, stop teasing." He whispered.

"I will stop teasing when you answer my question." I looked up at him through my eyelashes while playfully nipping at his cock.

"What question?" He seemed lost in the sensations.

"What happened this afternoon?" I was getting frustrated as this was the third time I had asked him.

"It's too embarrassing." He said hesitantly.

I took his hard cock all the way into my mouth and hummed as I felt him hit the back of my throat. He gasped at the feeling.

"Tell me Jasper." I said a little forcefully, while releasing his cock again.

"Fine." He sighed. "I didn't know what to do."

I lifted my head to look at him wanting him to go on.

"I may finally be out as a gay person, but today was the first time I have been out in public with someone I care about. I didn't know what to do. Once Rose and Alice left, I didn't know how to act. You said you couldn't be out because of your job, but all I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you. I shut down so that I could stop myself from doing something to hurt you." He sighed when he finished.

I was shocked and appreciative of the thought of why he had done what he did. "I am so sorry that I did that to you, Jasper."

"Don't be Babe. I wasn't sure about myself either."

Still thankful regardless, I brought back my focus to his hard length that was still resting so close to my mouth. Licking his leaking slit, I tasted his full, wonderful flavour. Taking him back into my mouth, I quickly worked up a rhythm that had Jasper moaning and panting while rocking his head back and forth on the pillow.

"Fuck E, feels so fucking good." He groaned.

Deep throating him constantly now, I cupped his balls in my hand rolling the orbs around gently. Jasper's hip movement changed to short, sharp motions and I knew that he was getting close. Tugging lightly on his sac, I felt him explode in my mouth. Feeling his cum squirt into my mouth made me moan as his essence was divine. It was pure Jasper.

"Fucking hell, babe." He panted while still releasing his cum into my mouth.

Moving my way back up his body, I kissed his lips with everything that I had letting him taste himself on my tongue. I smiled contently against his lips. Jasper made me feel things I never thought possible.

Wrapping our arms around each other, we snuggled into each others warmth. We must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew there was a knock on Jasper's bedroom door.

"Yeah." I called out, my voice croaky with sleep.

"Just letting you know that we are home. And to say thank you for moving whatever you were doing to the bedroom before we got home." I heard Alice and Rose burst into laughter at the end of that comment.

Ahh! Sisters you can't live with them, and you can't live without them. I curled back into Jasper's arms and felt myself drifting off again.

Thank you for reading... Reviews are like pieces of gold and will make me very happy


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Huge thank you to everyone for reading, reviewing and putting this little story on alert**

**Big hug and love to OCDJen and dtav for working your magic. You guys absolutely rock.**

Chapter Nine

Edward's POV

The past week with Jasper had been better than I could ever have imagined. We talked, laughed and made love like there was no tomorrow. We had even gone outside the apartment on several occasions since Jasper's panic attack, for lack of a better word. To know that he has the same insecurities about being out in public as I do made things a little easier. If I was truthful, it was a fucking hell of a lot easier as I didn't have to make excuse for why I was uncomfortable and why I really held back when we were in public.

This week had shown me more than I ever would have imagined. I felt things that I had never thought possible and it scared the shit out of me. Deep down, I was pretty certain that I was falling in love with Jasper and that couldn't happen. There was no way I could let myself do that no matter how much I might want it.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Jasper's lips lightly pressing against mine.

"What are you thinking so deeply about, Babe?" Jasper asked me.

"Just thinking about this last week, Angel." I answered him. It was partly the truth.

"Mmmmm...It has been a very good week." He replied as he snuggled his head into my chest. He seemed to get lost in his own thoughts.

Fuck! I really needed to talk to Alice. I was so out of my league right now. The panic began to rise in my chest constricting my lungs as my heart began to beat uncontrollably.

"Hey beautiful, are you alright? Your heart is almost beating out of your chest." Jasper was looking at me with worry in his eyes.

"Yeah, just worrying about going back to work." I lied.

"Oh, is that going to be happening soon?" He asked sadly.

"Not sure. Maybe soon." I lied again. "Hey Angel, I am going to go and ring Alice about something."

I quickly got off the couch and went into the bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I pulled my phone out and called my sister.

"Hey Edward, what's up?" Alice asked in her usual perky tone.

"I need to see you. Alone." I answered shakily.

"Oh Edward, is everything okay?" She asked anxiously.

"I don't know what to do Alice." I could feel tears form in my eyes. "I am so confused."

"Is it Jasper?"

"Yes, in a way." Came my mumbled reply.

"I will meet you at the hotel in fifteen minutes. We will sort this out Edward. I promise."

"Thank you Alice." I said before hanging up the phone.

Walking back out to the lounge room, I noticed Jasper laying on the couch with his eyes closed. I whispered his name next to his ear and got no response. He was asleep. Thankfully, this made it easier to leave without him questioning my quick exit. Grabbing a pen and paper, I wrote him a short note telling him that I was meeting Alice for coffee.

Leaving the apartment building, I was overcome with mixed emotions. I wanted to stay with Jasper, to feel that contentment that only he could give me, but I needed to leave to try to figure out what the fuck was going on in my mind. The level of feelings I had for Jasper freaked me out more than I ever thought possible. Hopefully, Alice could help me get my head in order.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I arrived at the hotel sooner than I had expected. Going up to my suite, where Alice had been staying while I had been at Jasper's, I knocked on the door. Alice opened the door and invited me in.

"Hello Edward." She said quietly, her voice tinged with worry.

I grabbed Alice and brought her in for a tight hug. "Hey Ali."

"Sit down, I've ordered coffee."

Flopping down on the couch, I rested my elbows on my knees and placed my head in my hands. Unsure of what to say and how to begin, I just let my thoughts continue their loop.

Alice tapped me on the shoulder, then handed me a cup of coffee. She didn't press me to talk and for that I was thankful.

Sometime later, Alice broke through my internal musings this time by putting her hand on my leg.

"Edward, please talk to me." Alice asked.

"I don't know what to say." I replied.

"Tell me what has got you thinking so hard."

"Jasper." Was all I could say.

"Okay, so it's about Jasper. Could you expand on that?"

I sighed and shrugged.

"Has Jasper done something wrong?" Alice inquired.

"God no." I was a bit surprised at Alice asking that. "If anything, he has done everything right."

"Then I'm a little confused." She quipped.

"It's me, Alice. I'm the one..." I trailed off.

"It's you what Edward?" Alice prodded.

"I don't know what to do."

Alice giggled a little before replying. "I'm not sure I can help you in the gay sex department, not that I think you need it."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that your mind went there, Ali. But no, I didn't come here to discuss sex positions and shit with you." Thankfully, Alice had lightened the mood a little.

"So no juicy details then, huh?" She pouted but her smile managed to break through.

"Maybe later Alice, if you are a good girl." I smiled as her pout became more genuine.

"So talk to me, oh brother of mine. Tell me what has you running to me."

I sighed, then spoke softly. "I think I am falling in love with Jasper."

"I don't believe the 'I think' part." Alice air quoted when stating the "I think part". " Be truthful to yourself Edward. Now, would you like to rephrase your last statement?"

"As much as I want to be able to state it unequivocally, I can't. Because, if I do, I will have to leave. I want it so bad Alice but I am fucking petrified."

"That is a fucking load of bullshit Edward. Why can't you have it? What are you so fucking afraid of?" Alice said heatedly at me.

"Everything." I stated factually.

"You know that Mum and Dad will wholeheartedly support you. So will Emmett, though we both know that he'll tease you whenever possible. The rest doesn't matter."

"What the fuck, Alice? How can you say that the rest doesn't matter? What about my career? You know how much I love doing what I do." I screamed as I got up and started pacing the room.

"Yes, you love it so much that you forget to turn it off. Other than that day I found you on the hospital grounds, this week is the first time in years that I have seen the real you. You have to let go of the smoke and mirrors and really enjoy what life and Jasper have to offer you. Do you honestly want to lose it all just when you finally found it?"

Stopping my pacing, I turned and looked Alice straight in the eyes. "I don't know Alice, I really just don't know." I sighed.

"You're a god damn fool if you let Jasper go. He is the best thing to ever have happened to you."

"Fuck." I muttered as I slammed my fist hard against the wall. _Shit, that hurt. _I sat back down on the couch, mulling over everything Alice had just said. _God damn it, why does it have to be so fucking hard?_

Changing the subject, Alice and I spent the next hour or so going over my upcoming schedule, but my mind wasn't focused. She could be telling me anything right now, all I could think about was Jasper.

"Think about what I said Edward. The answer isn't that hard." Alice gave me one last hug before I walked out of the door to return to Jasper.

My mind was so full of what Alice and I had discussed in regards to Jasper, that it kept going around and around in my head. Trying not to over think what I felt for him, and what I was willing to give up to have him in my life forever, I just ended up over thinking everything. The could haves, should haves and would haves versus the could nots, should nots and would nots. Was I ever going to be able to sort this out? I couldn't handle the not knowing. It was starting to make me feel ill. Was life just one cruel joke? Because if it was, I was definitely not laughing.

Alice believed that it was an easy decision, but she clearly wasn't the one making it. I wanted to be with him, have him forever in my life, but I worked so hard for my career creating an image that people appreciated and that brought me a lot of great roles. Was I ready to give up everything for him? Would it have an impact if the public knew? Would I be able to keep my work and not be banned out of it all? But if I choose my career and let go of Jasper, how would I be able to continue to live?

The more I ruminated on all of this, the less I was sure I could find a solution. There were so many parameters that I couldn't predict that going around making hypothesis made me feel dizzy.

Back at the apartment, I found Jasper anxiously bouncing his leg while he sat on the couch. His uncertain smile had me guessing that he had also been over thinking during my absence. And, I was pretty sure that my note hadn't filled him with confidence after my actions earlier.

"Hey." I said softly to him.

"Hi." Jasper replied, his leg slowly stopped bouncing. "Did you have a nice time with Alice?" He then asked.

"Yeah it was nice. She caught me up on all the family gossip since I haven't actually been keeping touch this week." I snapped at him in a bitter tone as I lied.

"Oh." Jasper looked shocked at my tone. "Feel free to use the phone."

Jasper got up off the couch and walked towards his room, muttering something that sounded like "Sorry for taking up so much of your time." He closed the bedroom door loudly behind him.

Great, now I was being an ass to Jasper for no reason. It wasn't his fault that I had been so wrapped up in him that I had been neglecting my family for the last week. Wow, through my lie to Jasper I had come to realise that I hadn't spoken to any family other than Alice.

Walking over to the double French doors, I stepped out onto the large patio balcony. My thoughts and emotions were a complete mess. I owed Jasper an apology for how I acted just now, but I couldn't do that without getting everything in check. Jasper had been nothing but kind, loving and attentive without smothering me, and I hoped I had shown the same to him. Though I knew, deep down, that my little outburst had caused me to fail miserably.

Why couldn't it just be simple? Was it wrong of me to want both? Could I even have both with my career? The one thing I did know was that I wanted to hold onto Jasper for as long as possible. Alice was right in saying he was the best thing to ever have happened to me. Was I willing to give up my acting career to be with him? And if I did go for both, could Jasper handle the scrutiny? Could he handle the limelight or the fans that followed me?

And that was the other thing, what would my fans say? How would they react? Also, how would 'Hollywood' react to the news? Would my coming out cause the end of my career? How would they react to my 'Hi I'm Edward Cullen and I'm gay' speech? Would I still be offered movie roles?

Another thing, how would Jasper react to the knowledge that I have been lying to him about what I do for a living? Jasper had been nothing but open and honest about his life, telling me the good, the bad, and the ugly of what he had gone through. He suffered a lot of pain when recounting the events of coming out to his parents. I started to love Rose for how she stood by her brother in his time of need, just as he had done for her. Jasper had also shared with me the shocking story of Rose, and his best friend Angela's rapes. So I knew to be careful around Rose and to not come up behind her quietly. He had told me all this in confidence and from that I saw their unusually close bond in a whole new light. They were the only family that each other had left and they looked after each other mentally, emotionally and physically. I guess it was the same thing I had with Alice and Emmett, just not as deep as theirs.

Shaking my head to dispel my current thoughts, I started thinking about what I could do for Jasper tonight to make up for my behaviour today.

'Hey Edward." I jumped at hearing the voice behind me.

"Afternoon Rose." I replied.

"Could you answer a question for me?" She asked. I nodded so that she could continue. "Why is Jasper in such a bad mood?"

I sighed. "That is my fault Rose. I snapped at him earlier when I got back from visiting Alice, for no reason. I was just thinking about how to make it up to him, maybe you could help me."

"Sure Edward, what were you thinking?" Rose inquired.

"Are you home tonight?" I asked.

"No, I have dinner plans with Alice." She answered.

"Perfect." It seems that my plan might work. "What is Jasper's favourite meal?"

"He loves seafood paella." Rose informed me.

"Excellent. Can you keep him busy for an hour or so? I need to go to the shops."

"No worries." She answered simply.

I went back inside to find Jasper sitting at his desk, his laptop open to a blank page. Going over to him, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

"Hey Beautiful, I need to go out for about an hour. I have a few things I need to pick up."

"Do you want me to come with you?" He asked as he turned around to face me.

"No, it's okay. You should stay here and do whatever it was you were planning to do with that blank page you have been staring at." I nodded towards his computer screen.

Jasper pouted a little and I couldn't resist kissing him. The kiss was supposed to be short and sweet, but the feel of his lips against mine, his tongue teasing mine and his unique taste flooding my senses, I lost it. Stopping the kiss before it got any more out of hand, Jasper whimpered. Hell I almost did too. I placed one last quick peck on his lips before I walked out the door.

Being around Jasper did wonderful and weird things to my mind, body and soul. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe when I was away from him. He brought me peace and happiness, something I never knew I wanted or craved, until I had experienced it.

Unlocking the door, I let myself back into the apartment. I had managed to get everything I needed with out being recognised or if I had been, no one had asked me for a autograph. Tonight I was going to show Jasper just how special he was to me. I may not be able to express what I feel into words but hopefully my actions would make it clear to him how much he meant to me.

Unable to stop myself, I went to find Jasper as soon as I had put my supplies in the kitchen. I went into his room to find him tapping away on the computer keyboard.

"Hey Babe." I said quietly.

His head turned, revealing a wonderful smile. Jasper got out of his chair, walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"Hi." He whispered into my neck, before placing sweet kisses against my skin.

Tilting my head to the side to give him better access, I couldn't help but groan when he kissed that particular spot just below my ear.

"I might have to go out more often if this is the response I get when I come home." I moaned when he started nibbling down my throat.

Grabbing his head gently in my hands, I lifted his face from my neck and kissed him. If the kiss before I left had me wanting more, then this kiss we now shared had me almost begging for it. Reluctantly, I pulled away.

"I am going to make us some dinner, so I will let you go back to whatever it was that had you writing so intently." I murmured against his lips.

"Do you need me to help?" Jasper asked.

"No thanks, Babe. I've got it all under control." I begrudgingly moved away from the warmth of his arms.

Leaving Jasper to continue writing, I made my way into the kitchen. I set out all the ingredients, but didn't start cooking as I had other things I needed to organise first. Setting the table out on the balcony, I put a table cloth, crystal glassware, candle holders with candle and cutlery. I had wanted to get flowers but I didn't know if Jasper would have thought it too cheesy. After making sure the table was set to my taste, I went back inside and headed for the bathroom, only to find it still being occupied by Rose.

"Don't worry Edward, I've finished in there. I will be leaving in a few minutes."

"Thanks Rose and I'm sorry I am kicking you out of your home tonight."

"Don't be Edward. It is nice to see someone doing something special for my brother. I hope he appreciates all that you're doing for him." She kissed my cheek before heading off to her room.

Rose said goodbye a few minutes later, while I was still setting up the bathroom. Quickly finishing up, I headed back to the kitchen as I needed to get started if we were going to eat tonight. And with the plans I had for Jasper, we were going to need all the energy we could get.

Just over an hour later everything was ready and I just needed get Jasper to the table but I wanted it to be a surprise too. Before I went and got him, I nipped outside to light the candles.

I walked, once again, back into his bedroom. "Dinner is ready Babe." I told him.

Jasper stopped typing and rolled his neck and shoulders. _I must remember to give him a rub later to help with the stiffness._ A small smirk crossed my lips at that thought, as it worked in more ways than one.

"What's for dinner, Beautiful?" He asked as he walked towards me.

"It is a surprise, Babe. So I'm going to need you to close your eyes while I will direct you to the table." I said as I caressed his cheek.

Jasper pouted. "None of that or dinner will go cold." I had caught on to what he was doing. His pout became more prominent.

Giving him a quick kiss, I placed my hands over his eyes and led him outside to the table. Guiding him gently to sit down, I removed my hands and waited for his reaction. Jasper looked at the table which had been illuminated in soft candle light. He then looked at me with tears forming in his eyes. I started to panic. Had I done something wrong? Tears were the last sort of response that I had expected from Jasper.

I started to remove myself from Jasper's side. "I'm sorry Jasper. I really thought I was doing something nice for you. I'm so, so..."

I never got to finish my sentence before Jasper was out of his chair and a finger was placed across my lips stopping me.

"Edward, they're happy tears, I promise. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. I love it, you sweet, sweet man." He removed his finger from my lips. "So what is for dinner?

"Seafood paella." I mumbled feeling embarrassed.

Jasper gave me a soft kiss on the lips before returning to his seat. I went to the kitchen and served us up each a plate of paella, then returned back to the outside table. Placing his plate in front of him, I watched his eyes close as he took in a deep breath, smelling the aromatic flavour of his favourite dish. He picked up his fork and dug in heartily. Jasper moaned and the sound went straight to my cock. I felt it instantly start to harden in my pants. Watching him eat was really quite erotic and the noises he produced had me as hard as a rock, my dinner is forgotten as I let the images of him riding the length of my throbbing cock take over my mind.

"Fuck Beautiful, this is so good." He groaned before he took the next mouthful. After he swallowed he said,. "Babe, why aren't you eating?"

"I was enjoying watching you eat. Watching you is almost sinful." I answered him honestly.

Jasper took another mouthful. Groaning seductively again, he got out of his chair and walked around the table to me. I pushed my chair back and to my surprise Jasper straddled my thighs. He leaned back and grabbed a prawn off my plate. Turning back, he slowly brought it to my lips. Opening my mouth, Jasper placed the prawn on my tongue; I closed my eyes as the taste exploded in my mouth as I chewed. I can see why Jasper had been making so much noise.

As I opened my eyes, I saw Jasper staring at my mouth intently. Before I comprehended Jasper's movements, his mouth was pressed against mine forcefully. He opened his lips and ran his tongue along the seam of my lips. Wanting Jasper's taste, I opened my mouth and sucked his tongue into my mouth. I moaned at the wonderful flavour of Jasper mixed with the spiciness of the paella. It was powerful. Our kiss slowly started to burn with passion. Placing my hands on Jasper's hips, I moved them so that our groins brushed against each other. I needed to feel him. He groaned, and then started moving his hips on his own.

Jasper started undoing the buttons on my shirt, running his fingers along my skin in between each button. When he reached the bottom button and released it, he quickly pushed my shirt off my shoulders. Jasper's mouth released mine, and he slowly began kissing along my jaw and nibbling his way down my neck

"As much as I love seafood paella, I think I have found a new favourite dish to snack on." He murmured against my throat.

I tilted my head back. "And what is that?" I asked through a groan.

"It is a delectable dish. It is a little salty, a little spicy and it makes my mouth water. It's called Edward."

My laughter turned into a heady moan as he ran his tongue along my shoulder, then up my neck.

"I don't ever think I can get enough. I want it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And, definitely, as a midnight snack." He whispered in my ear.

Grabbing his shirt, not caring about the buttons, I pulled it over his head. I needed to feel him against me, his hard chest against mine.

"Angel, take a bath with me?" I asked.

"Anything, Edward." Jasper replied.

"God baby, don't say things like that, it could get us both in a lot of trouble." I told him.

"Right now I don't care." He said. After one more deep long kiss, Jasper moved off my lap.

"You finish eating and I will be right back" I said.

I left Jasper at the table and went into the bathroom. Turning on the taps, I let the water run over my hand until I had the right temperature. Once the water started to fill the large two person bath, I added sandalwood oil to it. Then I lit the candles I had placed in the room earlier. Nipping out to the kitchen, I grabbed the bottle of white wine I had forgotten to serve with dinner. Quickly opening it, I grabbed two wine glasses and took them into the bathroom. I poured the wine into the glasses before turning off the water.

Returning to the patio to collect Jasper, I found him staring dreamily out across the skyline. It made me almost wish that I could read his mind, I wanted to know what had put that gorgeous look on his face.

"Hey, Beautiful. Ready for our bath?" I asked quietly.

"Hell yes." He replied with a huge grin on his face.

Taking his hand, I led him to the candle lit bathroom. Turning to face him, I ran both hands down his chest and over his hard abs, stopping when I reached his belt. With quick fingers, I undid his belt and removed it from the loops in his jeans, before releasing the button and lowering his zip. Jasper sat down on the edge of the bath, and I knelt before him so I could take off his shoes and socks. Assisting Jasper to stand, I pulled his jeans and boxers off together, throwing them in the corner.

Raising my head, my gaze landed on Jasper's hard length. Leaning forward, I ran my tongue around the head, lapping up the pre-cum that had started to leak. Encasing the tip into my mouth, I slowly lowered myself taking more of his cock, enjoying the noises he was making as I did this.

Reaching up to steady both Jasper and myself, I grabbed onto his hips Bringing his groin closer, I took more of him into my mouth, until he hit the back of my throat. Humming around his cock, Jasper gasped before threading his hands into my hair. Slowly increasing my movements and suction, Jasper picked up on the motion and started thrusting his hips in a matching rhythm.

"God Babe, it feels so fucking good." He panted as his thrusts increased. "Not going to last much longer."

Wanting to taste Jasper's essence on my tongue, I brought a hand from his hip and cupped his balls, gently rolling them, before tugging on his sack. His hip movements became erratic and I knew he was getting close. Taking my other hand, I ran a finger from the top of his ass to over his sensitive hole and back again. When I touched his puckered hole for the second time, I pressed carefully against it without penetrating the tight muscle. The sensation of my mouth around his throbbing cock, my hand gently tugging his sack and my finger caressing his hole, Jasper exploded into my mouth. Stream after stream of Jasper's cum filled my mouth and I swallowed every last drop, greedily taking everything he gave me.

After giving Jasper enough time to calm down, I helped him into the bath before I took off the rest of my clothes, my hard cock hitting my stomach with each movement I made. Even though I was painfully hard, I was in no hurry to cum. Being able to give Jasper his release was enough for me at the moment.

Joining Jasper in the bath, I pulled him until his back was resting against my chest. Enjoying the feeling of him in my arms, and him resting his head upon my shoulder, no words needed to be said as we relaxed in the warm water. Our fingers softly played with the each others, keeping the simple yet loving connection.

Time passed and still no words had been spoken. We communicated through gentle caresses, light touches and soft simple kisses. The water cooled to the point that it broke through our cocoon of contentment. Silently, we got out of the bath, dried each other carefully, blew out the candles and walked hand in hand to Jasper's bed.

We laid on Jasper's bed, arms and legs wrapped around each other, staring into each others eyes. I wanted to hold onto the moment for the rest of my life. Gazing upon his gorgeous face, I committed every millimetre to memory. I never wanted to forget any of it. Taking in the feeling of him in my arms, with his arms wrapped around me, so that I could recall it on those long lonely nights in the future when I was away filming.

"Edward, make love to me." Jasper asked quietly.

I whispered back, "Are you sure?"

Over the past week, we had switched when making love, but I had noticed Jasper topped a little more often. Not that I had a problem with this, I had enjoyed every minute. I guess I had just assumed that he would take control again this time.

He nodded, before coming forward and pressing, his lips gently, though purposeful against mine. Slowly he rolled me onto my back, draping his body over mine. Our tongues met as our passion intensified. Hot wet kisses were broken by heavy deep moans. Hands roamed over bodies in an attempt to connect through touch. Jasper broke the connection and moved to straddle my hips, moving his hips slowly against mine causing a delicious friction as our hard cocks rubbed together. I ran my hands up his chest before lacing them around his neck pulling his head down so I could kiss him again. Our tongues intertwined, our hands touching and our groins moved together in a sensual dance, a dance I wanted to last until the end of time.

"Edward, I need to feel you inside me." He panted against my lips. I groaned.

Jasper leaned across to the bedside table to grab the lube and a condom. Returning to me, he started kissing and nibbling his way down my neck and across my chest, dipping his tongue into my belly button before running his tongue long my V, and trailing it down to my painfully hard cock. He did a long languid lick from the base to the tip, then tongued the slit collecting the pre-cum that had pooled there. I felt his mouth encase the head before taking me further inside.

"Shit Angel." I whimpered.

Hearing the click of the lube cap being opened, I wondered if Jasper had changed his mind. There would be no complaints if he did. I waited to feel his fingers against my puckered hole; I was surprised to feel Jasper moan around my cock. Lifting my head, I noticed that he had a hand between his legs. It was then that I realised that he was prepping himself for me. The look on his face as he fucked himself with his fingers and as he took me further into his mouth as he rocked, was exquisite. It was another view for the memory bank.

After Jasper had finished preparing himself, he released my cock from his mouth and slowly worked his way up my body until he was straddling my hips again. Ripping open the condom packet, he expertly rolled it down my throbbing length, before coating it in lube.

"Ready, Babe." He whispered against my lips before kissing me deeply.

Groaning, I placed my hands on his hips and lifted him up. Grabbing my hard cock in my hand, I lined my cock with his sweet hole. Slowly, my dick breached his tight muscle. Jasper gently started rocking, taking more of my hardness with each thrust of his hips until he had taken all of me. The sensation of feeling Jasper's warmth surrounding my cock was indescribable. We both stayed still as he got used to me being inside of him and to just enjoy the intimate connection. Our eyes locked, as my fingers gently caressed their way down his arms linking my fingers through his. I wanted to move, but I needed for Jasper to set the pace as tonight was about him not me.

Using my hands as leverage, Jasper started to rock his hips lifting them every so often to slide up my cock until just the head was inside, before taking all of me back inside him again. It was a slow and sensual rhythm as we continued to stare into each others eyes. Jasper released my hands and placed his on either side of my head, picking up the pace of his movements.

"Fuck Jasper, you feel so good wrapped around me." I panted, as I moved my hips to his rhythm.

Jasper leaned down to kiss me, his tongue lapping mine in sync with his hips. "Edward I need more." He groaned.

Holding on to his hips, and keeping my cock buried deep inside, I turned us over so that I was on top. Wrapping his legs around my waist, I started thrusting long and deep into him.

"Yes." He cried, as he pulled my head down to capture my lips with his.

"Harder." Jasper pleaded.

Lifting my body so that I leaned on my arms, I brought my legs up so I changed the angle of my thrusts. Now, I was continuously grazing his prostate. I watched Jasper's hand wrap around his cock, stroking it in time with my thrusts.

"Fuck Babe, I'm not going to last much longer." I grunted. The sight of his hand pumping his cock drove me closer to the edge. My thrusts became erratic as I tried to hold off, wanting Jasper to cum first.

"Please tell me you're close." I asked as I closed my eyes. Hoping that not seeing Jasper so erotically positioned below me, might help me last longer.

"Fuck... Oh God." Jasper cried out.

I opened my eyes to see his face twisted with pleasure, his hand pumping hard. Suddenly, I felt his muscles clench around my cock as jets of cum streamed across his stomach and chest. The scene below me was just too much and I filled the condom with my cream. Leaning down, I kissed Jasper with everything that I had. Pouring every emotion I was feeling into that kiss, and loving him with every fibre of my being. Slowly coming down from our euphoric highs, our kisses became softer but just as intense.

Pulling carefully out of him, I gave him one last loving kiss before rolling off of him to dispose of the condom. I left the bedroom before quickly returning with a warm cloth to clean Jasper of our mess, before throwing it in the basket. Returning to the bed, I wrapped my arm around him spooning him from behind. Jasper sighed contently, while lightly running his fingers over my arm. I heard his breathing even out, and I knew he was almost asleep.

"I love you Edward." He murmured before letting sleep overtake him.

Had I just heard him correctly? Did he really just say he loved me? My heart swelled at the thought. The immense feeling of hope and wonderment overtook my body. He loved me, just like I loved him. Alice was right, there was nothing to think about when it came to loving him, I just did.

It was then that all the other thoughts and feelings that I had this morning came flooding back. Could I risk it? Would I risk it? Could Jasper cope with the scrutiny? Would he want to? Did he love me enough to even want to try? Would he be happy to stay in the background? Could I handle seeing him only every so often? Would he think that I didn't love him if I asked him to consider it? Would Jasper think that he was some dirty little secret that I wanted to keep hidden? Would he believe me if I told him that it wasn't a dirty little secret, I just wanted to keep us low key?

I could feel the panic rising with these thoughts, and it was getting hard to breathe. I looked at Jasper to see if he had registered my anxiety, he hadn't. Carefully removing my arm from his waist, I slowly got out of bed and threw on some fresh jeans and a shirt. Leaving the bedroom, I went and sat on the couch.

The memories of our night together in L.A., and those of the past week rolled through my mind. Every one of them brought me happiness and pain. The more I thought about everything the more my choice was clear. It was going to kill me but I couldn't see it any other way.

Walking into the bathroom, I collected all my toiletries. Next I went into the bedroom and gathered all my clothes, even those for the dirty clothes basket. Silently I walked around the room, and then the apartment, not wanting to leave anything behind that could cause Jasper pain. Once I had everything, I packed it in the bag that Alice had brought me on that first morning I woke up here.

Unable to help myself, I walked back into the bedroom and watched Jasper sleep now knowing that I would never gaze upon his beautiful, angelic face again, unless it was in my dreams.

Walking over to the bed, I placed one last kiss on his lips. I whispered, "I love you now and forever," in his ear.

Back in the lounge room, I grabbed my bag, placed my key on the coffee table and walked out the front door locking it behind me.

Once on the pavement, I called for a cab. It arrived within minutes. Asking the driver to take me to the airport, I stared at the apartment building until it disappeared from view taking me further away from my love, my hopes, and my dreams.

Upon arriving at the airport, I asked for the next available flight to L.A. Lucky or unlucky, depending on which way you view it, a flight was due to leave within the next two hours.

While waiting to board, I sent Alice a text message. _'Could you please pack whatever is left at the hotel and send it home to L.A._ _for me. X'_

Before I knew it, I was on the plane as it jettisoned down the runway. I watched as the lights of Seattle faded below me.

"Goodbye my Angel. I will never forget you and I love you with everything that I am. And please look after my heart, I left it with you." I whispered as tears fell down my face.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thank you for everyone for reading the last chapter. The amount of review I got was the blew me away. You guys completely rock.**

**Thank you to OCDJen for her prereading skills and dtav for using her magic wand for they make this story readable.**

**This chapter is from Rose's POV as Jasper wasn't in the right state to tell his story. Don't worry you will hear from him in chapter 11.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Ten

Rosalie's POV

I watched on the sidelines as my brother went through hell after Edward left him. The way he did it pissed me off so much. Edward had made Jasper his favourite meal, made love to him twice that night and then left after Jasper had fallen asleep. I had arrived home the next morning to find Jasper on the floor, crying so hard that it had taken me over an hour to get Jasper to tell me that Edward had left. It was another two hours before Jasper said another word. In between, I had rung Alice to see if I could find out what was going on. To say that Alice was shocked and ashamed of her brother's actions was putting it mildly.

Alice arrived at the apartment to see how Jasper was doing, and to let me know that she had finally gotten Edward on the phone to find out his side of the story. Her voice was very raspy from all the yelling she had done. She had gone into Jasper's room to find him on his bed leaning back against the wall, legs drawn up under his chin, rocking and staring at the wall in front of him. She started crying when she saw the state of him.

Alice came back to me in the lounge room after she had seen him.

"I will fucking kill him. How dare he do this?" Alice ranted. "That shitless wonder. If I weren't his manager I would never speak to him again. Fuck it I am quitting, he can pull his shit on someone else."

I had wanted to laugh as Alice was saying everything I had yelled silently in my head for the last few days. Well, except for the quitting part. I couldn't and wouldn't ever quit being Jasper's sister. I needed him in my life more than anything and I would support him anyway possible.

"Alice, do you know what happened?" I had to ask.

"Yes I do and my brother is a spineless bastard. He fell in love with Jasper or, in his words, he thought he was falling in love with Jasper. But, he didn't want to fight for it and his career. The fuckhead chose his career. He kept going on and on about how he couldn't have both, no matter how many times I told him it was bullshit. I am so sorry Rose. I wouldn't have encouraged the ingrate if I had known that this was what he was going to do to your wonderful brother." She said angrily.

"It is okay Alice. You couldn't have known how this was going to turn out. I will admit that I never thought it would have turned out like this. They seemed so perfect together." I stated.

"That's the thing, Rose, they are perfect together. I've never seen Edward so happy. He has gotten so used to being what he thought everyone expected him to be, but with Jasper he was his old self again. I had missed my brother until this week when he came back to me because of your brother."

"Alice." Came Jasper's voice from his bedroom doorway. His eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks tear stained, and his body hunched over like a little old man.

"Oh Jasper." Alice sobbed as she went to wrap him in her arms. She brought Jasper back to the couch and placed him in between the two of us.

Jasper eventually started to relax as he curled into Alice's side. Within minutes, he had fallen asleep for the first time since that night.

Alice smiled when Jasper started to snore lightly. "He is just too cute."

Eventually, when we knew that Jasper was definitely out of the count for the next few hours, Alice and I slipped off the couch and laid Jasper down and covered him with a rug. She motioned that she was going outside to the patio. I had managed to clean up their dinner mess in one of the few times that Jasper had relinquished his hold on me.

Sometimes Jasper's hold on me was so tight that I thought he was going to break my ribs, but I wouldn't have cared if he had. He needed me and I wasn't going to let him down. His pain became mine, I cried when he cried because he just seemed so broken. I followed Alice outside.

"I don't want to hear it, Edward." I heard Alice say forcefully down the phone. "I quit. I used to work for my brother but I don't know who or where he is any more. One thing I do know is it ain't you. I don't know you. My brother never would have done something like this to some one he loves. You broke him, Edward, I hope you are fucking happy. Find someone else to look after your career as I want nothing to do with you or it." And with that, she hung up.

"Alice." I said letting her know that I was behind her. "Don't you think you might have been a little hasty? I mean, I can understand that you don't want to work with him any more, but to say that you don't want him as your brother any more? I don't condone Edward's behaviour but to lose your brother, to push him away. That isn't going to benefit either of you in the long run. Family is important, Alice, no matter how much you can hate them sometimes."

"I know that this is going to sound odd, but I fell in love with your brother too. Not in the same way as Edward, but as a beloved brother."

"Yeah, he is easy to love. I'm so lucky to have him in my life, I wouldn't want it any other way." I said.

"So you can understand why I am on Jasper's side with this. Jasper did nothing wrong. And while I went along with Edward's decision not to tell Jasper about his career, I didn't agree with it. At no point did I see anything to suggest that Jasper wouldn't have supported Edward's acting career. They were both so shy and awkward when out in public, I couldn't see either of them doing anything to let people know that they were together any time soon."

I couldn't disagree with anything Alice had just said.

From that day on, I watched Jasper start to waste away. He barely ate, he would cry at anytime for almost any given reason, and sleep had become elusive for both of us. I was afraid to sleep if Jasper wasn't, because I so was scared as to what I would wake up to the next morning. It was almost worse to watch Jasper when he did sleep. He would toss and turn, kick the covers off and fling his arms around. What scared me the most was the way he cried out Edward's name. Some nights he did it so often that his voice would become raspy from all the yelling and screaming. I abhorred violence but, on more than one occasion, murdering Edward seemed like a good idea. It wouldn't be a quick death either.

After over a month, I woke up to find Jasper in the kitchen making breakfast for us both. Though I was curious to find out what had changed to make him start eating again, I never asked. I was just so elated to see him taking an interest in life again.

From then on, Jasper slowly returned to his old self, well almost. He was still my loving, caring brother but there was a hardness to him now. Whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he would just reply 'it's just better this way.'

Jasper never went back to work at the coffee shop. Instead, he cooked healthy meals at home of both of us, worked out at the local gym six days a week and wrote on his computer.

Alice rang every day to find out how Jasper was doing. They even spoke every so often. I knew he was always anxious when Alice called as he was afraid that she would mention him or say his name in general, but she never did. I asked her about her relationship with Edward every so often. Her response was always the same, she saw him every Sunday if they both happened to be in town at the same time. She still hadn't spoken to him since that day on the phone, no matter how many times he had tried to apologise or explain things. Alice said that her parents had tried to intervene but all she had said to them was that she had lost all respect for her brother due to his actions, and that if they wanted to know what he had done, they would have to speak to him. She had known there were a few reasons why Edward would never tell their parents.

One, he couldn't tell anyone that he was gay.

Two, he knew his parents would rip him a new one for treating Jasper the way he did.

And three, they always tried to get them to work out their problems between themselves. It was only as an extreme, last resort that they did they step in.

Alice had said that her parents knew that this was something she wasn't going to budge on.

Two months later, Jasper came out of his room and handed me a large stack of paper. He told me that was what he had been doing on his computer since we had left Texas. Jasper asked me to read his novel. Over the next two days, I worked my way through his novel. I shed both tears of laughter and tears of sadness. When I reached the end, I was completely in love with it. I told Jasper this and he just laughed and said that I had to love it as he was my brother. So I suggested that he let Angela read it as she worked in the publishing industry. He did, with reluctance, hand his manuscript over to her for her to read.

To both Jasper's surprise and mine, if I was to be completely honest, he received a phone call two weeks later asking him to go to the publishing house as they wanted to talk to him about his book. Apparently Angela had loved it so much that she had given it to her boss to read without telling him. They wanted to print his first ever attempt at a manuscript, which was a rarity, they said. Jasper was excited over the prospect of becoming a published author, but his excitement seemed to be a little tamer than it would have been before the Edward incident.

To celebrate Jasper's success at going to be published, I wrangled him, along with Angela and Ben, into going to a gay club. Angela and Ben both agreed with me that Jasper needed to start enjoying life again. They wanted to help Jasper anyway possible so if it meant going to a gay nightclub then they were more than willing to do it.

We got a few stares. One lovely guy came up and started talking to me about what I was wearing and then he eventually asked the question of what two hetero couples were doing in a gay club. All I told him was that Jasper, my brother, was gay and that we had come out with him to celebrate. Somehow, this quickly spread through the club and guys started coming over to talk. A few even asked Jasper and I to dance. Jasper danced but declined all advances and opportunities to swap numbers.

Jasper and I went out again several times over the next few months. Slowly, I watched him come out of his shell. He readily danced when asked, and even flirted a little, but still, at the end of the night, he came home with me alone.

I started to feel a little despondent at Jasper's disinterest in even going on a date with any of the guys that showed an interest in him until he met Seth.

Seth was a tall Native American, with rich deep brown eyes, longish straight black hair, and a body that most men would envy to have. He always smiled and was quick to start laughing if something amused him. Seth was the type of guy Jasper needed in his life, as he never took anything too seriously. I prayed that Seth could chip away at Jasper's newly acquired hardness.

For several months, I thought Seth was succeeding until one day I got home and was almost knocked over by Seth's angry exit from the apartment. He muttered a 'sorry' and I never saw him again.

When I asked Jasper about Seth's exit, he glared at me, then said. "Even you could have seen that coming."

That night, while in bed, I reflected back on the time Seth had been in Jasper's life. I realised that Jasper was right. Even from the beginning, there had been no uncontrollable affection between them. In the week that Edward had been here, there had been frequent kissing which, more often than not, had gotten out of control. They had seemed to have this constant need to touch each other, sometimes innocently, more often not. There had never been that with Seth. The most I had seen was a small peck on the lips and some hand holding, usually instigated by Seth.

When Jasper's book came out and the publishing house held a party, Jasper had never intended for Seth to come. But, through a slip of my tongue, Seth had found out about the party and enthusiastically invited himself to attend. I had just assumed that Jasper hadn't wanted to publicise that he was gay. But I started to realise that Jasper had kept Seth on the outskirts of his life, never truly allowing Seth to see the real him. The true him.

The more the publicity and success of Jasper's book grew, the more Jasper had pushed Seth away. He never invited him to travel with him when the interview offers poured in. I began to see that Jasper's relationship with Seth was almost like acquaintances who fucked, nothing more. It really couldn't have been anything less. Edward had caused my brother to see life as black and white only, the shades of grey were no longer an option.

In one of my daily calls with Alice, I poured out everything, my new realisations, my fears and my pain for my brother. She shared my pain over Jasper. She even suggested that she came for a visit and sit down with Jasper and get him angry enough that he might finally talk and hopefully begin to heal. As much as I wanted it, I was unsure if now was the right time with everything that was going on in his life. Jasper's professional life grew in leaps and bounds but his private life was such a mess. Though I couldn't really say anything, because he has at least tried to date, where I had not.

Things hit an awesome high for Jasper, seven months after the book was published. A production company wanted to turn his book into a movie. Jasper and I travelled to L.A. for talks. I spent all my time with Alice while Jasper was in meetings all day. Everything had been sorted so quickly that we could have travelled home the next day. I would have loved to spend more time with Alice, but she and I both agreed that for now we wouldn't push Jasper to stay in town longer than necessary. When we arrived back in Seattle, Jasper locked himself away in his room to work on the script. The caretaker roll fell to me and I was happy to do it, for the look of happiness on his face was almost like days of old.

Six months later, Jasper and I were packing to go to L.A.

**AN 2: Hope you guys liked it … Please read and review. x x x**


	11. Chapter 11

_AN: Sorry about the delay in updating, RL has gotten in the way. Plus writing while on pain meds is not a good idea, lol._

_Huge thank you to dtav for waving her wand as both pre-reader and beta on this chapter. And a thank you and hug to my lil sis (you know who you are)._

_Enjoy._

Chapter Eleven

Jasper's POV

Rose and I had just arrived in L.A this morning and what a ride it had been to get here. The last twenty months had been filled with ups and downs. It had started so far down that realistically the only way for me was up. And the ups that I had achieved were so far beyond the heights I could have ever imagined.

After He had left me that night, I really had thought that the bottom had fallen out of my world. I had even considered ending my life. Rose had stuck by my side, slowly bringing me out of my funk. A month of pain and anguish was what I allowed myself before I hardened into the man I am today. Rose wasn't overly impressed with the new me, but she said she understood and loved me just the same. No one was ever going to make a fool of me again. Love had been removed from my emotions.

Love is the reason that my first and only attempt at a relationship with Him had failed. I had met Seth about five months after my month in self exile. Rose and I had finally started going to a gay clubs together. Our second night out at Club 'Voulterra' was the night I first met Seth. He was tall, muscled with copper skin tone, and long straight black hair with soulful brown eyes. He was the exact opposite of Him, and that was the first thing that appealed to me. I had taken things very slowly in the beginning much to Seth disappointment, but I needed to be sure.

Everything had been going great until Seth wanted to take things further. He started talking about deep feelings and wanting us to move in together and that is when I began to pull away from him. Seth started to pressure me for answers, wanting to know why I was the way I was. When I told him that I wasn't going to be suckered into telling him about my past, he told me that I was a cold hearted bastard and that he was a fool for ever thinking that he could change me. He told me that he had changed for me, accepted that I had trouble talking about my feelings, but was sick of the fact that I wouldn't tell him anything about myself.

Looking back now I couldn't help but regret the way I had treated Seth. If it had been a different time, I knew that things would have worked out between us. Seth had just entered my life to soon after Him. I was still trying to patch the hole left in my heart, it was getting better. Every now and then it would still weep, letting me know that I was still suffering the pain of His betrayal. Letting Seth go was the only right thing to do, I couldn't let him suffer because of me.

But it was my book that had brought Rose and me to L.A. In the time between Him and Seth, I had hankered down and finished writing the book. Rose had suggested for me to give my book to Angela. The last thing I expected was a phone call from Angela's boss telling me that they loved my story and were very eager to meet with me to go over a contract, because they wanted to publish it as soon as possible. Rose had to finish the phone call with them as I had gone into some sort of shock. I never would have believed that my first attempt at writing would have someone so eager to publish it.

What was even harder to believe was the success the book had. After a month of being on the book shelf, it had been reviewed by the New York Times and on Oprah. And from their reviews, the book started flying off the shelves so quickly that in one year it had been reprinted fifteen times to keep up with the demand. But that wasn't the end of its success as I had a phone several months ago from a substantial movie company asking me if I was willing to have it made into a movie. How could I have said no to that? Contracts were signed within two weeks.

My only request had been was that I was the one to write the script. This was important to me for I was the one who knew what was crucial so that the story flowed correctly and what could be left out. It was my story and I wanted to make sure that it was told correctly. They agreed and sent me a sample script so I knew how to set it out and what was needed for the actor movements. I told them that I wasn't interested in who they got to play the parts just as long as they were as close to the descriptions in the book as possible. They had been fine with that as they already had some idea of who they wanted for each part. I had completed the script in two months, working on it night and day. The director and producers had been very happy with my results and wanted me to come to L.A. so that if there were any script changes needed I was on site to do them immediately.

The script readings were to start next week and luckily Rose and I didn't have to find and set up a new apartment as the company had arranged one for us. They had even sent a car to meet us at the airport to take us straight to our new home. Rose had even contacted Alice to let her know that we were coming to town and I was glad that Rose had gained another close friend. Every time Rose talked about Alice I always had a pained look, for I was afraid that she would slip and talk about Him.

Rose called my name bringing me to the present.

"Hey Sis, what's up?"

"Ummm..."

"Just spit it out Rose. You don't usually have trouble saying anything." And for that reason I was a little worried.

"Well, I just got off the phone to Alice." I cringed. "She wants to take us to dinner tonight to welcome us to L.A. I said that it would probably be okay but I needed to talk to you first. She said to tell you that He won't be there and He doesn't even know we are in town."

It would be good to see Alice again as I had nothing against her. It wasn't her fault she had Him for a family member. "Okay Rose, but if.."

"She knows Jazz. She even pinky swore over the phone that the conversation would never venture into that territory." Rose promised me.

"What time is the pixie getting here?" I asked.

The doorbell rang just after I had asked the question. "Umm. . . Now."

As I went to get the door, I asked Rose. "How long has this been planned, and don't lie Rose?"

"About a week Jasper." Alice answered as I opened the door. "We didn't want to tell you sooner in case you made some excuse not to come. And it's too early to go, so I thought that we could sit down and catch up."

Laughing, I said, "You and Rose talk nearly every day, what could you possibly have left to talk about?" I laughed even harder when they both poked their tongues out at me at the same time.

"I actually want to know how Jazzy is coping with his success." I cringed at the use of that nickname.

"Firstly, please don't ever call me Jazzy again. I hit Rose whenever she does it." Alice pouted before I continued. "Secondly, I'm not used to it, so I find it weird and uncomfortable. Alice, I know that this is going to sound strange after all this time, but what do you do for a living?" I inquired.

"I am an agent." She replied. I lifted a brow to get her to elaborate. "I represent actors and others in the movie industry. I used to be exclusive to one person but in the last year or so I have branched out and now look after about nine people. I have actually had to open a proper office and hire staff as it seems there are quite a few people who would like to be represented by me. I appear to be the flavour of the month."

Thinking about what Alice had said about her job, I wondered if she would consider taking me on as a client.

"Alice, do you have room for one more person on your books?" I asked.

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't know if you know much about the publishing industry, but you do about the movie industry and if this madness is to continue I am going to need someone like you to deal with certain things so I can get on with my writing. I am clueless when it comes to the contractual side of things. And it would be really nice if I had someone beside me through this next lot of new projects.

"New projects?" Alice and Rose asked at the same time.

Smiling, I replied, "Yes new projects. I've been offered a four book deal with Twilight Publishing."

Rose gasped. "When did this happen?" She inquired.

"Last week, but I told them that I needed some time due to everything that is going on with the movie." I informed them. "They said that they would help me in any way they can. I think that they are just being nice, since my first book did better than expected."

"Better than expected!" Alice exclaimed. "Jasper I have heard of people having to wait six weeks for a copy. The waiting lists have been so long everywhere that they are having trouble filling the orders. Shit Jasper, I would be fucking boasting to anyone who would listen if I were you."

I had heard the same thing about the waiting lists for my book, but I had originally thought it was a joke the first time I heard it. It still feels so surreal to think that my book was that popular. The movie company had steam rolled it through casting and pre-production, they had wanted to strike while the iron was hot.

"What time is the dinner reservation?" I asked, wanting to take the focus off of me.

"Eight." Alice replied.

Looking at the clock, I saw that it was a quarter to seven. "I'm going to go have a shower and get ready."

'Oh Jasper, Rose, I hope you don't mind but I invited my brother along." Alice informed us.

My breath hitched, my heart started to pound in my chest, my hands became clammy and bile rose in my throat. Was this the real reason why they hadn't told me about the dinner plans previously? My chest began to burn as my body craved air that I just couldn't seem to get, and my vision blurred as I started to fall to the floor.

"Jasper!" Alice yelled. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean Him, I meant Emmett."

As her words sunk in, the burning in my chest eased as air finally started to refill my lungs. My vision cleared and my heart rate slowed back down to normal.

"Jasper, I'm only going to say this once." Alice said softly, while looking me in the eye intently. "You'll never have to worry because I refuse to acknowledge Him as my brother any more. I'm sorry for every thing he did to you. So please know that in the future, when I say brother, I'm talking about Emmett only."

Nodding my head, I slowly walked into my bedroom. Fuck! I suddenly felt so drained, maybe I should tell the girls I wasn't up to going out. Thoughts crowded my head. Could I handle meeting Emmett, or would he remind me of Him? I was getting better, I could go almost five hours on some days where I wouldn't think of Him or remember some moment. Stripping off my clothes, I jumped in the shower enjoying the feeling of warm water washing away my anxiety and sweat before I went through my usual shower routine.

I was going to be in L.A. for the next three to four months, and I prayed to whoever was listening, that I wouldn't run into Him while I was in town. With the population of this city, I figured my chances would be pretty good, if not excellent.

Thinking about what Alice had told me, I was saddened to know that she had lost a brother because of this, because of me. It pained me to know that I had caused this rift as I had never wanted to be the reason for a family to fall apart.

Finally finished in the shower, I let all the previous thoughts go down the drain with the last of the water. Getting out, I dried myself. Looking in the mirror, I realised that I was overdue for a haircut. Knowing that there was nothing I could do about it now, I put some product in it and left it to dry naturally. With a quick spray of deodorant and some aftershave, I left the bathroom. Re-entering my bedroom, my eyes fell to the bed where I noticed a set of clothes had been laid out for me. Rolling my eyes, I proceeded to put on the outfit.

"To whom do I have the pleasure of thanking for laying out my clothes?" I remarked sarcastically as I rejoined the girls in the lounge room.

"That would be me." Alice quipped. "Rose had told me that you have been so busy lately that you hadn't had a chance to update your wardrobe, so I got her to send me a photo via the cell. Your body has filled out a little from going to the gym nearly everyday, so I needed a new picture. I hope you like it. Just think of it as a welcome to Hollywood gift."

I just shook my head as there really was nothing left to say. The pixie liked to shop and I couldn't complain about what she had bought me. The outfit consisted of dark grey dress pants, and a matching grey T-shirt to go under a black fitted sweater. I finished of the outfit with my black Doc Martens.

Noticing Alice looking at her watch, I went to the table, grabbed my wallet, cell phone, watch and keys. It was then that I had noticed that while I had been in the shower, Rose had done her hair, make-up and had put on a beautiful teal dress.

"So are we ready to go?" Alice asked.

"Do we need to call a cab?" I inquired.

"No, I'm driving and the restaurant has valet parking." Alice replied.

Alice and Rose picked up their purses and I followed them out, locking the door behind me. Down in the parking garage, Alice led us to a large black Mercedes. It wasn't the sort of car I would have imagined her to drive.

"I borrowed my Dad's car as I didn't want to cramp us into my Porsche." Alice answered my thoughts.

"So Alice, what does Emmett do for a living?" I asked.

"He is a paediatric cardiologist at the L.A. Children's Hospital." She replied.

"Shit, that has got to be tough work." I said. "I know how much Rose gets attached to the kids she volunteers with."

"Have you thought about volunteering while you are in town, Rose?" Alice inquired.

"I was hoping to. I contacted them last week to get some information. I will have to go in one day next week to talk to the coordinator about times and days. Maybe I could talk to Emmett about it tonight and see if he can shed some light on how things run." Rose said.

"I'm sure he would be more than willing to help you Rose." Alice said with a sly smile on her lips.

"Alice." I warned quietly.

Alice just looked at me as innocently as she could, but I wasn't buying it.

Leaving the talking to Alice and Rose for the rest of the drive to the restaurant, I found my thoughts once again drifting to Him. He hadn't been in my life for nearly two years, but he still had a hold on me though my actions these days were not done in anger. Maybe if I had met Seth now, given the length of time that had passed, it might have worked. Or at least I might have been more willing to try and make our relationship work. Seth wasn't a bad guy, in fact he was almost perfect, but he wasn't Him. I had just met him at the wrong time in my life and because of that I had hurt him badly and it was something I was always going to regret.

Recently I had come to the realisation that I wasn't meant to love beyond friendship or family. Rose and I had grown up with a warped sense of what love was meant to be, so it seemed fitting that I wasn't destined to find true love, if it ever existed in the first place. My love and passion was to focus on my work. It appeared to be a better lover anyway, it didn't expect things, want things nor was it needy. It was a cold lover, but now so was I.

I was brought out of my musings by two valets opening Alice and Rose's car doors. Opening my own, I exited the car. Standing near the entrance was a large muscled man, whose face held a wide smile. He looked like he could squash all of us in his bare hands. His eyes moved from Alice to Rose. When they landed on my sister, they almost popped out of his head. I silently chuckled as it was a common occurrence when guys locked their eyes on Rose. Little did they know how out of luck they were.

"Hey, Emmett." Alice said to the large man who was still making goo goo eyes at my sister.

"Emmett." Alice said again.

"What? Huh? Oh, sorry Alice." Emmett said finally tearing his eyes off Rose.

"Emmett, this is Rosalie and her brother Jasper." Alice informed him.

Emmett held out his hand for Rose to shake, but when she placed her hand in his, he brought her hand up and kissed the back of it.

Alice beamed with happiness at the scene before her. I tensed as I was unsure of Rose's response to Emmett's gesture. I was shocked to see Rose blush.

It would appear that us Whitlock's were easily charmed by Alice's brothers. If Rose decides to spend time with Emmett, I hope she has better luck than me. As much as I didn't want Emmett and Rose to hit it off I couldn't begrudge Rose happiness, and if it came in the form of Emmett then I was just going to have to grin and bare it.

Alice and Emmett were greeted at the entrance by name, before we were led to a semi secluded table off to the side. The table over looked a lovely garden with a water feature and a pond. I felt like an outsider looking in, Alice was beaming over the prospect of Rose and Emmett getting closer. Emmett was looking at Rose like he had won the lottery and Rose was making sly glances at Emmett with a soft pink tinge to her cheeks.

The waiter broke through the sappiness happening at the table and requested our drink orders. I ordered a double scotch on the rocks, as I figured I was going to need it tonight. Rose raised an eyebrow at my request. Picking up the menu, I started perusing the items, hoping that the drinks would get here soon.

Listening to the conversation around me, I added a comment or two but otherwise kept to myself. There seemed to be no hurry in moving the night along. Slowly, we worked our way through the appetisers and more drinks. After my double scotch I changed to lite beer.

Emmett seemed like a really nice guy, he took time to ask all of us questions and was interested to hear the answers. I was surprised to find out that he had read my book, until he told me why he had read it. His brother had raved about the book and had told him that if he only read one book that year it needed to be mine. All I could feel after that was a nauseousness that wanted to consume me.

Part way through the main course, the owner came over to see how we were enjoying everything. The service we had received tonight had been exceptional and we told him so. Alice once again did introductions.

"You are the one that wrote that book." Paul asked.

I nodded before saying, "I never thought it would have done as well as it has."

"How could you not have known it would do this well? The story is absolutely brilliant. You have a way of drawing the reader right in. It was really hard to put it down once I had started reading it. Is it true that they are making a movie out of it?" Paul's excitement was evident as his words rushed together.

"Yes they are, that is why my sister and I are here in town. I asked to be able to write the script for it, I didn't want them to take out anything important. We start the script read through on Monday." I replied.

"So when is the release date?" Paul asked eagerly.

"Ten or eleven months from now, I think. There is no definite date as of yet." I answered.

"So, if you are running through the script next week, when do you start filming?" I laughed at Paul's rapid questioning. It was a great feeling knowing that someone was eager to see my book portrayed on the big screen.

"The following week." I said. "And if you're lucky, I might get you a visitor's pass so you can come and see it being filmed."

Paul beamed at this. We all sat there around the table and debated parts of the book for the next hour or so, before one of the waiters came over to discuss something with Paul.

"Can you give me ten minutes, I need to sort this and then I will come back? Is there anything I can get you while I am away?" Paul asked.

I nodded, and then we all placed our coffee orders. Tonight had turned out better than I would have thought. While Emmett appeared enamoured with my sister, he didn't monopolise her time. He willingly talked with all of us at the table and engaged us all in some interesting topics of conversation.

Noticing the ease that Rose seemed to be in around him gave me hope that she was truly starting to mend. Giving Emmett's size and tone of voice, I honestly thought she would have shied away from him. He could be loud but there was always gentleness in the way he spoke. You could see his protectiveness, when it came to Alice, by his words when she said something that worried him. Emmett could be the one to finally break through the last of Rose's defences.

Our drinks arrived shortly after, followed a few minutes later by Paul returning to the table.

"It seems to be family night here at the restaurant tonight for you Alice." Paul said as he sat back down.

My eyes locked on Alice's face as she frowned.

"What do mean?" Alice asked.

"Edward is here tonight as well. Did you not know?" Paul questioned.

"When I booked I specifically asked if Edward had a booking, I was told no. If I had known, I would have chosen somewhere else." Anger was evident in Alice's words.

Throughout the interaction, I felt everything that I had eaten and drunk tonight churning in my stomach, before it started to rise.

Alice continued to talk to Paul angrily. Rose placed her hand on my arm in an attempt to comfort me. What Alice said next broke through my panic.

"Did you tell him we were here?"

"Yes I told him you and Emmett were here with friends." Paul answered.

"Did you tell him who the friends were?" Alice asked, looking at me while we all waited for the answer.

Paul nodded before confirming verbally. "Yes."

I scanned the restaurant frantically, wanting to see Him but desperately hoping that I wouldn't. My breathing became erratic as my eyes jumped from face to face. My luck seemed to be with me tonight, until a shadow fell over the table from behind me.

"Hello Alice, Emmett, Rose and Jasper." His hand came to rest on my shoulder as he spoke my name.

"Hey Bro." Emmett said while Alice and Rose shot daggers at him.

The warm buzz that flowed through my body from his touch was almost my undoing. Moving my chair backwards, I rose from the table jerking my shoulder in an attempt to remove his hand. "Excuse me." I said to everyone at the table.

Turning to leave, I came face to face with his gorgeous face, his eyes staring back at me intently. His lips started to curl into a shy smile. It was then that I noticed someone at his side. She was a stunning strawberry blond woman who had her arm linked with his. The way she was wrapped around his arm was very intimate, more like lovers than friends, and the way she looked at him confirmed my suspicions. It was all just an experiment for Him. Anger, hurt, betrayal and horror ran through me. How could I have been such a fool to believe that someone would really want me? I am, after all, the son of John and Louise Whitlock. If they couldn't love me why would anyone else? Seth tried and look what that did to him.

Pushing my way past Him and his date, I made my way to the front of the restaurant. Exiting the building, I asked the valet to call me a cab. Standing off to the side, He didn't see me when he first came out of the building. Maybe He wasn't looking for me anyway. I was torn by what I wanted and what I needed. I needed him to stay away but I wanted him close, for I had missed him. It was evident beyond anything that he had not missed me or needed me in his life. He had moved on and now, without a shadow of a doubt, I needed to as well.

He had noticed me while I had been trapped in my musing.

"Jasper?" He asked tentatively, as he walked towards me.

"You don't get to say a fucking thing this time Edward. I let you back into my life last time and look how that turned out." I watched his face drop, as tears formed in his eyes, but that didn't stop me from continuing. "I realise that it was all just an experiment for you, but stupid me thought that it was real. I fucking fell for you Edward, but I won't be making the same fucking mistake again. Yes I am in town and will be for a while, but if you stay out of my way I will stay out of yours." I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hearing me yell.

"Jasper, please hear me out." He whispered as the tears started to roll down his face.

"Didn't I just fucking say I didn't want to hear it? Stay away from me Edward. I am sure in a city of this size it shouldn't be too hard." I said through gritted teeth.

"Jasper it's not going to be that..." He started.

"Edward, what is going on? Why did you leave me in there with your brother and sister and that horrible blond person who kept staring at me?" His date cut in.

"Not now Tanya." He told her. She huffed but stayed by his side.

A cab pulled up, I looked over at the valet and he nodded to let me know that the cab was for me. He noticed the cab and looked back at me through tear filled eyes.

Walking over to him, I leaned in to whisper something in his ear. His scent was so warm and inviting, that for a small moment I forgot everything that he had done to me, and all the anger and heartache that I had suffered. His whimper brought me out of the spell I was under being that close to him.

"Don't worry Edward, I won't let your secret out. So go back to your girlfriend. She will never know how much you liked my dick in your ass." I said against his ear. One last deep inhale of his intoxicating scent, and I walked over to the cab. 


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Hi Everyone, I am finally updating. Between injury, rehab, writer's block and a visitor from overseas, RL has really kicked my butt and not in a good way. You will all be happy to know that I am half way through the next chapter.

A huge thank you to Serendipity and NisaCullen who took turns slapping me around to get this chapter up to scratch and ready for posting.

So for both of your Birthdays and all your hard work in helping me, I dedicate this chapter to you both. Love you heaps x x x

Chapter Twelve

Edward's POV

The last thing I wanted to do today was to go out to dinner with Tanya, my agent. No matter how many times I have told her I wasn't interested in anything more than a working relationship, she simply ignored me. Every time we were together she was always touching me. I can't remember how many times I have had to remove her hand from my upper thigh or groin. She had become so predatory in her actions towards me that I had harboured thoughts of hiring a body guard to just protect me from her.

When Alice stopped being my agent, that piece of news went around pretty quickly. I had offers from nearly everyone in the business. After checking around and talking to others in the industry, it honestly had seemed that Tanya was the best one to go with. So I did and boy do I fucking regret it. Yeah she was good at her job, but it was the personal shit that made me want to run.

Her excuse for tonight's dinner was the fact that I would start script reading and filming Coming Out Undead next week. The book had been a huge hit, but that wasn't the reason why I wanted to play Cory, the main character. I wanted the part for two reasons: One, Jasper had written it and it would hopefully give me another chance to see him even if it was from a distance. Two, I could actually be myself while actually playing this character. I was going to be playing a young gay man, who was trying to figure out what the hell it all meant. Not being able to do it in real life, I was going to enjoy playing this role more than anyone would ever know.

Of course Tanya would chose the one restaurant I had previously refused to go to. The place Alice and I had always gone to when we had something to celebrate. Through the Sunday family dinners with the parents I had discovered that Alice had started taking on new clients to the point that she now has an office and staff to assist her with everyday things. I was very happy for her, it seems that I had been holding her back by having her only working for me. She worked harder, but she seemed happier than I had ever seen her.

At last Sunday's family dinner, Alice seemed to buzz with happiness, talking to Emmett about some of her friends coming to town. I had wanted to ask Alice so many questions about her life these days, but she hadn't talked to me in nearly two years. It hurt so much to lose my best friend and sister, but I understand why she has done what she did.

Luckily, I managed to convince Tanya that I would meet her at the restaurant instead of picking her up. It was bad enough that I had to suffer her hands all over me in the restaurant, but there was no way in hell she was going to get me alone to paw me to death.

Driving up, I handed my keys to the valet and walked inside. Tanya was there, already seated at the table. If I didn't know better I would have thought that Tanya looked like a prostitute. Tight red dress, matching red lipstick and bed hair that she thought was sexy. It did nothing for me, but by the looks she was getting from the men sitting around her, it seemed to be something that others enjoyed. But, she had nothing on my Jasper.

My Jasper, I sighed internally. He wasn't my Jasper, I had royally fucked any chance of him ever being mine. Every article, TV interview, anything that had Jasper in it or on it, I brought or taped. Any form of information that allowed me to look upon his face I absorbed with urgent eagerness. He was so beautiful, in mind, body and soul and I trampled on all of it.

It hadn't taken me very long to realise that letting Jasper go was the biggest fucking mistake of my life. I hadn't just left my heart in Seattle with him, I had also left my will to live, my complete existence. Numerous times I had thought of going back and seeing him. I did go back to Seattle once, I needed to see him. But, when I got there I knew Jasper had moved on, with a copper skinned beauty. The kiss they had shared outside Jasper's apartment building was heated with a passion I could almost feel from my spot across the road. My time with him was in the past, more his past than mine. I loved him and missed him everyday. Jasper's book came out roughly four months later.

When I heard that there was a chance that they were going to turning Jasper's book into a movie, I immediately rang Tanya to get her to contact the production company. She procrastinated and tried everything to get me to change my mind. She thought that I was going to ruin my acting career by playing a gay man in a movie. Little did she know that the role was going to be liberating for me even if I was the only one who knew it. So in the end I rang the production company myself, spoke to the president of the company and told him I was interested. Within hours I had received a phone call from the director, he had told me that I would be perfect for the part of the main character. Apparently, there were a few things that still needed to be sorted before they could let the world know that the movie was a go. I said that there was was only one condition I had and that was that I wanted my involvement in the movie to remain a secret, until filming started. He agreed and the paperwork for my involvement was kept between me, the director and the president of the company.

Not wanting Tanya to know that I was doing the movie, I told her I wanted to take some time off between the film I was wrapping and the next role she found for me. I had been working back to back since I had left Seattle, even more so after I got home from going to see him. She was sceptical about me taking time off, she kept saying that people were going to forget me if I stopped making movies, more likely she was going to have less money coming in if I took a break.

"Edward darling." Tanya spoke in a high pitched voice. It was just another in a long list of things about her that annoyed me. Her voice could make you cringe, like nails down a board.

"Yes Tanya." I sighed. Knowing that this dinner was really just another attempt by her to get me not to make the movie.

"I really do think that you are making the worse mistake of you life if you do this movie. Why would you want to play a gay man in a semi romantic vampire movie?" She said.

"Tanya there is more to this movie than it just being, as you put it, a gay semi romantic vampire movie. Fuck did you even read the book?" My frustrations starting to show. "It is about a young man trying to figure out who he is meant to be in this world. Even more so after finally admitting to himself that he is gay. Then after that he has to find a way to tell his parents and find someone who is going to love him for who he is, and not what the world nor his parents expect him to be."

"So! Why can't someone else play the part. Do you want to known for the rest of your life, as the actor who was going places but lost his promising career because he played a gay man in a movie. Do you really want to go out of the business that way?" She semi hissed at me.

"It is my choice Tanya. Be supportive or fuck off and find another person to represent." I spat back at her, my patience quickly wearing thin. "I will gladly take the blame if MY career fails because of MY choice to do this movie. Playing a gay man certainly didn't hurt Heath Ledger's nor Jake Gyllenhaal's careers, if anything the world stood up and took notice. They had the balls to do something that no one else was game to. And if my part helps someone out there who is going through a tough time trying to figure out their sexuality, then my playing this part will be worth it to ME." My Rant had left me feeling emotionally drained.

"God Edward, the way you are going about it, I would almost think that you had homosexual tendencies." Tanya hissed at me quietly, while looking around the restaurant to see if anyone was listening to our conversation.

If only I had the guts to tell Tanya that I didn't only have homosexual tendencies, as she put it, but that I was gay. Finally, I could fully admit it to myself but telling anyone else, besides Alice, that I was gay, was still something I was having trouble with. I wanted to tell my parents, but how and what their reaction would be is the fear that constantly stops me. To be able to tell my parents my biggest secret and have them accept me as I am, was almost a constant thought that ran through my head.

Silence engulfed our table as Tanya went back to eating her dinner, she always ate like there was no tomorrow. Guess she will be disappearing again soon for some more liposuction, or to her favourite week long "medical" spa trip that she took at least once a year. She always came back looking like she had had some procedure somewhere on her body.

As Tanya sulked, my thoughts turned to Monday when I would be coming face to face with Jasper again. I wanted to see him, to see his smile, to look into his eyes. I wanted to touch him and to be touched by him. That wasn't going to be the case, I knew that, but I needed to be close to him again. I wanted to feel alive again, to know that there was some spark of human left in me. I had almost become a zombie in my personal life, I knew it but surprisingly no one else had noticed. Or maybe it was just that no one cared.

I noticed someone coming towards the table, as I looked up I saw Paul, the owner, standing beside me.

"Evening Edward, Tanya." He said.

Even in that small exchange I was reminded that Paul wasn't a fan of Tanya either.

Trying to contain my smirk. "Hi Paul, business looks good."

"Yeah it is. You Cullen's are keeping the business rolling tonight."

I lifted an eyebrow in inquiry.

Paul continued. "Alice and your brother are here tonight with a hot looking blond woman and Jasper Hale, you know the guy who wrote _Coming Out Undead_."

My heart started pounding in my chest. He was here, in the same room with me. I wanted to run away from here as I wasn't ready to see him, yet I also wanted to run to him, take him into my arms and never let go again.

"You should stop over and say hello. I am sure that Alice and Emmett would like to see you. And only you." He muttered the last bit, but I heard it loud and clear.

Turning my head away from Tanya I broke into a huge smile at Paul's remark. I knew that Alice hated Tanya, I just never knew why exactly. Tanya hated Alice because of her success, it had come a lot easier to Alice than Tanya. What I couldn't understand was Alice's intense hatred of Tanya. Alice liked everybody and everybody like Alice, but something had gone on between them that I had not been privy to.

"I am heading back to their table now. Hopefully you will stop over soon to say hi. See you soon, Edward." Paul said before he walked away.

"Well that was just plain fucking rude." Tanya hissed.

I am sure that she continued her rant about the movie and the way Paul pretty much ignored her. My mind was in overload. The out of town friends that Alice had been talking about was Jasper and Rosalie. They were here in L.A, but not just that they were here in this restaurant, just a few feet away from me.

Do I go and say hello?

I want to see him, don't I?

Can I be that close to him and not make a fool of myself?

I had to.

I need to see him.

To be close to him one more time before the movie started and he hated me beyond anything that could ever be fixed. So to make a fool of myself now really wasn't going to matter.

Ignoring Tanya I placed my napkin on the table and rose to follow Paul. My heart is pounding, stomach churning. Sweat is starting to bead on my forehead. I think that Tanya is calling my name but I couldn't be sure, the only thing I heard was the sound of my blood rushing through my body. My feet drew me closer to the one thing that mattered most in my life and the one thing I could never have.

As I got closer to the table I could almost feel the tension coming from three of the occupants. Jasper seemed to be looking around, so I could only gather that Paul had told them that I was here in the restaurant.

I walked up to the table and placed my hand on Jasper's shoulder. The need to touch him was like nothing I had ever felt before. 

"Hello Alice, Emmett, Rose and Jasper."

"Hey Bro." Emmett said while Alice and Rose tried to kill me with their stares.

A warmth spread through me, radiating from the hand that was on Jasper.

Suddenly Jasper pushed his chair away from the table, as he rose he jerked his shoulder to try and dislodge my hand. He excused himself and turned to leave the table.

In a blink of an eye, I was face to face with the man that had haunted my dreams and starred in my fantasies since I had met him. I started to smile until I noticed him looking over my shoulder, just then Tanya decided to link her arm through mine and curl herself into my side. His eyes hardened as she did this and it was at that point when I thought that her murder, by my hand, would be justifiable.

Before anything else could be said or done, Jasper pushed his way past us and headed for the exit. I removed Tanya from my body with more force than would have been polite but I was sick and tired of her trying to insinuate that we had anything more than a working relationship. Looking up I saw the looks on Alice, Rose and Emmett's faces. Rose sent a look of horror and disgust in Tanya's direction, before turning her disgusted look in my direction. Alice had a look of hatred pointed at Tanya and a one of disappointment for me. Emmett was just completely baffled at the whole situation.

Once I had untangled myself from Tanya I followed Jasper. I got the the front of the restaurant but I couldn't see Jasper at first. A movement off to the side drew my eyes to where Jasper was standing.

"Jasper?" I asked tentatively, as I moved closer to him.

"You don't get to say a fucking thing this time Edward. I let you back into my life last time and look how that turned out." My face drop and tears formed in my eyes, as I listened to his words that were filled with anger, maybe even hatred. "I realise that it was all just an experiment for you, but stupid me thought that it was real. I fucking fell for you Edward, but I won't be making the same fucking mistake again. Yes I am in town and will be for a while, but if you stay out of my way I will stay out of yours." His voice soft but the emotion was strong.

"Jasper, please hear me out." I whispered as the tears started to fall.

"Didn't I just fucking say I didn't want to hear it? Stay away from me Edward. I am sure in a city of this size it shouldn't be too hard." He said through gritted teeth.

"Jasper it's not going to be that..." I started to say.

"Edward, what is going on? Why did you leave me in there with your brother and sister and that horrible blond person who kept staring at me?" Tanya, the bitch, cut in.

"Not now Tanya." I said to her. She huffed but stayed by my side.

A cab pulled up, I looked through tear filled eyes right into his and knew that this cab was for him.

Jasper walked over to me, he leaned in to whisper in my ear. His closeness embraced me with warmth, but I knew that was not what he was trying to convey. I whimpered and that seemed to break Jasper out of his thoughts.

"Don't worry Edward, I won't let your secret out. So go back to your girlfriend. She will never know how much you liked my dick in your ass." He hissed in my ear. One last tear fell against my cheek, I watched him get into the cab and drive away.

After watching the tail lights disappear into the night, I felt like the world was crushing me with it's weight. I had to get out of here. Ignoring Tanya and her barrage of questions I walked over to the valet and asked for my car keys, letting him know that I was happy to go and get my own car. As I sat in the front seat, I tried to get a hold of all the emotions running through me, but I quickly started to drown under all the feelings that were tied up with Jasper. I needed to get home before I cracked fully under the immense emotions that threatened to swallow me whole.

Walking into my house I go straight to the liquor cabinet, pouring a large glass of whiskey. I sat down on the couch, picked up the pack of cigarettes of the coffee table, lit one and took a deep drag. The nicotine didn't give me the calming effect that it normally did. The heaviness in my chest seems to be getting worse, it was almost like a galaxy of planets were sitting on my chest.

Jasper had looked even more beautiful tonight, than I remember him being. To see him and be that close to him was so bittersweet agony. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted him. All the old thoughts and dreams I had back when we were together came crashing down on me again. The past arguments I fought with myself all seemed trivial and pathetic. Why did I fight so hard against myself? Against being happy, happier than I had thought possible.

Unsure of how long I had been sitting there, I was brought out of my thoughts by heavy banging on the door. Sighing, I got off the couch and went to answer the door, wishing the person would just fuck off and leave me alone. I checked my appearance in the hall mirror and was shocked to see tears streaming down my face. I hadn't even realised that I had been crying. I quickly wiped them away and took several deep breaths to try and calm myself.

Opening the front door I found Tanya on the other side. Could my night get any more fucking perfect?

I could see her mouth moving but I had no idea what she was saying. All I wanted was for her to just piss off and leave me alone, but with my luck tonight that wasn't going to happening any time soon.

Tanya's whinny voice broke through my silent anguish. "Edward, what the hell is going on? How dare you treat me like this? You have been nothing but rude and ungrateful tonight. Why did you go running after him? Who and what is he to you? But most of all, how FUCKING dare you leave me standing there looking like an idiot?"

ARRGGH! I really am on the verge of killing Tanya, the whiny bitch was getting on my last nerve. "Tanya could you just shut the fuck up. Your whining is really fucking annoying."

"How dare you speak to me like that Edward, I have done everything for you and this is how you treat me. I even had to talk to your sister, when she and the rest of her party came out of the restaurant looking for the guy you ran after. You know how I feel about her, but you left me there anyway."

"No Tanya, you haven't done anything for me. You have fought tooth and nail to get me to do things you want me to do but you have never listened to a damn thing I have wanted. I don't know how you got to where you are in this industry, but it wouldn't surprise me if you did everyone in the industry to get it." I growled at her, letting my musings from earlier come out. "Your nagging and bitching about my career choices is completely unbeneficial to our WORKING relationship." I severely over emphasised the word working. "Actually Tanya I think that now, given your disapproval for my next project, that this would be the perfect time for us to go our separate ways. You want things from me that I can't and won't give you. EVER!"

"You can't do this to me, Edward. If you break the contract I will make your life a living hell. I will let it break about the project you start on Monday." She hissed at me.

"You do that Tanya and I will have everything you own now and for the next thirty years of your life."

To say Tanya was shocked at what I just said would be a gross understatement. Her eyes bulged and her mouth kept opening and closing. I started to laugh, it seems the bitch didn't read the contract fully when she signed it. I couldn't believe she would be so fucking stupid that she hadn't had someone look at it before she signed. At the time I had thought she had gotten the contract back to me awfully quickly. It seemed that she had been so eager to sign me that she hadn't looked at the contract. Shit, Alice had the contract drawn up herself years ago when she became my publicist, she had said that even though she was my sister she wanted up to have an iron clad contract between us just like everyone else in the industry. So when I signed with Tanya, I told her that I wanted her to sign the same contract I had with Alice. Apparently, Tanya thought that my contract with Alice would have been lax on certain details because of our family connection.

HA, the joke is all on her.

"There is no way that the contract says anything like that."

"Why do you think that?" I asked, curious to see if I was right.

"Because there is no way you would have had that sort of contract between you and your sister."

Laughter started to bubble up inside of me. "My God, Tanya you really are pathetically stupid. Alice was the one who drew up the contract, she had a lawyer with her when she did, then she made me go to another lawyer to get it looked over. My lawyer was extremely impressed with the document, it seems that our contract was the best he had ever seen and iron clad for both of us. Even our parents were surprised at the depth of the document that Alice had put together. Alice had told us that even though we were brother and sister it needed to be a professional relationship between us when it came to our working together and that this was the best way to go about it."

"But you guys split nearly three years ago. What has she given up because of it?"

It seemed that Tanya was trying to find a way around the contract and was fishing for a way out by asking about Alice's exit.

"The reason Alice and I split our working relationship had nothing to do with work, it was a personal matter. We both thought it would be better if we weren't working together any more."

"Well that worked out swimmingly for you, didn't it? You haven't talked to your sister in all the time I have been your publicist. You need me Edward, you have no one else."

"That is for me to worry about Tanya. Nothing about me concerns you any more."

Suddenly it felt as if Mars and Mercury had been removed from my shoulders, it wasn't much, but I felt lighter.

"Edward you won't get anywhere in this business if you don't have me looking after you. You need me."

It seemed that Tanya was now doing a major back pedal. Without her connection to me she had nothing, she had alienated everyone else in the industry with her actions. I wasn't going to give in, not with her.

Grabbing Tanya's upper arm I walked her to the front door, opened it and pushed her out of my house.

"Go home and read the contract all the way through, you will see that you do not have a legal leg to stand on. I want you out of my life Tanya, starting right now. If you ever see me anywhere, I want you to pretend you don't see me. If for some reason in the future we have to communicate it will be work related only and done with the fewest words possible. Now get the fuck off my property before I call the cops."

"But Edward..." Her words were cut off as I slammed the door in her face. It felt great doing that to her.

The last few hours crashed done on me like a ton of bricks. I staggered back to the couch, grabbed another cigarette. As I watched the red embers move down the stick, I contemplated whether or not I was doing the right thing. As much as I wanted Jasper back, how far was I willing to go?

Was I finally willing to give Jasper everything he deserved?

Would he accept what I could offer him?

As much or as little as I was able to?

But the most important thing was what Jasper was going to say on Monday when he saw me.

Suddenly, I was off the couch. I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Tears streamed down my face, as it finally hit me, I would be seeing Jasper on Monday and I wasn't ready for any of it.

All I could think about was how this was the first time I had wanted a movie to be delayed for any reason, silly or otherwise. As much as I wanted Monday to come, I wanted it to never arrive.

I have never been more conflicted in my life.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: A HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who have stuck with the story after it's long hiatus. Updates will be a lot more regular, I won't give a direct time line but I am hoping for at least once a month, if not sooner.**

**A shout out to the wonderful dtav for her amazing wand waving to get this story postable, and to NisaCullen and Mynameisserendipity, who's encouragement and questions led this chapter to be what it is.**

**And a snuggle hug to my lil sis who made me a banner for this story, check it out on my author page.**

**I know all of you were hoping that we would be getting to Jasper this chapter, but Alice wanted to be heard instead, so here she is. (Sorry for the epic AN)**

Chapter Thirteen

Alice's POV

Arriving at the family home, I noticed that Edward had already arrived for the weekly family dinner. I was so fucking pissed at him right now. How dare he think that he could come up and talk to Jasper at the restaurant. He had no right to think that all could be forgiven so easily, not with Rose, or me, and certainly not with Jasper.

When I think back to the times I had gone to Seattle to visit, I realise that Jasper had never returned to the same man he was before the end of his relationship with my brother. I remember the phone call I got from Rose when she told me that Jasper was seeing someone. She had been so happy that her brother had finally moved on, but she had also shared with me her fears. It seemed that Jasper's behaviour still had her worried. She was concerned that he was only going through the motions and was not really involved in the relationship. When I hung up from that phone call, I wanted to find Edward and ring his neck. Even after all this time, Edward was still ruining Jasper's chance at happiness.

It seems that Edward was still trying to stop Jasper from moving forward, from finding someone to spend the rest of his life with. I couldn't, and wouldn't, let him do that to Jasper again. He needed to let him go. If he was so afraid of people finding out that he was gay, then he had no say in what, or who, Jasper did.

Walking into the house, I could hear the parents in the kitchen joking and teasing each other. If they were being that playful, then it meant that Edward was nowhere near them. So, I knew to go looking in the one place that Edward spent most of his time when he was in this house. Walking down towards the music room, I could hear the piano. The music was haunting and beautiful. It must be an original because it was something that I had never heard before. As I opened the door, the music became more intense, passionate and achingly heart breaking.

As I waited for Edward to finish playing, I started to wonder what Edward was thinking when he wrote this piece. Listening more intently, I realised that it was about Edward and, knowing my brother as well as I do, I knew that he was in pain, so much pain. The pain was mostly about Jasper, but I could sense there was a lot more to it, he was also lost.

The music came to a stop. Edward turned to look at me, and there was blankness in his eyes. The blankness had been a part of him for so long, but it seemed to be getting worse. This was something I now realised had been there for so long and it was getting worse. He continued to stare at me, waiting for me to say something.

"Stay away from him, Edward. You have done enough damage. Don't contact him; don't talk to him if you happen to see him. Let him go. You need to live your life the way you choose, let him do the same." The fire I had felt earlier was gone but I still needed to say this to him.

He nodded, and then left the room with his shoulders slumped. I felt like I had just kicked a puppy.

Following Edward back toward the kitchen, I said hello to our parents. They had both noticed that Edward and I had come from the same direction. Dad looked at Edward and saw the look on his face.

"Alice, what the hell..."

"Dad, don't," Edward said quietly.

"But Edward, she must of..."

"Let it go Dad. She was right in what she said." He pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket before heading outside.

All three of us knew that Edward only smoked when he was stressed beyond any other means of stress relief.

Mom sighed, "I thought that he would have quit again by now. Has he talked to either of you about what is bothering him?"

Dad shook his head.

"How long has he been smoking again?" I asked.

"I can't believe that you are only just realising that Edward is smoking. You used to take so much of an interest in your brother's life. But then he was paying you to, so I guess that explains it," my mother said as tears ran down her face.

Her words cut deeply, but there was truth to her words. It wasn't because of the money that I used to be so involved in Edward's life, it was because he was my brother, and I loved him and only wanted the best for him. Edward's actions against Jasper were inexcusable, but I should have listened to his concerns and fears.

Dad gathered Mom into his arms, rubbed circles on her back and whispered something in her ear that made her nod her head and wipe the tears away. It had to be deadly serious for Mom to speak like that and for Dad not to make some comment about her using those words.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had been so angry with Edward for what he did to Jasper, that I didn't even begin to consider what this had done to him.

Watching Edward, while the family was seated around the table chatting before dinner, I finally started to notice all the differences about him. Oh, on the outside he still looked like him, but there was something off in the way he interacted with us. It was just like Mum had said, but having been so caught up in being supportive of Jasper, I hadn't noticed just how unhappy he really was. He spoke very little, just watching us almost from the outside of this family. He looked lost, like he shouldn't be here.

"How did dinner go with your out of town guests?" Esme, my mother, asked.

I noticed Edward lean forward slightly, all of a sudden taking a little bit more interest in the conversation around him.

"It was good," I replied.

Emmett snorted at my answer. "It was better than good, I met the future Mrs. Emmett Cullen."

Smiling at Emmett's enthusiasm, I had heard all of this before. I had received a phone call the day after the dinner from a very excited Emmett. He was like a little boy who had just gotten the best gift ever. Emmett raved about how beautiful Rose was, how she made him feel, how he was going to marry her one day. They had made a lovely couple that night but Emmett didn't know about Rose's past. He was going to have to work long and hard to get Rose to open up to him, to date him. I was a little worried, as Emmett was known for giving up sometimes when the going got too tough.

Looking at Edward as Emmett continued to talk about Rosalie, I saw the haunted look that flashed in his eyes. I may not have talked with Edward since his despicable treatment of Jasper, but I still loved him and was worried about him.

Seeing him with Tanya the other night, I could tell that she had been stretching his patience to the breaking point. Even before she became his publicist, she had chased after him wanting him to be with her. Edward hadn't really noticed that fact but I had. She was always turning up wherever he was, always touching him, sometimes inappropriately. I had caught her once trying to undress Edward in a bedroom at a party when he had been too drunk to really notice.

Tanya was a vapid bitch and I hated that she was the one looking after Edward's career. She was one of the toughest in the business, but I really had to wonder how she became so successful. I wonder what she did, or who she did, more to the point, to get where she is.

Maybe I should talk to him, see how everything is going. Edward always talked to me about things more than anyone else in the family. I know he would be over thinking things; it was what he has always done. His over thinking is more than likely what made him run from Jasper. If he had just waited until the morning and talked to me, things might have come to a different conclusion.

Looking back, I realised my treatment of Edward when it all went down was not very sisterly of me, but I was so fucking angry; angry at what he did to Jasper, he didn't deserve to be treated that way; angry with Edward for throwing away the best thing to happen to him. Mostly, I was angry with Edward for denying himself the truth, for being a coward and hiding behind his job and his reputation. I hate that he is so caught up in being what he thinks everyone else wants him to be instead of just being himself. I miss the brother I had before fame came and changed him into the hollow man seated before me.

Edward's body became slightly animated in front of my eyes, and I refocused my attention to what was being said around me. Emmett mentioned Jasper's name and a flicker of life returned to Edward's eyes, and I wondered if anyone else noticed it. Probably not, as I was the only one who knew what Jasper meant to him.

I had always thought that I was perceptive to what was going on around me but, in my initial anger at Edward, I lost sight of my own brother and what he had to be going through. This left him with no one to talk to, no one to confide in.

Fuck!

When the conversation moved on to other things, I watched Edward withdraw back into himself. He went to light another cigarette.

"Edward, please not at the table, I am about to serve dinner," Mom said.

"Sorry," he mumbled, before leaving the patio table.

"Wow," Emmett said, as we all watched Edward walk away. "Has anyone figured out what the hell is going on with Eddie?"

Shaking my head, I opened my mouth to also reply negatively.

"Don't you fucking lie, Alice, I know you know something about what is going on with him. You might not want to help him, but I do. So cough up what you know before our brother kills himself from smoking as much as he has been lately."

"Have you ever thought that if Edward wanted you to know what was going on, he would have told you?" Alice hissed at him.

"Alice, just how much do you know about what is going on with your brother?" my mother asked, in a tone that suggested lying would be futile.

Not sure of how to answer her without telling them something that I knew only Edward should tell them, I hesitated.

"Alice?" my father spoke up this time. Apparently I had been silent longer then they would have liked, but not long enough if you ask me.

Still not sure on how exactly to answer, I replied, "Yes, I know some of what is going on. No, I can't tell you as it isn't my thing to tell. But if it will make you all happier, I will go talk to him."

"It is nice to know that you will finally step up to the plate, Alice, before whatever it is kills our brother. You could have stopped this long before now, but you had to let your pride get in the way and stop you from helping him out. God, you won't even tell us why you stopped being his publicist. All we got out of Edward was that it was your choice, and we had to respect your decision." Emmett was getting louder and more frustrated as he spoke.

"Emmett, honey, could you please lower your voice? Edward is looking this way and I don't want him to hear what you and Alice are saying. He has withdrawn from life enough, and I don't want him to disappear all together. If things don't improve soon... I don't know what I am going to do," Esme's voice hitched with emotion.

The more I heard my family talk, the more I knew I had fucked up. I had left my brother out to dry with absolutely no one to confide in, no one to support him, no one who knew who he really was. My brother and I had been best friends and I didn't even stop to hear his side of the story. Leaving the table, I walked over to where Edward was smoking.

Standing next to Edward, I waited for him to acknowledge me, but there was nothing. As I lifted my hand to place it on his arm, he took a step away from me. It hurt, but I doubt it came anywhere close to the pain I had caused him.

"Edward, I..."

"I get it, Alice, I will stay away from him." I could see that something was troubling him more than normal. Was the knowledge that Jasper would be in town for the next several months going to spiral him further downwards?

"Edward..." I tried again to talk to him.

"Leave it. There is nothing else for us to say to each other. You made your choice known years ago, and I have accepted it, so just let anything you were going to say to me go. I am tired, Alice, so after dinner you can have the family to yourself."

"Edward..."

He put his hand up to stop me before walking away. When he told me he was tired, it seemed to be the absolute truth as I have never seen him this tired in my life. Edward seemed decades older as he left me. He shoulders were slumped, his head hanging low and he barely lifted his feet as he walked.

I stood where Edward had left me, cursing myself for my treatment of him over the last few years. So caught up in my thoughts, I jumped when Mom placed her hand on my arm.

"Alice?" she asked gently.

Shaking my head I said, "Mom, I got nothing."

She sighed sadly, "Dinner is ready."

Following her back to the table, I noticed that the only empty chair was the furthest away from Edward. The dinner conversation was just general talk, everyone stayed away from any topic that would cause Edward discomfort.

It was getting late, and Edward had commented that he would be going soon as he had script reading the next day. That's when Dad brought up Tanya.

"Edward, before you go, I just thought that I should tell you that I received a phone call from Tanya on Friday. She's very worried about you," dad stated.

"I got a similar phone call on Friday, too," Emmett commented.

"It seems that Tanya is worried about your mental health. She stated that you were acting strange at the restaurant on Thursday night and you left her there after you spoke to some guy. Then, when she showed up at your house, you yelled at her and fired her from her job as your publicist," dad said quietly.

Emmett nodded his head, indicating that Tanya had said the same thing to him, and then he added, "She asked me if, as your brother and a doctor, I thought that you should be placed in a wellness center until you were deemed mentally stable again."

All our eyes were fixed on Edward as we waited for him to comment.

"Yes, I fired Tanya. How long was I supposed to work with someone who was more interested in the money I made for him or her then they were in me? Oh, and there was the fact that she continually flirted and made inappropriate passes at me. She dresses like a slut, which isn't good for her image, and it reflected badly for me every time we were in public together. She was an embarrassment," he replied a little heatedly.

"What are you going to do about publicity for the movie you are about to start?" Mom asked.

Edward shrugged. "That's the another thing, when I first told Tanya that I was interested in doing this movie months ago, she threw a hissy fit telling me that I would be damaging my career. I told her that I was sick of the safe roles she was encouraging me to do, and that I wanted to go outside my comfort zone and try something that would get people talking. If this role changes the views of at least one person, then I will be extremely happy. When she wouldn't shut up about the role, I told her that I was going to be taking a holiday instead. That caused a big stink. Tanya thought that if I took a holiday, people would forget who I was, that the best thing for me to do was to continue working. It was the best for both us."

When he finished, silence reigned.

Getting up to leave the table, Edward commented, "After this movie is in the bag, I will be taking time off. I need to re-evaluate my life and what I want from it."

Edward went to hug Mom and Dad, and slapped Emmett on the shoulder before leaving the room.

I was invisible to Edward and it hurt like hell. It was my own fault for the way I felt, I should have been there for him. Maybe I can be now.

"I'll talk to Edward during the week and suggest to him my being his publicist for the duration of this movie, longer if need be, until he knows what he wants to do, or until he finds another publicist," I told the family.

"Wow, that is big of you Alice," Emmett stated with sarcasm. " I love you sis, but I hate your treatment of Edward. This may be too little way too fucking late."

With that comment, he too hugged the parents, but this time I was included as he kissed the top of my head.

"Fix it," Emmett whispered before he left.

Looking at my parents, I saw that they felt the same way as Emmett.

Hugging them, I too leave, my mind plagued with doubts over my harshness towards Edward. I had never gotten his side of the story.

TBC.

**AN2: Jasper is talking though not all of it makes sense so if anyone has any thing they want answered or anything else, feel free to drop me a line. Hopefully Jasper will answer them, in a way we can all understand LOL. **


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: A huge thank you to Mynameisserendipity and NisaCullen for their never ending patience with me while I struggle with this chapter and where the boys are trying to take me.**  
**And to dtav for beta'ing this for me and making it into what you are reading now.**  
**Hugs to all for your work and advice.**  
**Congratulations to Mynameisserendipity on the birth of her beautiful baby boy born December 30**

Chapter 14 

Jasper's POV

Seeing Edward again at the restaurant should have been a big enough warning, but I didn't take much notice. Boy, what a fucking fool I was.

Friday, I went to the studio to catch up with the studio boss, director and producers and they were all as eager and excited as me that this project was about to get started. We laughed and joked as we sat down to a catered lunch. I ate little as my nerves were more on edge as the days got closer to pre-production.

They had me at a loss when they started talking about the actors who would be starring in the movie. I was afraid to say much as it would lead them to know my ignorance when it came to the entertainment world.

When I heard the name Edward Cullen being mentioned, I couldn't help but frown. It couldn't be! He wasn't an actor, or was he? I knew that he was uncomfortable mentioning what he did for a job, but why did he feel that he couldn't talk to me about it? Everyone seemed so excited to have him working on the movie, and they even mentioned that this highly sought after actor had come to them to be on this project.

Deciding to let my ignorance show, I asked them who he was. To say they were shocked would have been an understatement. The director, Aro, thought it would be best if I waited until Monday to find out who he was.

Should I have taken that as another warning? Looking back, I probably should have.

Leaving the studio late that afternoon, I went home to talk to Rosalie to see if she could tell me a bit about the actors that were going to be in the movie.

I found Rosalie sitting on the window seat staring out, but it didn't seem like she was focused on anything. Seeing her like that put my worries on the back burner. She hadn't been like this in a long time, and I had thought that she was over episodes like this.

Going to the fridge, I grabbed a bottle of wine, two glasses and went back to where Rose was situated. I touched her arm lightly, so not to freak her out, before I took her hand in mine and led her to the couch. Moving toward the couch appeared to have broken Rose out of whatever head space she had previously been in, and she smiled weakly at me.

Opening the wine, I poured her a glass then handed it to her. Rose surprised me by drinking the whole thing in one go, so I refilled her glass.

"Rosalie?" I asked in a worried tone.

"It's okay Jasper, I haven't slipped backwards, I'm just confused, nervous, excited and more than a little nauseous," she answered with a little giggle at the end.

Lifting an eyebrow to show my surprise at her response, I moved my hand to show my interest for her to continue.

"Emmett," she said whimsically. "I never thought I would ever feel anything for a man ever again. But, Emmett makes me want to. In fact, he already does. I feel like a little girl with a forbidden crush on an older man."

I had to smile at her terminology as she was acting like a giddy little school girl.

"Just thinking about him makes me tingle," she sighed wistfully. "I want to get to know him, and I want to take that chance and see if I can be a normal girl."

"Rose, you are a normal girl, you just had a horrible, shitty experience. But you are going to have to be truthful with Emmett because he needs to know why things are going to have to be different to what he is used to. Can you please promise me that you will tell him? And promise me that you will take it slow and talk to either me or Alice or even Emmett if you feel comfortable talking about that with him?"

"I promise baby brother," she responded almost shyly.

We spent the next hour talking about her excitement and fears. It was wonderful to see my sister with a light in her eyes that I hadn't seen in years. Maybe there would be hope for one of us.

Pouring us each another glass of wine, I figured now was a good a time as any to talk to her about the actors in the movie.

"I need to ask you something," I rushed this out as I didn't know how else to start.

She nodded. "You know you can ask me anything."

"Well, it would be a case of putting your years of reading gossip mags to the test." Her face lit up at this. "I need you to tell me who each actor is and what they are best known for."

"Hang on one second Jas, let me get some of my latest mags so I can hopefully put a face to the names for you." Rosalie ran off to her room.

After a few minutes, I started to wonder what was taking her so long. While she had been gone I could hear paper being ripped.

"How many magazines are you bringing me? There aren't that many main characters," I called out.

"Coming now," she yelled out just before she walked back into the lounge room with a stack of entertainment magazines.

We spent the rest of the night eating take out, drinking wine and talking about the actors who were going to be in the movie. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't bring myself to ask Rose if Edward Cullen was who I thought it was for I was so afraid that my assumptions would be correct.

Friday night I went to bed with a nice buzz going from the alcohol I had drunk with Rose. All thoughts that Edward Cullen could be the Edward Cullen who was going to be playing a major role in the movie were non-existent. Pity I couldn't say that about the rest of the weekend as I spent it trying to figure out why my mind wanted to it to be him.

By Sunday I was a nervous wreck, I kept staring at the bottles of alcohol stacked in the bar. Several times I had gotten up to pour myself a drink or five but I knew that having a hangover on Monday would not have been the best idea, especially if I was going to be face to face with him.

I finally gave in to my need to know just who the Edward Cullen was about 4am Monday morning. As I waited for my computer to start up, I put the kettle on. My eyes kept reverting to my computer screen as I watched it go through its warm up. It was ready before the kettle. Holding myself together, I made a mug of hot tea before finally sitting down in front of the screen.

Taking a deep breath I typed in Edward Cullen and almost instantly results popped up. I clicked on the IMDb link. There, on the computer screen, was my worst nightmare. Everything I wanted to know about him as an actor, and everything else he had hidden from me during those short times we had together was there for my perusal.

Why hadn't he told me?

What was he afraid would happen if he had told me who he was?

I know we hadn't been together long but didn't he trust me, even a little, to let me into that part of his life? But, in his defense, I hadn't asked too many questions either. It was hard too ask him anything after seeing his reaction to the few I did ask about his past. Oh, he willing talked about his family but what he did outside that was an untouchable subject.

After consuming all the information on that website, I went to Wikipedia which was more giving in its information on who, what, when, where and the how of his life. It gave a list of all the women he had supposedly been with, although there seemed to have been a lack of them in the last few years. The rumours on the site were that he was romantically involved with his publicist Tanya, and I recognised her as the skank from the restaurant the other night.

Looking at a list of his previous movies and the ones that were apparently in pre-production, there was not even one mention of his involvement in _Coming Out Undead_. I knew that the Wikipedia site was updated by the average person so if he had wanted the information kept a secret then it made sense that I wouldn't find it on this site.

Going back to IMDb, I looked up _Coming Out Undead_ to see what that site had to say about the movie. The site had a list of all the actors who would be playing each character and I was surprise to see that next to the character Cory there was a blank space with a note saying that so far no one had been cast in the part or if they had it was being kept a guarded secret.

The more I searched him online, the more confused I became. Part of me understood why he hid this part of himself from me, self preservation and all that, but for the most part I was beyond pissed at him. Even in our short time together I believed he had thought more of me than just a passing fling and as a result, I had told him things that I had never told anyone before. Opening myself up, I allowed him to see the me I always wanted to be, but couldn't be while I had been with my parents, the person I was just starting to be when we spent that time together in Seattle.

Trapped inside my thoughts, my emotions were changing with each renewed memory that I had tried to keep buried since our time together. Between each blissful reminder of our past, hot fingers of pain and heartache careened through me, never letting me forget what he had done.

Morning sunlight began to fill the apartment letting me know that Monday had arrived. As I watched the light creep across the counter tops, I tried to control the myriad of emotions that threatened to over power me.

Coffee.

Shaking my head to clear away the last of these thoughts, I noticed Rosalie standing beside me placing a mug of coffee in front of me. I could tell by the look on her face that she had seen what was on the computer screen.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked me softly.

"You knew?" Answering her question with one of my own I waited for her response.

She nodded. "From the first day he showed up in Seattle."

"Why didn't you tell me? Hell, why didn't he tell me?"

"When I asked him if he was going to tell you, his reply was that he wanted to know if you were going to be with him for him and not for who he was. I tried to tell him that you weren't into the whole movie watching thing, but he wanted to find out for himself. He made sense at the time but I should have known better though, he was too good for words. And someone like him isn't going to let it get out that he was gay. Guess I got blinded by the hype that had been written about him and even I will admit it that the guy is hot. But deep down, he is just like every other male out there, afraid of what people might think of them." Rose was getting louder the more she spoke.

"While I do kind of understand why he didn't tell me at the start, towards the end of our time together in Seattle I really thought that we had come to mean something to each other, maybe have even started to fall in love. I think I may have already been in love with him by the time he left, I mean, I never cared about what he did for a living, that is why I never pushed him to find out," I spoke quietly.

"You have a kind heart, Jasper, and he stomped all over it. You have become hard because of him. If you hadn't, things might have worked out between you and Seth," she pointed out.

"Rose, Seth was never going to be the one for me, even if you and I had wished it had turned out differently. Or he might have been if I met him first, but even then I doubt it. There was something about Edward that drew me to him and I have never felt it before or since," I sighed.

"So what made you look up Edward Cullen?"

"The name was mentioned the other day when I was at the studio. They were all so excited about having him as the lead and shocked that he had come to them for the part. I wanted to ask you who he was when I came home, but for some reason I was afraid to find out. What I think was that I already knew that HE was who they were talking about," I explained.

"So, Edward is going to be playing Cory. How do you feel about that?"

"It has me stumped as to why he would want to play the part. Why would he want to play a gay on screen if he can't be truthful about being gay in real life?" I queried.

"I thought you understood why he wouldn't, couldn't, hasn't come out?"

"Well, I do to a point, but he hadn't even come out to his family. Alice was the only one that knew and I have a feeling that she found out by accident," I replied.

"Are you going to be okay working with him every day?"

I shrugged, I didn't even want to think about that right now.

"Listen, I want you to stay away from him." I glared at her but she continued. "Don't look at me like that, he isn't good for you, Jasper. He will some how worm his way back in and it will only lead to more heartache for you. If he can't come out to his parents then there is no way that he can give you any sort of commitment."

When she stopped talking, I opened my mouth to comment but never got the chance.

"Let me finish," she said hastily. "Yes, I can understand why he feels it's hard to come out to the public but he will never be able to commit if he can't even come out to the people who love him. I spoke about this with Alice years ago, and she couldn't understand either why he wouldn't tell their parents. She said that they were very open minded. Jasper, I don't want you to get caught up in his shit again, it won't be healthy for either of you."

"Rosalie, I am old enough to look after myself and to make my own decisions. But, I do have to agree with you to a point, as in, I don't see him changing either. So I will keep my distance, don't worry about that." I left the chair and hugged my sister. "Now I need to go have a shower and get ready for the first day in the next installment of my life."

Giving her a forced cheeky grin with a wink before heading off to the bathroom, I was so screwed. I did agree with some of what she said, but there were things she didn't know and since I couldn't even understand them in my own mind, how was I ever going to tell her what I was going on.

Edward Cullen, the man not the actor, made me feel things that I had never known possible, things I would love to be able to feel every day for the rest of my life with him. But I know that it will never be possible and I can only hope that I will be lucky enough to experience twice in one lifetime.

Finishing my shower, I returned to my room with my towel around my waist, not concerned with shaving. As I looked in the closet at my clothes, I couldn't help but think about wearing something that would make Edward sit up and take notice, make him sweat.

Choosing my black jeans, that I had been told on many occasions make my ass look hot, and a black shirt, I topped the outfit off with a grey jacket. Rose had always said that when I wore grey it brought out the grey in my eyes. After one final look in the mirror, I left my room.

Rosalie whistled as I walked into the kitchen.

"Trying to get someone's attention?"

"What?"

"That is some outfit you have on, Jasper."

"So? I am just trying to make a good impression for my first day."

Rosalie just looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Okay, so what if my first day outfit makes an impression on someone. It will just show him what he is missing out on."

Rose started laughing hysterically. I stood back, folded my arms across my chest and glared. Finally she started to calm down.

"What was so fucking funny?"

"I'm sorry, Jasper. You just reminded me of some of the airhead conversations that I used to hear back in high school."

"Look at me, he is so going to notice me in this outfit. It's like yesterday, he just kept looking at me. He wants to be with me but he feels sorry for his loser girlfriend," Rose spoke like a true airhead voice, while bouncing around like a complete idiot.

The look on my face set her off laughing again. Thinking back to what I had said before she started laughing, I realised what had set her off. It did sound a little airheadish when I thought about it.

"Bitch," I said softly before joining her.

Eventually we both settled down. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, my computer off the table and the notes I had made over the weekend, I put everything in my bag. Staring at the door, I couldn't move. The thought of what I was about to venture into was overwhelming, and knowing that I was going to be seeing Edward again, I started to hyperventilate.

Rose walked up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed me on the cheek before whispering "It will be okay, baby bro."

"I can do this. I can do this. I can't do this."

"Yes, you can. Look at how far you have come over the last four years. What the parents did was down right shitty, but you have become a worldwide success with your first book which is being turned into an eagerly anticipated movie. You are living the life you want. You are giving the parents and their pathetic lives the big old fucking finger. You won, Jasper. If you can defeat their hold on you, you can achieve anything. Add this success to your others and nail anyone who ever doubted you or stopped you from being who you were meant to be."

I turned around and hugged my sister tightly to my chest, she had always been my biggest supporter and I know that I wouldn't be what I am today without her being in my life.

"Your new motto for now is... Fuck 'em. If they can't accept you the way you are then they are not worth it and you certainly don't need them. So what is your new motto?" Rosalie asked with a smile.

"Fuck 'em," I said quietly before smiling. "Fuck 'em," I yelled laughing.

"Now go get 'em tiger." Rosalie spun me around and pushed me towards the front door.

"Hey Rose, thank you, but you do know that you are nuts, right?" Laughing, I ran out of the apartment and I heard something hit the door.

As I walked out of the building, my phone beeped, it was a message from Rosalie. 'I will get you for that... Ring me if you need anything.'

I messaged back. 'Thanks nutty.'

My phone beeped again. 'Just you wait ….. remember when we were younger and what I used to do to you.' I shivered as I remembered the times she had managed to pin me down and rough me up.

Looking up from my phone, I saw the town car that the studio had organised for me to use around town while I was here. The driver was already standing by the car with the door open for me, it was still something that took a lot to get used to. This was more the style my parents lived in, neither Rose or I ever got used to it.

As the car pulled away from side walk, it led me to my future and one part of my past I have never been able to reconcile. Edward was my biggest success and even bigger failure. I thought that he was my soul mate, boy did I get that wrong.

Spending the next three months watching him bring my book to life was to be a testament to how the last several years have changed me when it comes to letting anyone in my life. A valuable lesson had been learnt when he left, and I wasn't going to repeat that mistake.

The closer we got to the studio, the more my stomach clenched. I couldn't figure out if it was in anticipation of seeing my book come to life or from the anxiety of knowing that I was going to have to see Him again nearly everyday for the next few months. Either way, I had to get control and numb myself from feeling my old emotions when it came to Him.

My mind was once again racing with thoughts and possibilities of what the next few months would bring, so I hadn't noticed that we had reached the entrance to the movie studio lot.

Fuck! I wasn't ready for this. There hadn't been enough time since I found out I would be facing Edward everyday, and I needed time to get used to the knowledge of him being back in my life. And, by the looks of things, not just in my work life. If things work out between Rose and Emmett then he or the presence of him will be in my personal life as well. Generally, I liked Emmett from the time I had spent with him at the restaurant. He was kind and funny and if he could bring Rose back to the generous, loving and carefree woman she had been before the rape then I was all for supporting her kindling relationship with him.

The driver pulled the car up in front of one of the buildings on the lot, got out of the car and opened the door before I had even had a chance to push my less than calm emotions out of the way. Stepping out of the car, it was then that I noticed Alice standing off to the side. Was she waiting for me or her brother?

"Hey, Alice, what has you here this early in the morning?" I inquired.

"Hi, Jas, I will have you know that I have already had a breakfast meeting this morning. I am usually up and on the go by five thirty every morning. For, unfortunately, this look isn't natural, it takes a little time," she replied with a smile.

"Are you here to see me this morning or..." I never finished, but she knew what I was asking.

"Both of you actually. After I found out that Edward fired Tanya as his publicist on Thursday night after they left the restaurant, I decided I was going to offer my assistance for this one movie while he sorts out finding another one."

"That is nice of you, Alice. You should never have stopped being his publicist in the first place."

I knew why she had done what she had and I was touched that she would go that far for me but family is family and she should have been able to do her job and keep the personal stuff separate.

"Jasper, can I ask you a question? It is kind of personal," Alice asked.

"You can ask and then I will decide if I will answer it or not," I responded.

"Jasper, why did you never go after him?" Alice queried.

I opened my mouth to answer but froze as I noticed who rounded the corner and was walking towards us.

TBC 


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: A huge thank you to Mynameisserendipity and Nisa Cullen for their help with this chapter when I had my doubts about whether I was getting the emotions right. Their encouragement means the world to me. Thank you. **  
**Thank you to Mrs. Agget for stepping in and taking the time beta this to make it readable. You rock.**  
**Hugs to you all x x**

Chapter 15

Edward's POV

"Jasper, why did you never go after him?" I heard Alice ask.

I couldn't let him respond, I wanted to know but I was terrified to hear the answer. This had to stop, so I decided to make myself known to them.

"Alice, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to talk to you and since I didn't know your new address, I thought I would come here to see you," she replied.

"And how did you know that I was going to be here?"

After last night, I would have assumed that she had gotten the idea that she had no right to butt into my life after all this time. I guess my assumptions were wrong once again. Why can't she just stay the fuck out of my life?

"I …. um … spoke to Tanya," Alice answered quickly.

"You had no fucking right to talk to that crazy bitch. You didn't give a shit about what I was doing for the last few years, so don't bother starting now."

"Excuse me, Alice, Mr. Hale, I need to be somewhere." And with that, I headed towards the conference room we would be using this week.

On the way to the designated room, I passed the male restroom and quickly slipped inside.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I yelled into the empty room and it echoed the words back to me. My hands pulled at my hair tightly.

Maybe I shouldn't do this movie.

Maybe Aro will let me out of the contract. It's not like there are many who knew I was doing this movie. I can slip out of here and just leave; no one will care.

Maybe I should just go away; no one will notice.

Okay, maybe my parents will, but they would be the only ones. Emmett is moving on with his life and if he does end up with Rosalie, he will soon learn the truth. Once he does, he won't want to know me anymore. But when he finds out, I know that he will tell the parents, so my previous thoughts of the parents taking notice won't be an issue.

The fans will be gone. There is no way they would be interested in knowing anything about me once it is known that I am gay.

Maybe this is how it was meant to be. I do one last film in which I can truly be myself before I go out of the industry with a bang.

I just have to get through the next three months. There were things I could do to help myself to achieve this. The first would be to avoid Jasper unless absolutely necessary. Second would be to give my all to this film, for once it comes out, there won't be anymore offers. Thirdly, is to make an appointment with my doctor. These sleepless nights were slowly killing me. Lastly, I have to decide what to do once this is all over.

Standing in front of the mirror, I saw a pale face with dark purple circles around the eyes. My hair was standing up in every direction, thanks to my hands carding through it. Fuck. I looked half dead, although that could be a good thing considering the movie I was about to make.

Ten minutes later, I finally arrived in the conference room. My body noticed Jasper almost immediately. Aro came over to me, slapped me on the back, and said that it was good to see me again.

Smiling, I take a seat at the opposite side and end of the table from the source of my excitement and nerves. God, he still takes my breath away. I was the biggest fool in the world for walking away from him. My damn pride will be the cause of my lonely death.

Aro is talking, telling everyone what is to be expected of us during this week and then outlining the schedule of filming over the next twelve weeks. It was also detailed on the paper in front of us. The next hours was sort of a meet and greet between actors and the core production staff. Jasper and I skirted around each other until Aro came over.

"Jasper, come with me. I would like you to meet our star, Edward."

"Hello, Edward. It is nice to see you again." He held out his hand to me.

Shaking his hand, I replied, "Nice to see you too, Jasper." The tingle was still there when I touched him.

"Oh, you two know each other?" Aro asked.

Before I could say anything, Jasper replied, "Yes, our sisters are friends. They have spent a lot of time together over the last four years or so. I only met Edward for the first time the other night."

Fuck! That was a shot to the heart. I had never expected him to say that. But I guess I deserved it after leaving him all those years ago. Not to mention the lying about who I was.

The rest of the week consisted of reading through the script, talking about what Jasper was hoping us actors to get out to the public in more than just words, revising the script if it didn't quite work out once everyone had read their parts. I did my part, never offering suggestions as I didn't want to upset Jasper in any way. Aro kept pushing me to enter the discussions and mini debates that went on around the table. I spoke as little as possible.

Once filming started, it became a little easier to avoid to Aro and to stay out of Jasper's way.

Three weeks into production, Aro finally caught up with me. I had been avoiding him, although not as much as I had been Jasper. Partly because if you saw one you usually saw the other one as well. He had been trying to talk to me for the last week or so, finally catching up with me at the end of the day in my trailer.

"Edward, buddy, I am a little worried about you, and so are some of the others on set. You aren't your usual self and people are starting to worry about you. The wardrobe manager has told me that she has had to take your clothes in twice since your first fitting. I can see that you aren't sleeping, either. This has to stop, Edward, before you make yourself sick."

Opening my mouth to respond, Aro cut me off before I could say anything.

"As today is Thursday, I want you to take tomorrow and the weekend off and rest, sleep as much as you can, and please, for god's sake, eat something. Don't make me call Alice."

"Don't threaten me with Alice. She won't care, so you are shit out of luck on that one. But I will do what you want. I will take a long weekend."

I was actually glad that Aro was making me take the time off. Maybe I could swing by the hospital and see if Emmett could give me a script for a light sleeping tablet. Even if it meant getting a lecture about my current state of health.

Messaging Emmett, I found out that he was at our parents house. Great! I was going to have to face them, too. Oh well. I might as well get all the yelling over with all at once.

Uncertainty and anxiety have been my constant friends for the last month. I had been avoiding everyone as much as I could. Because I was doing a movie, it was easy to find excuses not to visit the family.

Being in the family home today, I could feel my anxiety grow. I needed to be here to see Emmett, but it was really the last place I wanted to be. Never before had I been afraid to see my family. If there was any other way for me to do this, and quickly, I wouldn't have stepped through the door.

Walking in to the house, it seems that I arrived just in time for dinner. Another thing to cross off Aro's list for me to do on my days off. My mother greeted me as soon as I walked in the door.

"Oh baby, it is good to see you, but what the hell have you done to yourself? You look like shit and you have lost too much weight."

"So, what's for dinner?" I asked with a failed smile on my face. Food held little interest to me, just like so many other things in my life at the moment.

"We are having a BBQ for dinner. Ribs, chicken, steak and lots of tossed salad," she said with a big smile on her face.

Arriving in the kitchen, I see dad sitting at the table and Emmett talking on his phone with a huge grin on his face, which could mean one of two things. Something good had happened at work or it had to do with a female, and considering the last time I saw him, he had been gushing over Rosalie. I can only guess that it's her he is talking to.

After another few minutes, he hangs up the phone. "Hey lil bro, what can I do for you? Your message seemed cryptic."

"Can I talk to you in the music room?"

Emmett nods his head before following me down the hall.

"So?" He asked.

"I was wondering if you could give me a prescription for a light sleeping tablet. I am having trouble falling asleep and it is becoming noticeable on screen."

"Are you having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or both?" Emmett queried. "And it looks like sleep isn't your only problem there, bro. It seems like you have lost some serious weight too. What the hell is going on, Edward?"

"Just can't fall asleep and if I do, I don't stay asleep long. I can't remember the last time I had a full night's rest. Aro has given me until Monday to rest and eat something."

"Edward, I need you to answer this next question honestly." I nodded my compliance to his request. "Are you doing any drugs that are non-prescribed?"

Shock raced through me. I can't fucking believe my own brother would ask me a question like that.

"How fucking dare you ask me a question like that? I yelled at him. "I thought you knew me better than that, but then why would you know me? You're just like Alice. You only care about yourself or what people can do for you. God forbid anyone might actually need help without strings attached."

My yelling had brought my parents into the room with us.

"Edward, you need to calm down," my father said softly.

"Fuck that!" I screamed at him. "All I asked for was a light sedative to help me sleep and he all but accuses me of taking drugs. I have never in my life taken anything that wasn't given to me by a doctor. I never thought that my own brother would ask me something like that. All I wanted was one good night's sleep. For fucks sake, this is unbelievable. So, what now Emmett, are you going to join your sister in the 'I hate Edward' fan club? I fucking knew that this was a mistake."

During my latest rant, I hadn't noticed that my father had left the room but I did notice when he came back in.

"Edward, your sister doesn't hate you," my mother spoke with conviction. "Honey, please calm down. There is no reason to get upset. You have to know that Emmett has to ask those sort of questions before he can help you."

"That's bullshit and you know it." I was starting to hyperventilate by now. "Well, Emmett, do you want a real reason to hate me? How about you, Dad? Mom? Well I will give you one and then you will never have to worry about me again. I am so fucking tired and not just physically. I am sick to death of having to hide who I am anymore. Mind you, once this movie is over, it won't matter anymore anyway."

"Edward, please calm down before you make yourself sick. You will pass out if you don't get your breathing under control," Dad said to me. "How about you let me give you something to calm you down and it will let you get some sleep."

"Forget it, Dad. According to your son, I am a drug addict and I wouldn't want you to get accused of supporting my apparent habit. Just forget I was ever here. Hell, why not forget that I was ever born? Once you find out the truth, it won't matter anyway."

"Edward, what are you talking about?" Mom inquired.

I know that I have reached the point of no return with my hysteria but everything has just become too much. I wanted things I couldn't have. My life was becoming such a joke. It was best that things had come to this. I could get it all over and done with in one go.

"What am I talking about? Gee, thanks Mom. Here I was, thinking that I was talking English, but apparently the whole time I have been talking Martian to you. Or is just that I am finally understanding the family more? It seems that none of you have ever really listened to me when I have been talking. So, what the fuck did you actually hear while I have just been speaking, huh, can you tell me that?"

"Edward, don't you dare talk to your mother like that," my father said a little forcefully.

"Like what exactly? I have been talking for the last twenty minutes and she has the gall to ask me what I am talking about, well fuck that."

While pacing the room, my movements became more erratic, my hands flaying in all directions, just like the thoughts going through my head. Nothing was making sense anymore. Why was this happening now? Just a few more months and it will all be over. Maybe that bitch Tanya was right, maybe making this movie wasn't the best idea, although not for the reasons she had been spouting.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see my father talking quietly to Emmett and my mother, before he left the room again. Well, that was fine with me. One less person who is instantly going to hate me, as I am sure as soon as my mother tells him, he will.

"Oh bro, you need to calm down. You are agitated and talking so fast that none of us are getting everything you are trying to say." Emmett's voiced sounded calm, but it irritated me that he was talking this way to me, like I was some sort of child.

"Maybe it's just the drugs that you are accusing me of taking. God forbid that it could actually be that I am tired and stressed." I saw him watching me as I continued to pace. "No, I can see that you won't believe the truth even if it was staring you in the face."

My head was throbbing and my heart was pounding in my chest. I felt faint. I wanted to throw up. Traitorously, my body was betraying me. This was all wrong. This is not where I wanted or needed to be. Family wasn't supposed to be like this. Parents were supposed to love and cherish their children. Siblings were supposed to support their brothers and sisters, tease and taunt, but always to love. But I should have known by now that that was the biggest crock of shit in the world. Just look at Alice, she she stopped talking to me after I stupidly stopped talking to Jasper. Not once did she ever ask me why I had done it, nor did she try to talk to me about it. She just immediately went and supported Jasper. Alice had even kept in contact with them all these years. Never did she contact me again.

I tried to avoid family birthday parties and Christmases with the family if I knew Alice was going to be there. In the end, Mom had told me that I had to be there, regardless. She had tried countless times to get me to talk to her about what was going on, but I would either ignore her, or if she was being stubborn about it, I would tell her to ask Alice as she was the one who started it. Childish I know, but she would drop the subject after that.

Once again, I could see them semi huddled, whispering to each other. My mother looked like she was getting upset.

"It's the only way," Emmett said loud enough for me to hear.

"I don't like it," was her harsh reply.

My parents made eye contact with each other, some message was given and received, because my mother sighed and nodded her head.

How dare they talk to each other like I am not in the room? See, I knew that I wasn't important to this family. It is all about everyone else. There were more whispers between them. Well fuck that.

"Well, it seems that once again everything is more important than me, so I am fucking out of here. Don't bother pretending to be interested in what I do anymore. The message has been received loud and clear. Mother, you now have two perfect children you can dote on, you can forget about the huge disappointment your youngest child is to the family. Alice wins after all. She gets the family and the love of my life."

"Edward, what are you talking about?" My father asked.

"As if you don't know. Hell, maybe you don't know, but it isn't important anymore. It doesn't matter. Just let me out of this room and you can go on with the rest of your lives."

I needed to get out of here before I completely lose it. My stomach was in knots, my heart was racing and my head was throbbing. The room was swaying and the floor ebbed and flowed towards me. There was nothing left for me here. I needed to make my escape while I still had some dignity left.

"Son, you are not leaving until you tell us what the hell is going on. You keep saying that Alice has won. Won what, Edward?" He inquired.

"You, the family, everything...even Ja..." my voice broke before I could say his name.

"Honey, there was never any contest. Your father and I love you both the same. Maybe if you told us what stopped you and Alice from being so close, then we could help you," Mom said.

My anger started to boil up again. "Once again, it's fucking Alice, Alice, Alice! All about Alice! Huh! What about me? Do any of you give a shit about me? Don't bother answering as we all know the answer," I ranted.

"Edward, we are trying to help you!" My mother tried to pacify me.

"That is bullshit. If you really wanted to help me, you would have done something before now. But NO! It takes someone to accuse me of taking drugs for you to give a shit. Just because I am a actor of sorts doesn't mean that I am totally into the lifestyle of drugs and debauchery. If my supposed family doesn't know me by now, then there is no hope.

"Bro, we are your family. We just want what is best for you!"

"So that is why you accused me of taking drugs?" I spat back. My emotions are at detonation point.

"I never accused you of taking drugs. I simply asked what any doctor would have asked you, if you had gone to them with the same request. Maybe you lied to me about the drugs because your behaviour and attitude right now would be a definite indication that you are using drugs," Emmett replied heatedly.

"Emmett, I can't believe you just said that to your brother," my mother said in shock.

"Don't bother. We aren't family anymore. Now let me get out of your way."

It was getting so hard to breathe. I just wanted this torment over with.

Slightly stumbling, I make my way to the door of the music room.

"You are not leaving until we deal with this, Edward," Dad said as he grabbed my arm and nodded to my ex-brother.

"Let go of me before I give you a reason to let go," I hissed at him.

"Then tell me. All night you have been saying that you have a reason for all of us to hate you. That your sister knows and that is why you aren't talking. That she has taken us away from you. You stopped that statement before I think it was meant to be stopped. So tell us, Edward. What is it you have done that is so bad that you think it will make us hate you?" My father's words held some heat in them.

I ripped my arm from his grasp. "You want a reason? I will tell you the fucking reason!" I screamed at him as I walked away.

In moving away from my father, I ended up within arm's distance of Emmett.

"Then tell us, so we can move on! I have better things to do than deal with this!" Emmett yelled at me.

"Well, God forbid we interrupt your precious time, Emmett! Why don't you just fuck off then if this is too mundane for you? But to move this long for you Emmett, here goes. I'm gay." I spat this in his face.

"What?" Came from the three people in the room, besides me.

"You fucking heard me." Then I yelled. "I'm gay! I'm a fag! I am in love with a man!"

Everything I had been bottling inside me spewed forth. I laughed. I cried. My knees gave out and I crashed to the floor. Almost manically, I rocked on my knees, laughing while repeating the phrase 'I'm gay. I'm gay.'

Feeling someone behind me just caused me to laugh more hysterically. It was a relief to have it out in the open after all this time, and right at this moment, I didn't care that I had just lost my family. Then I felt a pinch on my upper arm. As I turned, I saw my father remove a needle from it.

My mother knelt in front of me, stroking my face. "It's okay, Edward. I don't care that you are gay. I love you, son. I just want you to be happy."

A feeling of sluggishness started to spread through me. Whatever had been given to me was beginning to take effect. I saw movement in the doorway. Slowly turning my head, I saw someone I never expected to see.

"Noooooooo..."

TBC

**AN2: Sorry couldn't help myself.**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: A big thank you to Mynameissrendipity and NisaCullen for their support and pre-reading.**

**A huge hug and thank you to Mrs. Agget for her encouragements and writing sessions, also for beta'ing this for me.**

**Thank you guys for helping me get this chapter together.**

Chapter 16Jasper's POV

Arriving at the Cullen residence for the third time in two weeks, I wasn't as nervous as I had been before when arriving at the front door. Rosalie had reminded me on the drive over that I had received a personal invite from Esme to this dinner.

My first visit had been a last minute invite when Esme and Carlisle had heard that Rose's brother was going to be spending the night home alone as he didn't really know anyone else in town. Rose had quietly asked who was going to be at this dinner. Once she had been told that Edward wouldn't be attending, but Alice would be, she eagerly encouraged him to go.

The second time I went, I knew that Edward was going to be filming night scenes so he wasn't going to be there, so I had tagged along with Rose again. The Cullen's had all been extremely welcoming. Carlisle had pulled me aside and had told me that I was welcome there any time, with or without Rose.

What had surprised me on that second visit was the conversation we had about my sexuality and how supportive they were. We talked about the good things that was finally being afforded to same sex couples and the injustice, hypocrisies, and discriminations that were still rampant in the US and the world.

Having this open conversation with them, where they showed their full support for the rights that gay people wanted in their lives, made me wonder why Edward was so afraid to tell them about himself.

God, if my parents had been half, or even a quarter, as supportive as Esme and Carlisle, I would have been over the moon. I know now that Edward had other things to worry about if his sexual preference came out to the public but here, with this amount of support that he would get from his family, I can't see why he couldn't be truthful to himself and tell them.

Who am I to judge or comment, anyway? He had no trouble telling me how he felt about me when he left in the middle of the night without a word. I got that message loud and clear.

Just after Rosalie rang the doorbell, a frazzled looking Carlisle answered the door.

"Oh! Hi guys. Come in, come in. We are having a bit of a family emergency with our son Edward," Carlisle said, slightly out of breath and carding a hand through his hair.

"Should we come back another time?" I asked quietly.

"No. No, that is ok. We think we are going to have to sedate him if he doesn't settle down soon. He is starting to become irrational and erratic. If you don't mind waiting in the kitchen, that would be great." Carlisle sounded worn out as he spoke.

I can imagine it would be difficult to see your child go through something like this. Had something happened to him since I had left the studio?

Loud undefined shouting could be heard easily as we stood in the kitchen. Rose looked shocked at the degree of noise that we were hearing coming from what we could only assume was Edward at this time. Was he having a nervous breakdown? If so, what brought it on now?

Suddenly, a loud anguished cry came from the music room. Rose and I looked at each other before running towards the painful sound. We reached the room to see Edward on the ground, rocking back and forth, maniacally laughing and saying he was gay.

Holy fucking shit!

It appeared that Edward had snapped emotionally. Fuck, I never wanted this for him.

I watched as Carlisle moved behind Edward to give him the sedative he had been talking about earlier. God, I hope this helped him to calm down. No one deserved to be in this condition, not even Edward after what happened all those years ago. Edward looked at his father when he realised he had been given the needle.

Esme knelt down in front of him and ran her fingers down his face. "It's okay, Edward. I don't care that you are gay. I love you, son. I just want you to be happy."

The words were what every gay man or woman would want to hear from their parents when they come out but, by the look of things, it didn't look like Edward had taken in what she was saying. He was too busy looking around. Rose shifted beside me and Edward's head moved slowly in our direction.

"Noooooooo..." A look of shock was on his face as his cry peated caught Edward as the sedative took full effect and pushed him into unconsciousness.

"Emmett, can you take him up to his old room?" He asked.

"I'll follow you to turn down the bed," Esme said quickly. "Oh, Carlisle, can you phone Alice, please? "As she walked out of the room ahead of Emmett, who had Edward in his arms, she spoke quietly to Rosalie and me. "I am sorry about this. Just let me get Edward settled and I will get dinner organised."

"Is there anything I can do to help, in the meantime?" Rose asked. She seemed very overwhelmed at the scene she had just witnessed.

Esme looked at Rose. She smiled softly, although her eyes showed how she was really feeling. There was pain, anxiousness, and something else, which I am sure most parents would have in their eyes when they witnessed what Edward had just gone through.

"Thank you, Rose. Could you get the meat out of the fridge, please?" She asked quietly, then hurried after Emmett.

I grasped my sister's hand and led her to the kitchen.

"Fuck. Should we really be here tonight?" Rose asked quietly.

Looking at Rose, all I could do was shrug. My mind was overloaded. Never in my life would I have thought that the confident, sexy, and strong Edward that I had met all those years ago would ever be in a position to get to the point that he had been in that room just now. Yes, I had noticed that he was a little more subdued when we were near each other on set. If anything, his being so polite and respectful to me creeps me out a little. He never complained about what was being filmed. All the other actors had, at one point or another, come to me with little changes that they thought would be more appropriate for on screen, whether it was with wording or different directions that would help it flow better. Having never done anything like this before, I always took what they said under advisement and then spoke to Aro or someone else who was relevant to that particular scene.

Not sure what got me moving, I went to the fridge and pulled out the meat like Esme had asked. Rose still hadn't moved. The look of shock was still plastered across her face.

"...Alice, I don't care if you are going out tonight. You are needed out at the house right now." The conversation was becoming clearer the closer Carlisle got to the kitchen.

"He is your brother, Alice." Silence followed.

"You weren't brought up like this Alice. Your attitude had better change quick smart young lady or you might not have ….."We could hear that Alice was yelling at her father but not the words.

"Alice, swear at me again like that and you are in deep trouble, young lady."

"I don't care how old you are. You are to respect your parents and your family whether you like it or not."More indefinable ranting came through the phone.

"Good. We will see you in thirty minutes."

"I don't care, Alice. Thirty minutes." Carlisle sighed as he hung up. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. She can be very stubborn when she wants to be."Rose and I just nodded.

"

Carlisle, do you think we should really be here for this? I mean, it seems like it is serious private family stuff. We would completely understand if you would like us to leave," Rose said.

"

I would really like it if you could stay. Both of you could give us some valuable insight into how you two have coped with a situation like this, especially after what you told us about your parents and their reactions to Jasper coming out. I just can't figure Alice out. That is why I would like you here, Rose. She has gay friends, including you, Jasper, so why can't she handle having a gay brother?" Carlisle sounded exasperated.

"I don't think Edward being gay is the problem," Rose commented.

"Edward seems to think that it is at least a major part of the reason. Well, that is my opinion from what we could get out of him today."Again, Rose and I just nod.

"Jasper, would you like to come out and talk to me while I start up the grill?"

"Sure, Carlisle." With a quick squeeze of Rose's hand as I walked past, I followed Carlisle out to the patio. I have a feeling that this is going to be a long ass night. I want to be here, no, _need, _to be here, for Carlisle and Esme, who have treated me like family from day one, but mostly I need to be here for Edward. No one should have had to have gone through what he has over these last years, especially the last few hours by the sound of things.

Carlisle quietly set about starting the grill and organising utensils for meat. I hesitated saying anything, knowing it was best for Carlisle to sort his thoughts and start the conversation.

"Jasper, why would our son..." His voice broke. "Why would our son think that we wouldn't still love him because he was gay? We have always told our kids that we would love them regardless. I just don't understand."

"Carlisle, I can't answer that question for you as I don't know what is going through Edward's mind at this point or what led him to this point. Although, I do know is that there are a lot of gay people out there who would love to have parents like you, me included. All I think you can do is be there for him when he wakes up and remind him that you love him regardless of his sexual orientation. You may have to tell him several times before he will believe you. Just don't give up on him and all should be fine." I touched his arm as I said this.

"I feel like I don't know my children any more. Edward has always been sensitive, but he would always come to Esme and I to talk things through. The last few years, that has become less and less. Did we do something wrong as parents, Jasper?" Carlisle ran his hand through his already tussled hair.

"You did nothing wrong, Carlisle. It seems Edward just couldn't express this side of himself to you. Accepting one's sexuality is never easy when it goes against what people think is the norm for our society. Edward being a public figure could only make those feelings of anxiety and doubt more powerful," I replied.

As I listened to myself tell all this stuff to Carlisle, I realised that I had never really given it any deep thought as to why Edward had left me the way he did and why. I had been so wrapped up my pain and insecurities to give his reasons any consideration. Fuck, if I had, I might have gone after him. Listening to Alice when she came to visit with all her negative talk about Edward didn't help matters, either. It was almost like she was more pissed off and upset by the end of the relationship than I was. Rose didn't help in that matter, either, which didn't bode well for my relationship with Seth. None of that matters any more, though. I can't change what has happened in the past, but I can help Edward and his family now.

"All I can suggest is that you take it one day at a time and support him and reinforce the fact that you love him no matter what." I was telling Carlisle all the things that I wished my parents had said and done for me. It is all any child wants in any situation from their parents.

Carlisle remained silent after that. I guess I had given him something to think about.

Esme and Rose come out to the patio not long after that, carrying a plate of meat that was ready to go on the grill. A quick look at Esme told me that she had been inside crying. Rose didn't look much better, although I couldn't understand why as she was anti-Edward in a big way.

After asking where Emmett was and finding out that he was up checking on Edward in case he had a bad reaction to the sedative, I asked who would like a drink. I needed to keep busy to stop myself over thinking this thing with Edward as it was stirring up feelings I thought were long behind me.

Returning with the drinks, I noticed Esme and Carlisle having a quiet moment with their arms around each other. Rose was sitting at the table, staring at her hands. She looked deep in thought.

Emmett came out a few minutes later with a beer in his hand. As he passed, he squeezed my shoulder before heading over to Rose. He scooped her up into his arms and held on tight. I couldn't help but sigh when I looked at the couples, as they had something that I wanted for myself one day and hopefully one day soon.

The tense serenity that had fallen on us at the moment was quickly shattered with the front door slamming and Alice's voice as she started yelling as soon as the door was closed.

"What was so important about HIM that required me to change my plans for tonight?" Alice spoke loudly as she came out the back door.

"Rose, Jasper, what are you doing here?" She asked, very surprised to see us. Carlisle must not have told her about our dinner tonight.

"They had been invited for dinner before all this happened," Esme answered quietly.

"Where was my invite?" Alice asked a little heatedly.

"Why wasn't I invited to join you all for dinner? I am sure that this was all organised before I was asked on my date," Alice asked incredulously.

"We don't have to run it past you when we invite people for dinner, Alice," Esme replied, looking a little bewildered at Alice's questions.

"You kind of do when you invite MY friends over without me."

"Grow up, Alice. Tonight isn't about you; it's about your brother," Esme said through slightly clenched teeth.

"It's always about him. When will it ever be about me?" Alice mumbled.

I couldn't believe how immature Alice sounded with that statement. She had always seemed so mature and confident. Now she just sounded like a little girl and it shocked the hell out of me. As I looked at Rose and Emmett, it appeared that they were having the same reaction.

"Alice." Carlisle said firmly.

Apparently she hadn't been as quiet as she thought, if we had all heard her.

"So what is wrong with the perfect son this time?" Alice griped.

"There is nothing wrong with me, Alice. As you can see, I am perfect in every way," Emmett said with a smile.

All of us smiled at this. Emmett's comment seemed to relieve some of the tension that had enveloped us all.

Dinner was a quiet affair and the food was pushed around the plate more than it was put in our mouths. I still wasn't sure if Rose and I should be here for this, but Carlisle felt that it was a good idea. Eventually, we all gave up the premise of eating.

"So...?" Alice looked at all of us.

"Alice," Carlisle started. "Did you know that your brother was gay? Is that why you stopped talking to him."

"Of course I knew he was gay." We waited for her to say some more, but she wasn't forthcoming.

"When did you find out?" Esme asked.

"I had wondered for a while but he confirmed it the day at the hospital when we were waiting for Jacob's surgery to be over. I found him out in the courtyard at the hospital, reading something, which he quickly hid back in his wallet when he noticed my presence. I told him he could tell me anything and that was when he told me he was gay and that he had strong feeling for someone but all he had of them was the letter. He let me read it," Alice answered.

I was surprised at how much Alice had just said, I thought we would have had to pry information out of her. Suddenly, what she had said took a hold of me and I was shocked to know that Edward had kept the letter with him after our twenty-four hours together.

Fuck! He kept the letter!

"Is Edward's sexual preference the reason you stopped talking to him and working for him?" Esme queried.

"What the fuck? God no. I went so far as to help Edward find the guy who had written him the letter. I even convinced him to go and see him again."

"Did this guy reject him?" Emmett asked.

"It took Edward a little time to get him to come around. From what I could see, they were great together. Edward went all out on making a romantic meal and night for them," Alice said.

"So what changed?" Esme asked the question that I was very eager to know the answer to myself.

Hearing what Alice had to say brought back all the happiness I had felt that week with Edward, but it was quickly overshadowed by the hurt and confusion that came from him leaving without a word and his stealthy exit into the night.

"

He fell in love."I couldn't help but gasp at hearing that. If Edward had loved me as Alice claimed, why did he leave? Why couldn't he have spoken to me about what was going through his head?Rose was looking at me with a slight smile. It made me wonder if she knew about this piece of information.

"If he loved him, then why?" Esme wondered out loud.

"He figured he couldn't have his career and love this guy at the same time," she answered.

"Did you ever meet this person?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," she replied, flicking a quick glance in my direction.

"Why didn't he ever go after Edward or didn't he love him back?" Esme inquired.

"I can't answer the love question, but the reason he never went after Edward is because Edward never told him who he really was."

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked the question this time.

"Edward never told him his last name or what he did for a living."

"Why? If he had finally found someone to love, why would he hold back such a big part of himself?" Esme inquired with a tear filled voice.

"Because he is gutless," Alice replied with a harshness that surprised us all.

Alice's behaviour tonight was a little erratic. I was seeing sides of her that were leaving me completely baffled. I considered Alice to be a very close friend, almost family, but tonight I had met a different side to her that made me wonder why I hadn't seen this side of her before.

"He is not my fucking brother so don't put him in that context with me." Her rage is almost palpable. "He is not worthy of any concern from any of you. He didn't care about what his leaving would do to this guy, so why should I give a shit about him after what he did?" Her statement ended with her standing up.

"Fuck that," she replied. "If he can do that to the man I love, then I want nothing to do with him."

"The man you love? You love Jasper?" Rose asked Alice.

"But I am gay!" Alice, suddenly realising what she just said, turned crimson and ducked her head down.

"Wait a minute. I am confused here. Edward's love is Jasper?" Emmett asked, completely lost.

Esme looked shell shocked, tears still falling down her cheeks.

Carlisle sighed deeply before saying, "That would explain a lot. Edward must still love you, Jasper, and since you are back in his life, it became too hard for him not to come out to us."

"He can't love him. He doesn't deserve him. Jasper needs someone who really cares about him and not some freak who can't stand up for himself," Alice replied.

Emmett snorts. "Someone like you, Alice?"

"At least I truly love you," she said directly at me before turning back to everyone else. "I fell in love with Jasper almost as soon as I met him. The more time I spent with him, the harder I fell," she stuttered.

"Alice, I am gay and that is never going to change. Not for you, or any other female," I told her.

Her revelation had thrown me for a complete loop. I knew she cared about me, but to love me? To BE in love with me? From what I knew, she had known since learning of my existence that I was gay and, since meeting her, I have never given any indication that I liked girls in any other way than friends.

"I know that and while you were with Edward, I could accept that for the most part. To watch you go through what he did to you and to see you come out the other side so much stronger if a little jaded, I can't help it that my feelings grew stronger with that knowledge. I love you, Jasper, and I will always hate my brother for what he did to you. There is nothing that any of you can say to me that will make me stop hating him with everything that I have."

Alice was becoming more unbalanced the longer this conversation went on.

"Then why did you want to talk to Edward about helping him out, the other week at the studio?" I asked.

"Oh that," she said with a little manic laugh. "That was to get close enough to him so that he wouldn't get the chance to hurt you again. I will do anything to stop him worming his way back into your life. If I had known that he was doing this film, I would have stopped it before he had a chance to see you again. He is not worthy of you and he never will be."

Esme, Carlisle, Rose, and Emmett had all been so quiet when she had first started spilling her guts, but this last bit with me had sent them into an uproar.

I felt sick. The need to get away from her was just too strong, and I pushed my chair away from the table. No one seemed to notice and for that I was grateful.

I quietly walked into the house and towards the bathroom. I could feel the small amount of food I eaten trying to make its way back up. After I finished dry retching over the toilet, I stared at myself in the mirror. The face that looked back at me was a little unfamiliar to me. I was pale and tired.

Thinking about all that I had heard tonight, I was at a loss as to what to do now. As I left the bathroom, I found myself walking up the stairs, going towards the bedroom I knew to be Edward's, from a tour of the house on a previous visit.

Standing in the doorway, I looked at him as he slept off the drugs he had been given. He looked so young and innocent. The stress and tension from his outburst earlier seemed like a distant memory. I moved closer to the bed to get a better look at him, it had been so long since I had seen him this unguarded.

Edward started to move around on the bed and began to mumble. it was incoherent but it seemed that he was getting agitated. I sat on the bed and ran my fingers through his hair; this appeared to settle him again. It felt good being this close to him again, probably more so that I could even admit to myself.

I couldn't believe I was touching him again, even if he would never know about it. Edward sighed and moved closer to me; his hand came to rest against my leg. Almost instantly, I felt the warmth spread.

Not wanting to disturb him, I left my place beside him. Within seconds, he became unsettled again and the mumbling resumed. As I looked from the door back towards Edward, I knew then that I needed to stay until he calmed down again. I toed off my shoes and laid down on the bed beside him.

"Jasper." I heard whispered from beside me.

_Shit I woke him up. _

Turning to look at him, I was happy to realise that he was still asleep. God, I couldn't believe he was dreaming about me after all this time. Lost in thoughts of the last time we were in bed together, I hadn't realised Edward had moved until I felt his body aligned with my side, his head resting on my shoulder.

_Fuck, he feels so good. _

I couldn't help myself. I turned my head and kissed the top of his head.

_Fuck, he smells so good._

"

I love him, Mom." Edward nestled closer to me while saying this.

So many things came to mind hearing him say that. Things that I never thought I would ever consider with how things ended. To hear him say he loved me was a dream that I had dreamt for that week we were together in Seattle. I wanted to whisper back that I loved him too, but did I or was I just falling back into an old pattern. God, if I was being truthful to myself, I really wanted to believe him.

Feeling a pair of lips nibbling my neck brought my thoughts back to the present. My breath hitched as he moved his mouth closer to mine.

'Please kiss me,' I chanted to myself.

The need to feel his lips against mine was so strong. I tilted my mouth towards his roaming lips. To know that his lips were so close, yet seemed so far away at the same time, was torture.

My wish was granted sooner than I thought.

His breath tantalised my face. His warm, plump lips touched mine. Our lips connected in a dance we had danced before. It felt so good to be able to do this with him again, even if he was asleep throughout the whole thing. One hand cupped my face in an apparent attempt to draw me closer. His tongue touched my lips in a silent question of wanting entrance.

We both moaned as our mouths clashed together and our tongues fought for dominance. Suddenly, my world stopped as he moved his head back and looked into my eyes.

"Jasper..." His voice shook as he said my name.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Huge thank you to NisaCullen and Mynameisserendipity for pre-reading and giving encouragement for this chapter.**

**Many many thanks to for her beta'ing to make this chapter what it is and her continuing ass kicking to get this out so soon.**

**And an awesome thank you to everyone who reviewed. Over 500 reviews which I never thought I would achieve. You guys rock!**

Chapter 17

Edward's POV

It was the perfect dream, one that feels so real that nothing can take it away from you. So, awakening to the one thing I had been fantasising about the most over the last several years was the ultimate dream come true. His taste and smell were still distinctive after all this time.

But why was I kissing Jasper?

How did I end up in bed with him?

"Jasper." I spoke with a shaky voice.

His face was still as gorgeous as ever, although it showed signs of worry and concern on it. As I reached up, I smoothed the crease between his eyebrows. He smiled slightly. I moved my hand behind his head and brought his mouth back towards mine. I couldn't get enough.

Jasper moaned as the kiss deepened. His kiss, his touch, and his smell brought back beautiful memories and I was eager to make more. There was nothing sweeter than to kiss the man I loved and if the last few years were anything to go by, I always would. He was my everything, my always and forever.

Our tongues played lazily at first, then, as I pressed closer to him, our kiss became more intense. It was almost like we had been walking through a desert and just got our first taste of fresh, cool water.

Groaning lightly, I broke the kiss to trail my lips down the jaw and neck I knew so well; the only ones I ever wanted to taste again. Jasper leaned his head back to give me more access, and I took full advantage, kissing and licking his throat.

Hitching my leg over his hip, I pushed my hips into his. He was just as hard for me as I was for him. Slowly, I rocked into him, and with another moan, Jasper slid his hand up under my shirt, scraping across my nipple with his fingernail.

"Holy shit," I breathed, as love, lust, and desire rocketed through me with that simple touch.

I continued to rock against Jasper, and he met my movements equally. Fuck, it had been so long...too long. He leaned his head down and started licking and nibbling my neck, causing a soft whimper to escape my lips.

Suddenly someone clearing their throat broke through the passionate fog that clouded my brain. Jasper must have heard it too, for he moved away from me quicker than I think I have seen anyone move. Both our heads turned towards the door.

Seeing my parents there was enough to make me soft within seconds. My beautiful Jasper became more beautiful with the blush that now coloured his face. As he got off the bed, he gave me a shy smile before moving towards the door.

"Sorry," he said shyly.

"Rose is waiting downstairs for you. I hope tonight's dinner won't stop you from coming back to visit us again," my Mom said as she gave him a quick hug.

"It won't," he replied shook my father's hand and left.I started to get out of bed too, but my father stopped me.

"I want to check your vitals before you go anywhere. Although, from what I just saw, I would say that your pulse might be a little on the high side," he said with a smirk.

God, could this get any more embarrassing?

Yes, it could, with my mother giggling behind him.

Dad came and sat on the edge of the bed beside me, to check me over. He apologised for sedating me earlier but they had been worried I might have hurt myself. I could more than understand, now that everything seemed more in my control.

"Edward," my mother said tentatively, as she laid on the bed taking me in her arms like she did when I was little.I knew what was coming.

"I want to know why."

I looked at her for some sort of expansion on the question.

"Why did you feel you couldn't tell us that you were gay?"

Shit! The toughest question I didn't answer straight away, she continued her questioning.

"Have we ever given you any indication that we wouldn't support any of your decisions as long as it was what you wanted? And that it was legal?"

"Homosexuality isn't legal in a lot of places," I reply.

"Edward." My mother was getting exasperated.

"Sorry," I started by saying. "It is hard to explain. I guess it first started when we were growing up and you talked about marriage and kids. I know it was just the normal things to say, but for me it didn't feel right. Yes, I wanted to be able to marry, but the person I dreamed of marrying was a guy and at the time, marriage wasn't legal for people like me. I didn't want to disappoint you after all you had done for me," I sighed.

"Then, I had to hide it as not many people wanted a gay leading man for their films. I tried dating some women to give off the impression I was straight. By the time I had met Jasper, my dating was almost non existent as I couldn't be bothered. People and the industry just started saying that I was sowing my wild oats before finding the right woman. And I let them believe that as it was easier than anything else," I continued.

Getting more comfortable in the bed, I proceeded.

"Jasper reminded me of what I had been denying myself for so long. I wanted that more than anything, but I felt if I let myself go and be the real me, I would be disappointing you both and Emmett and Alice. In the end, we all know how Alice took everything from me. It's funny. I really thought that she supported me and would help me finally tell you who I really was. I guess if you believed the hype, like I thought you did, then the real me would be a disappointment and a huge let down for you," I finished with tears falling down my face.

"Edward, we have always told you that as long as you were happy then nothing else mattered. If we ever gave you the impression that we would only accept you if you were with a woman then I, no we, are so very sorry."

My father nodded his head in agreement with her statement.

"So you're really okay with me being gay?" I felt childlike as I asked this.

"Of course. We love you just the way you are. Nothing has changed," Dad flooded through me as he said that.

"But what you did to Jasper was not how we brought you up to treat people, especially if love is involved," Mom scolded lightly.

"Yes, we can understand you were worried about your public image, but personally, I say fuck the public. You deserve to live your life the way you want and not how they want you to live it."

Dad and I looked at mom. She swore, which never happens, and she seemed almost too comfortable doing it. We laughed at her.

"Oh hush," she said, blushing.

Dad told Mom to move over before he pushed me further into the bed. "Okay, we are comfortable, so tell us the G rated version of you and Jasper."

This was going to be a long night.

D-D-D-D-D-D

Mom and I were sitting outside enjoying a late breakfast, talking about nothing in particular. I think we were all talked out after the big chat we had last night after Jasper left. It had been a long time since we had spent time like this together. I had missed it more than I realised. I love my mom more than words can express, but I knew that I had hurt her by not telling her about what has been going on with me for so long. We used to be so close and I have damaged that closeness because of my fear. A fear I now know was baseless. I should have trusted my parents' love for me, but when you hear stories of what can happen to people who come out to their parents, I let my insecurities take over. Just think about what happened to Jasper.

I was currently sitting outside alone, as Mom had gone back inside to get us another drink, enjoying the peace and quiet that I wouldn't have gotten if I had been on set today.

Hearing footsteps behind me, I said, "So, what should I do to get him back, Mom?"

"I can't answer that for you, Edward." The voice was not my mothers.

Whipping my head around, I found Rosalie standing behind me. I got out of my chair, almost stumbling in my haste.

"Sorry, Rose. I will leave you to talk to my Mother," I said quietly as I moved away.

"No, Edward. It is you I have come to see." I stopped as I heard her words. I wasn't sure what was going to come from this conversation.

"Don't bother, Rosalie. I know what you are going to say. You want me to stay away from your brother. I am sorry Rose, but I can't do that any more."

"I would have said that a week ago, but after what I heard last night, I don't know if I feel the same way any more," Rosalie replied.

"I don't need you to feel sorry for me. My minor meltdown wasn't an attempt to get Jasper back or to gain your favour. I was at a point where I needed to crash to start moving forward. I am truly sorry if you thought it was a ploy," I said.

My emotions had me feeling like a little boy, guilty but not sure what for. I felt small, like I wanted to hide from the big bad wolf. Rose isn't a big bad wolf for the most part, but when it comes to her brother, she is overprotective beyond belief.

"I know it wasn't, Edward, and I am sorry that you had to get that point to be able to move on. And I wasn't talking about your meltdown that has changed my view on things. It was the conversation afterwards."

"Yeah, I am sure Alice put everything into perspective for you," I said sarcastically. "You have been friends for years, apparently. What could she have said last night that would have been any different than what she has been telling you for years?"

"Alice said some things last night that she has never told us before and, because of that, it showed me a side of her that I have never seen. It made me realise I didn't know your sister at all. And please, know that I am extremely sorry for everything."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Rosalie. You can't control Alice any more than the parents can." I was still completely baffled about why we were having this conversation.

"But I listened to your sister and just took her side of things. I yelled at Jasper that if he ever thought about going after you, I would disown him. I said there was no way I would allow him to be in love with someone so selfish and self-centered. Little did I know, at the time, that I was playing right into your sister's scheme. She was feeding me lies to get me to say those things to my brother."

"How do you know Alice was lying to you? Maybe I am selfish and self-centered."

"But you're not. If I had listened to what my gut was telling me instead of your sister, I would have known the truth right from the beginning. You never showed that side of yourself when you were with Jasper in Seattle," Rose answered.

"I listened to Alice's lies about what you had been up to since you left, her telling me that it was just an experiment and that you were in a relationship with Tanya. It didn't help with the magazine articles saying that you and her were more than just actor and agent."

I looked at her with disbelief.

"Then, Jasper came home that first day and told me that you had gotten rid of her as your publicist. It reminded me of the way you acted at the restaurant. You completely ignored her. You only had eyes for Jasper. I guess I started questioning things after that, not consciously, mind you."

"I guess I could understand you listening to Alice after the way I left," I stated.

"But that is not who I usually am," she sighed. "But when it comes to my brother, I guess, no I know, I become very irrational. He has been there for me for so many things, always the strong one, and this was my time to step up and be there for him and to protect him. I went too far and I am so very sorry for that."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Jasper is worth everything you have done."

"Yes he is, but I now realise I went too far. Then, last night when I found out that Alice did all she did because she was in love with him, I really..."

"Alice is in love with him?" I stammered out.

"SHE LOVES HIM?" I yelled when it finally sunk in.

"I thought you had been told," Rosalie commented, although I was only half listening by that point.

"She loves him? She knows he is fucking gay," I ranted. "How fucked up is that? So, what? She thought that if she got rid of me she could turn him straight and keep him for herself?"

"No, that was not her intent. Well, she said it wasn't," Rosalie replied.

"This is so fucking typical of her. She wants what everyone else has, regardless of whether or not it suits the other person or situation. Was she planning to do something about her love for him while we were in Seattle?"

It was one of those questions you want to ask but the answer is something you can do without, for more often than not, the outcome was a train wreck.

"Alice said that she had been fine with it when you and Jasper were together as she could see how happy you had made him. It was after the way you left that something changed inside her and she decided that her love for him was greater than her love for you as her brother. She believed that, after that incident, no one was worthy of him and he was hers to love," Rosalie stated with obvious bewilderment.

"She honestly thought her friendship would be enough for him? Or even enough for her?" It was a question I wasn't sure Rosalie could answer.

"I don't think this love she has for him was ever sexually based. She didn't speak of that last night, but soon after her revelation, Jasper left the table. Once he left, your parents and Emmett certainly let Alice know that her behaviour was completely unacceptable. Of course, that sent her off on another tangent about her always being last behind you and your brother when it came to your parents' love."

"That is complete bullshit. She knows that our parents love us just the same. They have shown us numerous times in the course of our lifetime."

"Emmett certainly agrees with you. After Alice stormed out of here, Emmett sat the parents down and said that they and him were going to have to convince her to start seeing a therapist for her unhealthy behaviour towards you and this not rational love thing she has for Jasper," Rosalie said.

"I know that bit. Mom, Dad, and I had a big chat after Jasper left last night. Why didn't they tell me about her being in love with him?" I asked Rosalie.

"I can't answer that honestly because they never discussed whether they would tell you or not. But, I would think they thought you had enough to deal with, without knowing everything straight away."

"Thank you for telling me all this, Rosalie. I know this couldn't have been easy for you, given your feelings towards me."

"As I said earlier, Edward, most of my feelings towards you were based on the lies your sister was feeding me and Jasper. I still don't like what you did to Jasper when you left without a word, but in some weird sort of way, I can understand the reasoning behind it. Just promise me, Edward, that if you do decide to pursue my brother again, and he gives you a second chance, be honest and talk to him instead of taking the coward's way out and walking away without giving him a reason. And know that Jasper and I will be a part of this family now that Emmett and I are dating."

With that statement, she turned to leave.

"Rosalie." She stopped and looked back at me. "Tell Jasper that if he ever wants to contact me, he can get my number from either Emmett or my parents. I will let them know to give it to him, no questions asked. I won't pressure him into doing something he doesn't want to, but it is there if he needs it. And thank you again for taking this time to talk to me."

She smiled before disappearing into the house. I felt deflated. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could have prepared me for what Rose had just revealed about my sister. My head was spinning. One question came to mind. Why hadn't I been told this by my parents last night?

D-D-D-D-D

It was Sunday afternoon, and I hadn't heard from Jasper. Had Rose given him my message?

How would I be able to face him at work tomorrow, not knowing if our kiss meant anything?

Returning home Friday afternoon, I had been extremely hopeful of Jasper ringing me that same day, but he hadn't, and my hope had been dwindling quickly ever since.

My days had been spent pacing, cleaning out my closet, and checking my phone every two minutes. The tablets my father have given me allowed me to sleep, which in turn helped me get through each day.

If I couldn't talk to Jasper, how was I to tell him how sorry I was about the way I left?

How could I let him know how much I have missed him?

How could I start to show him that I loved him beyond anything I could have imagined.?

I knew that I had a long road ahead of me, trying to convince him that my words were true. There was nothing I wouldn't do to prove to him it was all real.

God! I was slowly going out of my mind.

Suddenly, I was jolted back to reality as I heard the phone ring. My heart started pounding; I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.

Was it him?

My breathing became shallow as I reached for the phone. Not checking the caller ID, I answered.

"Hello?" My voice sounded breathless and husky.

"Started a new career in the phone sex industry, Edward?" said the voice with a small giggle.

"Oh! Hey, Mom. What can I do for you?" I replied.

"I was just checking to see how you are and to see if Jasper had rung," She said.

"No," I sighed. "And I am beginning to think he won't, Mom."

"Oh, I won't go that far, honey. Maybe he had things he had to do first."

"Mom, what do you know?" Her behaviour had me a little suspicious.

"Nothing. Got to go. Bye honey, love you." And with that, she hung up.

So I went back to pacing the lounge room again. Maybe I should do something else to take my mind off Jasper and all I want to say to him. I was over thinking everything and I knew that it only made things worse.

Arriving in the kitchen, I decided to make a stir fry for dinner. The chopping and slicing was monotonous, but it kept my mind on task. I left the onions for last as they always affected me, no matter what I did to try and stop it.

Tears were streaming down my face and I was sniffing with the effect. The phone rang again.

Great!

"Hello?" I answer, sniffing.

"Edward? Is that you? Is everything okay?" I heard Jasper's worried voice on the other end of the line.

"What? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have just finished cutting up onions for dinner." I felt so fucking stupid.

"Oh."

"What...what can I do for you, Jasper?" I stammered. God, I loved the sound of his name on my lips.

"I was wondering …." He sounded nervous. "If we could meet up and talk. I think we need to discuss what happened."I nodded my head before answering. "Um... okay."

God, I sounded so uncertain.

"When and where?"

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Sorry for the delay in this chapter... Jasper was being completely stubborn and unreasonable, but some arm twisting and he started to see things my way. **

**A special thank you to and S. for holding my hand over the last few hours while I finally put everything together. And for getting out the whip!**

**Thank you to NisaCullen for pre-reading, Mynameisserendipity for encouragement and Mrs. Agget for beta'ing. I couldn't have done it without them.**

Chapter 18

Jasper's POV

Thankfully, Rose didn't talk on the way home from the Cullen's Thursday night. My mind was tormented by the feelings kissing Edward had brought back. What the fuck did it all mean?

Arriving home, I went straight to my room. Edward may not have to be on set in the morning, but I did. Sleep turned out to be a fickle mistress that night. I tossed and turned until I was so wrapped up in the bed covers it took a few minutes to get out of them in the morning.

It seemed everyone was wondering where Edward was, as his absence was noticed right away. Everyone wanted to know where the star was. Well, most of them. Some commented that they hoped he came back like the old him. They had been saying that they have never known him to be this quiet, almost shy like, on this film set. Him not being here seemed to allow people to talk more freely about his odd behavior and not having known what he used to be like in this situation. It gave me a lot to think about.

They had called lunch on set and the buzz about the missing Edward picked up pace. I sat in the corner, hoping to avoid the talk about him. My solitude was broken several minutes later when Emily, one of the lead makeup artists, came to share my table.

"Hey Jasper," she said quietly.

If I had to share the table, I was glad it was with her. There was no senseless chatter and when she does talk, it is with purpose and forethought. I have had some interesting talks with her since we met.

Hi, Miss Emily," I replied in a extra heavy Texan accent. I got the giggle response I was after.

"Thank you Mr. J. I needed that," Emily said with a smile.

"Hard day?" I asked.

"Not work wise, but this incessant gossip pit has been in overdrive today and it is severely pissing me off," she said abruptly in a harsh tone, her brows pulling into a scowl.

Surprised by her outburst, I asked, "What exactly is pissing you off?"

"This need to talk about Edward while he isn't here to defend himself, not that there is anything for him to defend. It is like being back in high school," she huffed, clearly frustrated. "He is just like the rest of us. He laughs, he loves, and he dresses one leg at a time. Why are they making it out that he is not? Compared to some of the people we have to work with, Edward is an absolute gentleman."

"Anything in particular that they are saying that is upsetting you?"

"Just the crap of _is he on drugs? Is he sick?_ Yes he is quieter, thinner, and sadly losing weight every day. The dark circles under his eyes could just be due to lack of sleep. He has never been like this on set before, but for God's sake it doesn't mean he is on drugs or he is seriously ill."

"What was he like before this movie?" I inquired.

Hearing what she just said and remembering what I had witnessed last night, I was curious to know what he was like on other movies.

"Smiling, joking, always taking the time to talk to everyone. He is one of those people who listens to everyone. He doesn't step over them if they are low on the totem pole. Most of the bigwigs ignore nearly all of the little people on set, but not Edward. He will say hi to anyone he passes. He has done some things behind the scene that nearly all these jokers don't know about. Edward is willing to help the underdog if he can." Emily paused. "Sorry, Jasper. I have probably said more than I should. Edward is a great guy who doesn't deserve this crap spread about him."

"You sound like you know Edward very well." I was curious to hear more.

"I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for him. Not just professionally, but personally as well. Back when I first met Edward, I was only a makeup assistant, just starting out in the job. I was intimidated by the sheer skill of some of the more experienced makeup artists. The head makeup artist was a real bitch and thought that everyone was beneath her. The thing was, most people who work with her covered for her mistakes and tardiness as she would make our lives hell and she had even gotten a few people fired for her mistakes." Emily sounded frustrated as she described her experience.

"One day, she showed up over two hours late and extremely hung over. I had been quietly getting on with my job and to keep the filming schedule, had done most of the peoples makeup. The producer came in just after I had finished and told her thank you for getting everyone ready on time.

"She said sweetly that it was a part of her job and it was great to be appreciated. Then, once he left, she turned to me and ripped into me about overstepping the line and that I was trying to take over her job. She had forgotten that Edward was still in the trailer, which was hilarious as she had been after him for the whole shoot, being sweet, coy and flirtatious with him.

"She was in my face, screaming at me with a finger almost in my eye. I was on the verge of tears when Edward coughed loudly to get her attention. Let's just say that she was very surprised when she realised that there were still people in the room. Edward quietly walked over to us and said just loud enough for both of us to hear that if she ever did anything like that again after I had worked my ass off to do her job, she would be regretting it for the rest of her life.

"Little did I know that Edward had gone to the production company and said that he only wanted me to do his makeup for the rest of the shoot. He used the reasoning that Kate was too busy flirting with him instead of doing her job properly. Others found out and wanted the same thing.

"It eventually came out how much others had been doing her job. She was sacked about half way through the filming and I was made the head makeup artist and on only my second film. Edward was a very calming influence on me when I started stressing that I couldn't do the job.

"So, I owe it to Edward for being where I am today."

"I think that Edward only had a small part in your success, Emily," I said. "You are an amazing woman and I believe that Edward just gave you the little push you needed to find our own way." I smiled at her.

The rest of lunch, Emily went on to explain how Edward had helped her when she gained guardianship over her much younger brother after her father had killed her mother during a fight. It seemed her brother Embry was there when it happened and had stopped talking. Edward had spent hours talking to him with no reply. He had brought over the latest gaming system and made such a complete ass of himself trying to play the popular games. Eventually, he got some giggles out of her brother before he came over and picked up the other controller and slowly showed Edward how to play. From there, they then had monthly video game marathons.

Emily also explained her brother was extremely gifted but at the time she didn't have the money to send him to the right school, so Edward had set up a scholarship to help out. Although, at the time, she hadn't known that Edward was behind it. She went on to tell me some of the other things Edward had done on the sly.

By the end of the day, I had learnt another side of Edward, one that I have to admit warmed my heart. Although, it just brought the fact out that I didn't know this guy at all. Our limited time together had shown me nothing about the real Edward.

Arriving home from the studio, I found Rose playing with her hair. It was a sure sign that she had something to tell me and she wasn't sure how I would take the news.

"Hey Rosie, why don't you just spit it out and save us both the time and the angst of delaying the inevitable?" I asked my sister with a small smile.

"Umm... I wenttoseeEdwardtoday," she said really quickly, looking sheepish.

"Okay," I said with a small laugh. "Care to repeat that and slowly please?

Rosalie sighed then repeated, "I went to see Edward today."

"What?" I asked with surprise.

"I needed to apologize to him for all the negative things that I have said and thought about him."

"But Rose, he didn't even know what kind of things you were saying about him, so why hurt him with things he didn't even need to know?"

I decided to ask the question I really wanted to know the answer to.

"How did he appear after last night's severe panic attack?

"Really good, actually. I think he got a good nights sleep, and from what I got from Esme before I went out to talk to him, is that he seems more settled and at peace now that his parents know and accept him for who he is. He knows now that they love him unconditionally, regardless of his sexual orientation," Rose answered.

"Yeah, he has great parents. Wish all parents could be like that," I ended with a sigh as I remembered what Rose and I had been through with our own set of parents, although that seemed like the wrong word for them.

"Me too bro, me too," she said quietly.

"Oh, and Edward told me that if you ever feel like talking with him, you can call Esme or Emmett for his number. He also said no pressure, but the offer is there if you want to take it."

The rest of the night was spent relaxing and reflecting on what I had learnt over the last twenty-four hours.

********D*********

After waking up late on Saturday, I decided to called Esme to get Edward's number. I felt that if I had called Emmett, he would ask questions I am not sure I could answer and the lewd comments which would have left me speechless. Emmett's humour was great, but when it was directed at you, if it was then he could have you blushing like a little girl without much trouble.

Taking a deep breath, I dialed Esme's home number.

"Hello?" came through the phone before I was ready for it.

"Hey, Miss Esme." I upped the accent like I did with Emily the day before.

The same response came back as Esme giggled down the phone line.

"What can I do for you, my fine Texan man?"

Wow, Esme was flirting back with me. I liked it, but I was too nervous to really be able to enjoy it, for I was still a little unsure of what she now thought of me after the revelations from dinner Thursday night.

"Does Carlisle know you flirt with younger men on the phone, Miss Esme?"

"He is right here beside me laughing but shaking his head. Carlisle has no problems with me flirting with gorgeous younger men," she teased.

"God damn it, woman. I am only letting you flirt with Jasper because I know he isn't really interested in my deliciously fine wife." Carlisle spoke loud enough for me to hear him.

"Busted," I said as I laughed down the line.

"So, my gorgeous Texan stud, what can I do for you today? Or, should I just start saying numbers?"

It was good that she couldn't see me as I was blushing like a schoolgirl.

"Ummmm..." was all I could get out before she giggled down the phone.

"I have never heard you this unsure, Jasper. It makes you even more adorable."

I heard Carlisle laugh again in the background.

After teasing me some more, she finally gave me Edward's cell number and told me to have a good day.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and going over the next week's script changes before spending the evening with Aro and some others, looking over what has already been filmed to see if there were any changes needed. To me, it was just the way I wanted it.

**************D***********

Sunday, I woke with a nervous stomach as I knew I needed to talk to Edward and not just about that divine kiss on Thursday night. I stalled and procrastinated most of the day, doing the things that I needed to make the next week run smoother and reworking the script again, even though it didn't need it.

By late afternoon, I knew that I couldn't procrastinate anymore and once again grabbed my phone to call another Cullen family member. As I finished putting the number into my phone, I found my palms sweating and my heart pounding in my chest. I took a deep breath and pushed the send button.

"Hello?" came through the phone, followed by a sniff.

"Edward? Is that you? Is everything okay?" I asked worriedly.

"What? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have just finished cutting up onions for dinner." He sounded a little embarrassed

"Oh." I wanted to slap my head at my pathetic response

"What...what can I do for you, Jasper?" Edward stammered. God, my name sounded good coming from his lips.

"I was wondering …." I sounded nervous. "If we could meet up and talk. I think we need to discuss what happened."

"Um... okay." He seemed uncertain

"When and where?" I asked, slightly eager.

"Umm, if you want, you can come and join me for dinner." His voice was soft and shy.

"Sounds great. Give me the address and I will leave in five minutes."

After receiving the address, I told him I would see him soon and hung up.

Searching for Rose, I told her I was going out and wouldn't be home for dinner.

"Listen to him before you decide anything," were her parting words.

It was strange to hear her changed attitude towards Edward. Our big chat on Friday night had shown me that she had done some serious thinking since Alice's revelations. It definitely showed when she told me that she had gone to see him and apologize for things he had not even known about.

Punching the address into the car's GPS, I set off towards Edward's with trepidation mixed with a nervous excitement about what this time with him might mean for us. I decided to grab a bottle of wine to go with dinner.

Arriving at Edward's, I wasn't sure how to act or what to say. He was grateful for the wine, and immediately poured us a glass. I needed it badly. Hopefully, it would calm my nerves.

I sat at his table and sipped my wine while he cooked. He was looking gorgeous, as always. We shared inane conversation off and on, and the silences in between were a bit awkward.

In no time, dinner was ready and Edward served us at the table. While we ate, we continued our disjointed conversation. It seemed like he was just as nervous as I was. I complimented him on his cooking, and his face colored in a beautiful blush as he became very interested in his plate.

When we finished, Edward told me to leave the dishes alone and suggested we take our wine to the living room. When we were settled on the sofa, I commented, "It's a nice evening, even though it's a bit awkward."

Edward nodded while taking a sip of his wine.

I sat my glass on the coffee table and twisted my hands together in my lap. I was so nervous. Edward did the same then glanced around the room, licked his lips, and fidgeted a bit. Finally, his eyes met mine again.

"Look, Jasper," he blurted. "I'm sorry for what I did. I have been trying to find a way to apologize to you all evening. And I know that just saying sorry isn't enough, but give me a minute and I will try and collect my thoughts so that I can explain in some way where I was at, at the time."

He fidgeted with his glass, his hair, and his clothes, while I guess he was sorting out what he wanted to say. I got more nervous just from watching him.

"Back then...I was confused. I wasn't out, and was terrified for anyone to know I'm gay. That was wrong, and I know it now. I can't believe I left you...I'm so fucking sorry...I was afraid..."

He trailed off and ran his hand through his hair again. I waited patiently for him to continue.

"I was wrong to worry about my image. I don't care who knows about me anymore. All I know now is I love you and I'm sorry." He was almost timid in his explanation.

Unable to help myself, I cupped the back of Edward's neck and brought him in for a kiss. He smiled slightly right before our lips met, and when they did, it felt like coming home.

His mouth was soft and warm and wet, and felt just right, but before I could get too lost in the feel of him, my insecurities took over and I pulled away.

He stared at me with soft eyes and shiny lips, and it only made me more insecure. I knew I wanted him, but fuck, I was so scared.

Edward stared at me for a moment then leaned in to kiss me again, and I just couldn't. Releasing his neck, I turned my head away.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't," I whispered.

"What do you mean you can't?" Edward seem perplexed.

"I mean it isn't what I want. It's wrong and it shouldn't have happened."

"You know what, Jasper? No matter what I say or do, nothing is going to matter to you. So, take your kisses and shove them where the sun don't shine," Edward said through clenched teeth.

"Edward you have to understand..." I started.

"I don't have to understand anything. You kiss me twice. I mean YOU kissed ME and then tell me that it doesn't mean anything and that it would be wrong for us to start anything. Well fuck you Jasper." His voice was getting louder as he spoke.

"Edward..." Again he stopped me.

"Don't, Jasper. I think you have said enough. There is nothing left to say."

I walked closer to him. Touching his arm, I tried again.

"Please listen to me."

"Get your fucking hands off me. Get the fuck away from me," he said, seething.

He moved away from me, his body tense and his breathing laboured.

"Get the fuck out of my house. You know where the front door is, just make sure you let it hit you in the ass when you leave." His voice was cold and hard.

Edward turned and left me alone in the room. Not sure of what to do next, I just knew that I couldn't leave yet. I needed him to listen. As I looked back over the last few days, I could see why he wouldn't be willing to listen to anything I had to say at the moment. But somehow, I had to get him to listen to me. If nothing else, he needed to hear why I couldn't, or rather shouldn't, try this again with him. There would be nothing left of me if it went to hell again. My heart still hadn't fully recovered from last time.

Walking out of the lounge room, I followed the direction that Edward had taken up the stairs. My need to see him grew with each step. I found him sitting on the edge of his bed in pyjama pants with a plain shirt. It was nothing much, but he looked as sexy as always. What I hadn't expected to see was him sitting there with a bottle of medication in his hand. My heart started to race and my mind went to the negative of why he had the pills in his hand.

"Edward? What the hell are you doing?" I said loudly as I raced across the room to take the bottle out of his hand.

"What the fuck, Jasper? What the hell are you still doing in my house? And why the fuck are you in my bedroom?" To say Edward was pissed was an understatement.

"What were you going to do with the pills?" I queried.

"Not that it is any of your fucking business, but I was deciding whether I should take one tonight when I have to be on set early tomorrow."

"Oh, sorry," I said sheepishly.

"So, are you going to tell me why the fuck you are still here?"

"There is something I need to say and if, after you hear it, you still want me gone, I will go."

"Fine. I can see that you are going to leave until you have your say, so get on with it," Edward said with exasperation.

"You're right. I have been all over the place the last few days. And, to be honest, I don't regret for a second kissing you. It feels right and it fills an emptiness inside me when we do, but I am scared, Edward, and that won't change anytime soon," I said quietly as I stand near him.

"What are you so scared about?" Edward's voice has lost all its frustration. His words were now as soft as mine.

"That the same thing is going to happen again if we give this another try. That you are going to freak out about being gay and what that will mean to you and your public image."

"If I could change the past, I would. Knowing what I know now, most of my fear was baseless. My family, well, most of them, still love me even after learning I am gay. Emmett seems to like the fact he has a gay brother. Who would have known that?" He runs his hand through his hair before continuing.

"What do I have to do to prove to you that I won't repeat the same mistake again? I love you Jasper, and I have from the very beginning."

"I don't know, Edward. It is a matter of trust, and I don't trust anyone easily." I see his body deflate as I say these words.

"Okay, Jasper," Edward said solemnly. "I understand. Could you..."

Edward doesn't finish asking the question.

"Could I what?"

"Ummm...Could you maybe..." He seemed so shy as he tried to ask the question again.

Sitting down on the bed beside him, I take his hand in mine and run my thumb over it.

"Just say it. I don't bite," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Could you stay with me tonight? I don't expect anything, I just don't want to be alone."

His face flushes red as he said this. I guess it isn't easy for him to ask anyone any favors.

"Sure, Edward. I can do that. Just let me message Rose and I will join you."

Leaving the bed, I take my cell out of my pocket to text my sister that I wouldn't be home tonight. As I turned back around, I found Edward already in bed. He looked small and almost childlike. I removed my shoes and then laid down on top of the covers behind him and wrapped my arm around his waist. He moved back into me before joining our hands. We laid like that, no words spoken, our thoughts keeping us occupied, for what seemed like hours before his breathing changed and I knew he was asleep.

TBC

K


End file.
